Sometimes our financial situation can be due factors outside of our control such as socio economic policy. Even so, there are ways in which we can mitigate the risk of screwing up our finances and better ourselves financially. The following list will show you what not to do.
1. Rob Peter to pay Paul
‘Shifting resources’ is an effective way of managing your money. A good example of this might be to take out a loan to pay a bill, thus creating another debt. Personal banking sales reps refer to this as ‘restructuring your finances’, and why not. The majority of banks did this when they repackaged debt and sold it on, and these organizations effectively run countries and employ clever economists. So it must be a sensible strategy.
2. Live on the never-never
Let’s face it; we are all off to hell in a handcart so we may as well live in the now. And I mean really in the now. Just spend, spend, spend, and then borrow, borrow, borrow. Let the debts rack up; chances are you won’t have to pay them anyway because the world will end before the bills come in. And if you are eventually summoned to court, just plead poverty and bankrupt yourself. There will always be someone to pick up the tab.
3. Don’t save
Like with point 2 above, there is no point in saving for a rainy day. Chances are when or if that rainy day comes along, you can ask someone else to lend you the money. After all, what are friends and family for if not to help you out in your hard times after you have blown all your money ‘living in the now’? So never save, there really is little point.
4. Take out a huge mortgage
Everyone needs a roof over their heads and you are no different. Why not have the house of your dreams and get a mortgage you can barely afford. Chances are house prices will increase and you will end up with a killer profit.
5. Rely entirely on one source of income
You only have one source of income, so how can you rely on another? However, if you do have the opportunity to benefit from another source of income then don’t take it up, it’s usually more trouble than it’s worth and nowadays it’s better to have all your eggs in one basket.
Never diversify as the world is not changing and nor should you.
6. Fall for get rich quick schemes
Just take a look at some of the rich people around; they got their money somehow didn’t they, and not all of them worked hard for it. So if you come across a money making scheme which appears to be too good to be true, go for it with all you’ve got. It’s all about risk taking. Top marks if you can also exploit others in some way by getting friends and family to sign up.
7. Rely on the bank of Mom and Dad
If they didn’t want to pay for you throughout your entire life then they should not have had you in the first place, you didn’t ask to be born. Your parents have an absolute obligation to ensure that you are looked after at their expense, and never let them forget that. If you have children then they are obliged to them too (by giving you even more money).
8. Lend money to emotional blackmailers
Especially to the person who always starts off the conversation with ‘I wouldn’t normally ask, but…’ What kind of person would you be if you didn’t lend money to others, especially people you care about, its only money at the end of the day.
And don’t expect to get it back even if you are broke, their need is greater than yours; don’t be so mean.
9. Don’t plan for your retirement
Why would you worry about your future income when you can just rely on the State to provide for you when you no longer can? Pension schemes are all scams so there’s no point in contributing, and why should you have to sort yourself out? The world owes you a living after all.
10. Don’t have any kind of insurance (especially health etc.)
Shit doesn’t happen. Not really. Not in the real world, and paying insurance for things which might happen is just a waste of money. You won’t need any kind of health insurance as you are currently healthy and if something were to go seriously wrong; your loved ones would help out.
11. Engage in retail therapy
There is nothing like buying something new and expensive to make yourself feel better. Okay, so the thrill doesn’t last forever, but that’s what it’s all about; instant gratification. The great thing about retail therapy is that you can never get enough; there is always another fix to be had. Those new shoes won’t be new forever, so sooner or later you will have to get another brand new pair.
12. Live beyond your means
It was Tom Wilson who was quoted as saying “These days an income is something you can’t live without, or within.” And he wasn’t wrong. Because this is an irrefutable law that cannot be broken; one should just live by it. Top marks if you can still manage to fritter away money on luxuries and non-necessities when you are broke.
13. Never budget
You are not an accountant (and even if you are it’s unhealthy to bring your work home with you) so don’t bother with all that boring accounting malarkey. You either have the money or you don’t, and even if you don’t you can always borrow. So put your big girl panties on and stop worrying about budgeting or tracking spending; it’s just not sexy.
14. Pay more for things than they are really worth
Someone, somewhere, most probably had to make the purchase you want; poor thing. So it’s always best to pay more for something than it is worth. That way the profit goes direct to those underage children in some sweat shop in a far off land you have never heard of. The same goes for services, always try to pay more so that you are guaranteed a better deal. Or at least someone is somewhere down the line. Share the love.
15. Believe the hype
You can buy into a lifestyle and be happy; in fact you should aspire to be like the people you see in the adverts. The products you see advertised can do all the things promised and more; why else would marketing departments spend so much money on sales copy if they didn’t? Compare yourself to others; it’s the only real way to be happy.
16. Undersell yourself and your services
If you provide any kind of service then cut your prices or reduce your fees. Customers will value you more if they see that you are not just working at cost, but you are in effect paying them to use your services. Same goes for salaried employment, take a voluntary pay cut, this will show your boss that you are committed to the company.
17. Gamble your life away
It goes without saying that the wins you can make gambling are huge. But to really hit the big time you have to gamble constantly and bet big; he who dares wins. Gambling can be very addictive, so if you find yourself re gambling any wins or you manage to gamble away your house/car/husband/child; then well done you. You are a master.
18. Don’t invest in yourself
Money is there to buy stuff and to pay for holidays and cars and food, not for investing in silly courses or training for a new skill. You are okay just as you are so why would you need to learn something new or improve a skill you already have? That would be a complete waste of time and money.
19. Borrow money from loan sharks
This is a quick way to get hold of some cash; no forms to fill in, no questions asked. All that happens is some dodgy looking guy comes to your door and sticks a wad of readies in your hand. What could be simpler? Don’t believe the stories about your door being knocked down and your valuables (and non-valuables) being taken away when you can’t pay the money back on time. That’s just what happens in the movies.
20. Go on an expensive vacation
Expensive vacations are better than any other kind of vacation. Furthermore, if you opt to go on a deluxe overseas tour you get to see the world just as it is, and if you are lucky you don’t have to look at poor people (unless you pay top dollar for a responsible eco-tourism tour, and then it’s just from the back of a jeep). Don’t worry about over spending while on vacation either; foreign money is not real money, and it’s totally normal to return home broke.
21. Make use of high risk financial instruments
You know what they say; no risk no reward. So if you want to make some real money you should only invest in the highest risk schemes you can find. The ones that pay the most commission to the salesman who sold you the product in the first place are usually the best. But don’t just be small with this, expand this thinking into everything you do; take out big loans and make sure all your credit cards have a high APR. Follow this tactic and abundance will flow…somewhere.
So there you have it: your indispensable guide to screwing up your finances. Don’t leave home (or surf the internet) without it.
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