How to Drop the Victim Mentality and Live Courageously

Feeling like a victim of something or someone happens to all of us, because let's face it- we all at some point are. But that's different than having a helpless victim mentality. Learn how to change this and take control of your life!

The chances are we all find ourselves victims at some point in our lives.  We may be victims of circumstance, or dishonesty, or we may find ourselves the victim of bullying, either in the workplace or closer to home.

None of these situations are a good place to be, and while we cannot change events, what we can change is our reaction to them.

Take control

female student surrounded by other students

If you are a victim of bullying, it is important to remember that bullies like to be in control, whether that is control of your environment, or some other factor in your life.

Bullies enjoy the suffering which they inflict; it feeds them while draining you.

One of the reasons for this behavior is that they are in pain and are weak themselves and the feeling of having some kind of power over you, for them, is intoxicating.  These people have probably never felt the power of humility, and most certainly do not have peace in their own lives.

They are attempting to fill a vacuum in their own lives, a place where love does not live.

But this is not your work, this is not your problem, your work is yourself, and how you feel about you.

Before focusing on your relationship with others, first pay attention to your relationship with yourself.  Is it a positive and healthy relationship you have with yourself?  Or are you always giving yourself a bad press?

Start believing in yourself and you are one step closer to taking back control of your life.

You need to understand that you cannot control other people’s behaviors, and in most cases it is better to walk away from a situation.

Break down the walls of fear

Victims have a tendency to build walls, close themselves off from the outside world, and become withdrawn; this reaction is born out of fear. Although at the time, it may seem counter intuitive to open yourself up, building a wall is the very last thing you should do.

You are not safe behind the barriers you build in your head, in fact, being a victim and thinking and feeling low emotions makes you more open to negativity and psychic attack.

Bullies and other sociopaths tend to make us feel like we are to blame, that there is something inherent in our personal make up which is flawed, that our differences are something to be hidden away as opposed to celebrated.

When under constant pressure like this we can even begin to question our own thoughts, actions or identity.

The constant drip of doubt about our own abilities can take its toll; it makes us apathetic and weak, and keeps us down there with the low emotions.   Right where the bully wants us.

So break down your fear barriers, you have nothing to hide, and let your inner strength shine through.

Don’t listen to idle gossip (especially not your own)

female person being bullied

What about when people are talking about you behind your back?

Are they? Most people are much more interested in their own lives than they are yours.

Sometimes when we are no longer communicating properly with others, we let ourselves imagine that all sorts of things are going on behind our backs.

Oftentimes what we think other people are saying is just a low reflection of how we feel about ourselves.  We are slumming around in the victim pit.  And once we start, we can easily get swallowed up into the quicksand of negativity.

At the end of the day, even if people are saying negative things about you, is it really that important? Next week you will be old news, and the poison darts will most likely be directed at someone else.

Try to remember that what people say about you, says more about them.

When we are operating at victim level, it is easy to start reacting to something we have most likely made up in our own heads.

Straight away this gives more power to your abuser. Remember that.

Self-fulfilling prophesy

Let go of any dark imaginings you may have before you bring them into reality.

Otherwise you are in danger of turning your negative thoughts into a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Instead, make your thoughts powerful, positive and life affirming.  Think of the life you want and how you would like to feel, and focus on that.

If you feel negativity coming your way, or you think people may be saying bad things or not acting with good intention toward you; then wrap up these thoughts as if wrapping up a parcel in your head, and then visualize putting it on a fire, or returning it to sender; address unknown.

Walk Tall

smiling young woman in office

That’s right, be confident.

We have all seen the films where the hero turns on the bully and gives him a dose of his own medicine, usually by a quick Kung Fu kick to the head, but this is not the way to deal with bullies.

The best way is to live courageously and continue with your life.  Show courage through adversity, walk your talk, regardless of what others think.

This is real strength.

Never give away your own authentic personal power by reacting to a situation.  Don’t turn into the monster that you wish to slay; in other words, bullying behavior by others does not justify the same behavior by you.

It is just another way of leaking your authentic power.

Stand tall and be proud.

Avoid blame

Blaming others for your situation is pointless, and a negative drain on your energy.

When we suffer behaviors toward us that are unjustified, it is all too easy to fall into the blame trap.

It’s always somebody else’s fault.

But this is a very negative platform to be experiencing life from.

We need to accept that some people can be jealous, or threatened by us in some way. Some people carry luggage around with them for a long time; perhaps a throwaway comment made years ago, or an action in the past, still haunts them.

Apologize if you feel the need, but never let someone else’s opinion of you undermine who you truly are.

Dance your own dance

It is important to remember that when we are reacting to a situation then we are playing to somebody else’s tune, not our own.

Don’t let others suck the life out of you.

Dance your own dance.

Build a support network

Bullying can often come from the most unlikely sources.  Psychological bullying and passive aggressive behavior can be just as damaging as physical assault.

Therefore it is important to build a support network around you and seek help from others.

Bullying is a serious issue and need not be tackled alone.

About the author

Eleanor Goold

As well as being an avid reader, Eleanor is also a big time animal lover; especially of dogs. If you have a tail, four legs and you bark…. you’re in! In her spare time she enjoys swimming, and vegetable gardening… but not at the same time (it can get a bit messy).

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