Standing in the pouring Glasgow rain with my shoes in my hand and the first cigarette I’d smoked in two months in the other, I realized it was over.
You might immediately jump to the conclusion that this is your typical girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy breaks girls heart, but if anything, this experience is much more complicated than that.
When we first met, I was a dorky 12-year-old girl, bursting with hormones, dodgy sequined tops and a terrible hair cut, and she was much the same. We bonded over boy bands and braces, and in no time, we were inseparable—best friends forever: well so our necklaces said.
People treated us as a package deal, a pair who always came together: if there were partners in class, we were a team; if there was a birthday party, sleepover or school trip, one would never go without the other.
In some ways, it makes me feel so lucky as not many people can say that they’ve had someone like that in their lives. It’s like a sibling, but better in some ways because we were in one another’s lives by choice, not circumstance.
Time changes everything.
Fast-forward 11 years and one best friend break up later and everything has changed.
During a typical breakup, especially at a young age, you can divide your things, pack up your separate lives and walk away, but with a friendship, it’s like giving back half of who you thought you were.
Dividing up all the knick-knacks, memories you’ve acquired and, worst of all, the friends you both share.
For us, I think the benefits of breaking up were very much mutual. She seems happier and I definitely am. From my point of view, I learned a lot about myself, who I am and must continue to be unapologetically.
However, I also learned that there are parts of my own personality that I don’t particularly like; perhaps why certain things she did annoyed me so much is because she reminded me of myself. I can be stubborn, short tempered and overly opinionated, and I don’t truly believe that I can change all of these traits 100%, nor am I sure I want to; it’s simply who I am.
I’ve learned that I need to be more patient with people and allow them the time that I would like to be allowed. I’ve learned that her approach of planning everything down to the tiniest detail was not wrong, but simply different from my approach towards life.
I think that she has made me a better person, and a better friend for best friends to come, and I will always be grateful to her for that. I hope that she feels I brought something to her life, which will stick with her, but, if not, I wish her all the luck and love in the world for the future.
Looking to the future.
Since our ‘break up’, we have had very few encounters past the awkwardness of running into each other’s families and hearing the usual ‘It’s so sad you couldn’t work it out’ speeches.
The first time I saw her again was New Year’s Eve—a night we would typically have spent getting dressed up, drinking way too many shots and one of us eventually getting stuck being the sensible one and getting us home or at least a comfy corner to sleep in at whatever party we ended up at.
That was the night I realized that it would never be the same again, but I also realized that that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
People change: they grow up, learn more about their likes, dislikes, who they are and who they want to be. To imagine that we can all live in this unchanging bubble forever is naïve, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t miss it or wish we could.
Every time I hear a McFly song—our teenage obsession—or watch 10 Things I Hate About You, I will always think of her. Now and again, I’ll begin to tell a joke that I realize only she knows the answer to and, of course, it still makes me sad.
She taught me so much—silly things like how to dye my hair bright blue successfully and skip school without getting caught, but she also taught me that it’s okay to be yourself, that you can get over any boy with the right amount of crying and romcom binging and most of all she taught me that you never forget your first best friend.
Add Comment