There’s an unwritten rule that friends should never date each other’s exes. But, what if you’re the ex? Is it your job to uphold some sort of loyalty to your ex even if you are no longer together?
The truth is, you don’t owe your ex anything. However, there are some really good reasons why you should never date your ex’s friends, loyalty clause or not.
1. You could ruin a friendship
You may not be the one in the friendship, but you’ll still be a part of ruining it if you get involved with one of his friends. Sure, your chemistry could be palpable, but there are many guys out there that you’ll have chemistry with.
When it comes to your ex’s friends, you never want to be the girl who broke up a friendship. It’s not something a decent person would be comfortable with, and it’s just bad karma.
Your ex’s friend could have an entirely different personality, but we do end up the most like the people we choose to surround ourselves with.
If your ex partied all the time and it got on your nerves, there’s a good chance that the friend you’re now interested in was always there for those parties. And when that happens, you’re basically just subbing in a new guy with the same issues.
2. There’s no need to date inside his circle
It could be seen as a feeble attempt either to hurt him deliberately or, even worse, a way to stay close to him after the break up. You don’t want to seem as though you are desperate to stay in his life by dating one of his friends, nor do you want to be looked at as being malicious.
When the relationship is over, it’s over and all ties to him and his friends should be cut. Unless the guy in question was friends with you before your ex, there’s no good excuse to have him as your new love interest.
3. It’s bad for your reputation
If you’re the type who likes to uphold a certain reputation, dating your ex’s friend will definitely tarnish it. Guys may act like they don’t talk about such things, but if your ex and his friend manage to stay friends afterwards, you really wouldn’t want them sitting around comparing notes—and they will do that, if they can.
Guys talk about their sexual conquests, and when they can both tell each other stories about you, it’s not a good thing.
4. Retaliation is just tacky
There’s a good chance that if you’re willing to date your ex’s friends, the relationship ended on bad terms. You may not even realize it at first, but the feelings you have for his friend could be there subconsciously so that you can justify getting back at our ex for whatever he did to you.
He may deserve to have a little heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean that you have to sink to his level and be the one to give it to him.
5. Think about how it would make you feel
If your ex started dating one of your friends, how would you feel? You may not even have any feelings for your ex and you definitely want your friends to be happy, but that doesn’t mean that you would be okay if the shoe were on the other foot.
If you wouldn’t be okay with it happening to you, you shouldn’t be willing to do it to someone else.
6. It will be harder to maintain a relationship
If everything above didn’t bother you, your ex said it was okay and you weren’t trying to hurt him or anyone else, you may try to go for it.
The feelings between you and your ex’s friend are real and everything is copacetic, but the chance of it working out are slim.
This is because, during the relationship, you’ll have to maintain a friendship with your ex even if you don’t want that, and any relationship problems or insecurities you picked up while with the ex will surface but in a greater way.
You’ll always be afraid of them sitting around and talking about whether or not you acted the same way with your ex, or that they’re comparing sexual notes. You’ll also never be able to badmouth your ex with your new beau because he’s on both sides. It’s just a bad idea.
These are just a few reasons why you should never date your ex’s friend. Of course, there are more, but why would you need any? Have you ever dated an ex’s friend? If so, how did it work out?