How to Be More Approachable: 11 Ways to Bring Him to You

Are you pretty, cute and smart and yet guys still don’t show any interest in you? Here's how to be more approachable and why guys fear coming closer.

On paper you’re great – actually you’re more than great. You’re educated, independent, pretty, and have an awesome job. When guys walk past you initially, they all stare. So why is it that guys never approach you?

First and foremost, you have to remember that guys are human, too. They may come across as cocky and arrogant. They may seem like womanizers from the outset, but really they too have fears about being the one to approach women they find attractive.

Of course, there are some super confident guys out there who will take the initiative and approach the women they’re attracted to, but the majority won’t. Why? If a man is really interested in you and not looking for a one night stand there’s always going to be the fear of rejection looming at the back of his mind. Just like you, he too doesn’t want to be disappointed or embarrassed by being turned down.

Sometimes, without even realizing it, we women do not do ourselves any favors. Sometimes we just don’t get that what we’re doing and that how we’re acting is actually repelling guys and not attracting them. The key here is to open up a little more and try and make yourself more approachable.

There are some things that you’re doing that guys view as standoffish. So, pay careful attention and learn ways to make yourself warmer and easier to talk to. And just so you know, despite what every woman seems to think, you don’t have to do anything provocative or outrageous to get a man’s attention.

Here’s how to be more approachable:

#1 Appearance Matters

This in no way means that you have to be the next Kate Moss or Gisele Bündchen. You don’t have to have supermodel good looks or be a size zero, but you do need to look good and take care of yourself. It’s shallow, I know, but the first impression you give a person is always through how you look. When a guy enters a room, it doesn’t take him long to notice the women he finds physically attractive.

If you take care of your appearance by keeping your hair neat, your clothes tidy, you’re your makeup simple and natural, you’re going to boost your chances of getting a guy to approach you.

#2 Dressing Up vs Showing it All Off

Romantic Young Couple Embracing In Living Room

So many women think that to get a guy’s attention they need to let it all hang out. Never go out dressed like you’ve got nothing to hide. Yes, you’ll get EVERYONE’S attention alright, but for all the wrong reasons. The only guy who’s ever going to approach you if you’re looking this way is a guy who’s just looking for a bit of random nighttime fun. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to behave this way to get a guy. A decent man doesn’t want a girl like this anyway.

#3 Don’t Busy Yourself

If you spot a guy checking you out and you happen to be alone, don’t make yourself look like you’re completely engrossed in something such as sending an email on your iPad or reading your book. It’s quite possible that you’re bored out of brain and just trying to pass some time before you have to head back to work or meet a friend, but this can be detrimental to meeting someone new. You’ll appear too “busy” and, if he’s a polite guy, he’s not going to want to interrupt you.

#4 You’re Out of His League

This totally goes against my first tip about looking the part. However, we have to be realistic because there’s also a major drawback: You might be too good looking for a particular guy – i.e. You’re out of his league.

For example, if you’re an absolute stunner all the guys who pass you by are most likely going to drool over you from a distance and try to steal a few looks, but realistically the majority of guys are going to feel too intimidated by your great looks and not approach you at all – it’s a catch-22 situation.

One of a guy’s biggest fears when approaching any woman is the fear of rejection and embarrassment. If you’re drop-dead gorgeous, many guys will simply assume that you’re out of their league and that they aren’t worthy of your attention. Simply put, if you’re too hot, you’re also going to scare the guys away.

The guys you will attract are those Alpha males, the super confident ones, and let’s not forget the players. If you’re really intent on catching the eye of a shy man who seems nice, you need to make yourself more approachable. Be a little bit friendlier, be warm and don’t forget to smile.

#5 It’s in Your Eyes

smiling young couple holding hands and looking at each other at table

If you spot a guy who catches your eye and you see him checking you out, check him out, too. Glance at him from time to time and make sure you lock eyes with him. Don’t do it too much or you may freak him out, but your eye contact with him shows you’re interested in him.

You can show a guy in two ways that you’re interested through eye contact. You can give him a quick glance, but slow look away or you can glance at him slowly. Look at him casually, lock eyes for a second or two and give him a small smile. This will show that you’re confident and you’ll also let him know that you’re interested at the same time. And read our article on how to use your eyes to get a guy to approach you.

#6 Make it Easier

Guys freak out when they see a girl they like enclosed by a big group of girls. A man will never approach a girl when she’s surrounded by a number of her friends because it’s intimidating. You have to make it a little easier for him. So, if you want to meet more men and be approached by them, you either need to spend some more time alone or with just one girlfriend.

#7 Choose Where You Hang

Not every place that you go creates the ideal setting for striking up of casual conversations. You want men to approach you, right? Then pick a perfect spot for casual conversations. The place doesn’t need to be completely private. It does, however, have to be a place where not every busybody is going to turn their head in your direction and check out what’s happening. Places like coffee shops, book stores and libraries make for the perfect first-meet – the opportunity for conversations are limitless (that is if you’re doing everything else right to be approachable).

#8 Say “Cheese!”

No one likes to see an uptight person. A person who walks around like they’ve got the weight of the world on their shoulders is going to come across as unfriendly. The trick is to appear warm and happy – you’ll look friendlier, which means you’ll appear more approachable, too. If you look like a likeable person, you have more chance of catching a man’s eye.

#9 Be Positive!

Beauty portrait of a young brunette woman with beautiful smile

We all have crap days sometimes, but the key is to have fun. You need to come across as a positive person wherever you may be. It’s all down to the laws of attraction – positivity draws positivity; therefore, a happy woman will attract a happy guy. When you think about it, you’d never approach someone if he or she looked boring, right? Make yourself more interesting and be positive.

#10 You and the Boys

So, you have a lot of guy friends. That’s great! But these male friends are going to be detrimental to your cause. If you find that you’re repelling guys or that they simply do not approach you, it could be that you’re always surrounded by other men (innocent or not). Guys, who would otherwise approach you, are going to simply think that you’re in another relationship and keep their distance.

#11 Be a Little Girly

Showing off your girly or coy side can work miracles. Every now and again, look at him and when you do manage to catch his eye, use your girly body language to flirt. Try playing with your hair by flicking it or tucking it behind your ear or simply look downwards and smile to yourself. This may seem like a small irrelevant thing, but it works like a charm.

It’s easy to think that all guys are macho and brave, but they’re not. Some men simply just don’t have the guts to make the first move. They need a little bit of help from us. Use a few of these helpful tips to make yourself more approachable to guys and you’ll see it works like magic. Now what are you waiting for? Get out there!

About the author


Victoria loves life, people and travel and writes for YouQueen’s Love and Sex sections. She loves to laugh, dance and cook and has a penchant for dessert. Her life is hectic and often a little crazy but this is her driving force.


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  • I like a guy and hes liked me before but i also think he likes me again. I want to date him but he recently got out of a relationship. Should i make the first move

  • This stuff can work, but only sometimes. So I would be careful if I were you girls. Cause if you use to much body language it’s just gross and repelling.
    Hoped this helped,
    Robert Pattinson