Why He Didn’t Try To Kiss On The First Date?

Did you recently have first date with a guy that didn’t even try to kiss you at the end? If you’re wondering what went wrong, read this breakdown of the reasons.

Why he didn’t try to kiss you on the first date? If you’re wondering what went wrong, read this breakdown of the reasons.

Dates have a certain unsaid expectation. If it goes well, you expect a kiss. Even if it’s just a peck on the cheek, it’s symbolic, as if the kiss makes it official.

More often the girl is the one who might shy out of a kiss, but guys definitely do it too, sometimes even when they’re very interested.

It could be one, or a combination of many things

f he didn’t lean in and go for the kiss on the first date, it could be one, or a combination of many things. There are many factors you should take into account before deciding on why you think he didn’t kiss on the first date.

You’ll probably find out on the second date when he either kisses you or hopefully makes obvious the reason why he isn’t kissing you.

If you reach the end of the second date and he still shows no sign of going for it, it would probably be okay to simply ask him, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

If you’re worried about maintaining the image of someone who doesn’t kiss on the first date in his mind, which may very well be where he has you, you will both have held out until the second date which makes it totally fine.

That being said, I doubt you need to be told not to flat out kiss him first (unless it’s just a peck on the cheek). The first encounter has major importance for the basis of trust in any future relationship.

When wondering if he can completely trust you on girl’s night out, he’ll think to himself, did she come on strong in the beginning?

Even if he was all over you like an animal trying get you in bed on the first encounter, he still might see it as you being liberal in terms of who you sleep with if he succeeds.

Not giving in easily for the first couple of dates could be important if you want him to potentially put you in the marriage material category.

Here are some possible reasons why he failed to kiss on the first date:

He wasn’t really sure if you were into him

Attractive casual young couple drinking a glass of wine in a hotel terrace

He might still not even believe that you’re totally into him. On the next date, if he’s still being like that then you should let him know you like him and give him a little more confidence to make the move.

A compliment would help get the message across, but something physical would be much more effective. An example of how you can do express that physically would be when he gives you a hug and you wrap your arms around him, do something to show a little more affection.

It has to be subtle because you don’t want to seem clingy or desperate, but at the same time, it needs to be apparent so he gets the message that you really do like him and want him to stop being so shy.

What you feel is subtle yet clear enough is obviously up to you, but one suggestion is hugging him tighter than you did on the first date or usually would.

He’s not sure if he’s that into you yet

Something could have gone wrong on your date that turned him off, something you said or did. Did you talk about politics or religion? If so, that could have done it.

In order to save you some heartache and lots of disappointment, have a look at the following signs that he is not into you. 

Or maybe he has been kind of on the fence about you ever since you met and isn’t sure if he wants to take it that direction. In that case, don’t worry.

If he invites you on another date, you’ll know more or less where you stand. If he doesn’t right away, just keep in touch with him if you can and maybe he’ll come around eventually and give you another shot.

He thinks you want to take it slow

couple at amusement park sharing ice cream

As mentioned earlier, he might be assuming that you’re not the kind of girl that kisses on the first date. It could be that he doesn’t want you to think he’s just trying to get in your pants.

If that’s what it is, then especially on the first date he would be trying to keep his hands to himself. Or maybe he’s really a gentleman that way and always has been .If he comes from a religious background, he might not even believe in premarital sex.

Another reason why he might want to take it slow could be that he just got out of a relationship and is still trying to shake off feelings for his former partner.

Getting close with someone soon after a major breakup can be difficult and awkward. He should snap out of it eventually though if that’s the cause.

Is taking things slow good for your relationship? Take it slow with a new guy because, otherwise, your romance will fizzle, is a piece of dating advice you’ve probably heard before. What do you think about this? Alternatively, do you believe it to be illogical?

He failed at making the move

Maybe he built up the pressure in his head and psyched himself out to the point where he couldn’t do it.

If he’s somewhat rusty or inexperienced with dates, he might have been nervous enough to actually chicken out on leaning over and planting a kiss on you.

Other people being around wouldn’t have helped if he’s that shy. The good news is that he’ll work up the nerve pretty soon.

He had embarrassingly bad breath in the moment

Garlic is the nemesis of first dates. If he enjoyed a fresh Italian pesto dish before or during your date without thinking twice, he might have come down with a serious case of dragon breath.

Bad breath can also happen randomly when you’re kind of nervous. Who knows, maybe you were the one who had bad breath and didn’t realize it.

If it was his breath that was so harsh that he was too ashamed to kiss you, then you can count on him bringing Tic Tacs next time and being ready to pucker up on date number two.

He’s teasing you or toying with you

kiss on the first date

Maybe he has some kind of plan. If not kissing you on the first date is part of some kind of strategy, you might have a player on your hands.

To purposefully not kiss you on the first date in hopes of setting up some kind of situation later on is unlikely, but worth considering.

Did he lean in for a kiss and then back away? Or, did he mention something about a kiss and then not do it when the time came? Did he play coy or act flirty?

These are all strong indicators that he’s playing hard to get. If that’s so, he’s either biding his time or waiting until you kiss him first.

Ask him

If none of the possibilities above seem to make any sense for what happened on your date, try to ask him indirectly why he didn’t kiss on the first date.

Maybe bring something else up that gives him a chance to explain what happened and see if he takes the bait. For example, mention something about when he dropped you off.

He might drop a hint as to why he didn’t kiss you, or hopefully he’s flat out volunteer an explanation for why he didn’t.

If your relationship with this guy grows, eventually you will reach a point where you can comfortably ask him why he didn’t try to kiss on the first date. He’ll probably tell you the truth if ever straight up ask.

Ways to Initiate a First Kiss

Perhaps he hasn’t kissed you yet because you were surrounded by people. Make sure you’re all on your own this time. That no one is watching you. Send him a text to start a movie-related conversation, and when he replies that he hasn’t seen the movie you were mentioning, suggest going to see it together,in the house. Sit on the couch with some popcorn. Good luck figuring out the movie’s conclusion!

Find out how to get the guy you like to kiss you for the first time.

Here are 5 ways to initiate a first kiss.


About the author

David Paulson

I’m a Florida native who can’t help but get myself into romantic trouble everywhere I look. During football season, I allow my weekends to be consumed with sports. During the long months in between, I focus most of my energy on trying to find the perfect match. So I’m here to share some of my knowledge with you, because I know deep down you’re just like me.

1 Comment

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  • Why do women think they’re entitled to a kiss? Or really, we do they think they’re entitled to anything from a man? Turn the genders around here, and you can see what a hypocritical question this is. The reason why he didn’t kiss you is none of your business. And really, the reason doesn’t matter. If you don’t like the fact that he hasn’t kissed you, then don’t go out with him again. Quit complaining, and take the action you feel you need to take. And he will do what he feels he needs to do. He may decide to dump you for being too demanding and pushy.