I can’t seem to remember a time when I haven’t been talking to a guy. I can’t lie and tell you that it was never because I felt like I needed a guy around to make me feel like I held some type of worth.
Back when I was in high school, I was still trying to figure out who I was and what I liked about myself. I didn’t even know where to start, so I had guys help me figure out what could be ‘deemed’ likeable. On that note, I also had guys around who dictated what was not likeable, even if it was not something I was asking for.
We all know that there are upsides and downsides to every relationship. While going through these guys who never wanted to date me, but wanted all of the benefits of a relationship, it was clear how fast I was running down a road I knew wasn’t going to be good for me in the end. It led to endless tears and whys. It wasn’t until I realized that I was the reason why that I figured out everything needed to change.
Here are some of the things that I went through and have been going through being ‘that girl who always has a guy.’
1. Yes, I was very self-conscious
Like I said before, one of the main reasons why I felt the need to have a man in my life was because I felt like I needed constant validation. I was fifteen and had no idea how a guy was supposed to treat me. Since I was constantly looking for things in the wrong places (without fully knowing it), I thought that how I was being treated was the norm.
I thought I was doing everything right, giving into anything that guys wanted. While I was still a scared, prude little teenager, too afraid of guys to physically go anywhere near them at first, I still thought I had experience. I thought I was like all of the other girls because I was always talking to someone. When one guy left, another came—and another and another.
2. Nothing is ever simple
The little prude girl who was too afraid became a girl who had as much experience as she once believed she had. This time, though, it was obviously different. With time, growing older did mean getting wiser. After a couple of mistakes, I began to learn that I was worth more than what I was getting.
Once I learned my own worth, I learned more of what I wanted in a man and a relationship. I was tired of these guys treating me like I was a toy they could take off the shelf when all of the other toys were being played with. I’m making this sound a lot more black and white than it really was, but girls who always have a guy around know what having guys around all of time face, which is what I’m trying to explain now.
It took me a lot to try to value myself without the help of guys. It was difficult, but not impossible, for a while. I thought I was completely healed from myself and had more self-esteem than ever.
To a certain point, this was true, but it didn’t mean that it was a lot of self-esteem. I was still going through guys and even meeting up with guys, which was something I was once very afraid of. I still talked to multiple guys at once, but it didn’t make me feel as gross as it once had—until it started to again.
3. I don’t rely on guys for my confidence anymore
Having multiple guys to talk to at once isn’t going to make you feel better about yourself forever. There comes a time when you feel lonelier than ever, and that’s a scary place to be. You never want to be that girl who has so little self-esteem that she feels the need to have a guy (or many) have the power to tell her what she can and cannot like about herself.
There was a good amount of time where I still depended on a guy for my self-worth. Those days are long over. You get to a certain point where you just get tired of people telling you what you can and cannot like about yourself. You go from believing them with all of your heart to getting annoyed with the little boys who need insecure girls to make themselves feel better about their lives.
I still always have a guy to talk to. I’ve accepted that that’s the kind of girl I am. I get very lonely without attention, and that is something I still need to work on—but don’t think for a second that I haven’t come a long way since then.
I am my happiest when I am talking to a guy. That’s just the way it is. I like the excitement of something new, and I just enjoy having someone to talk to. That is something that I’m not ashamed of. Don’t say that I don’t have self-esteem because I ‘need’ guys in my life. I want guys in my life. There is a big difference. I feel valued because of who I know I am as a person—not because a guy calls me pretty so he can try to get in my pants.
Girls who constantly have guys in their lives aren’t always insecure. We aren’t sad. We have our reasons why we like to have guys in our lives. We know how to handle ourselves and handle them. There is nothing wrong with it. We live our lives depending on what we feel like we want and, on some level, need. Can’t judge a girl for that.
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