So you’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks or months, and think everything is going swimmingly when he drops the bombshell that he’s not ready for a relationship.
When a guy says this but still shows interest in you, you’re probably left feeling frustrated and unsure of what to do next.
His behavior isn’t matching up with what he’s saying, which doesn’t make it any easier to understand what he actually means.
But usually, there’s always something more behind the famous phrase that he’s a little more reluctant to tell you.
He wants to keep his options open
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
One of the most common reasons behind a guy saying that he is not ready for a relationship is because he wants to play the field.
He might like you but maybe he’s not sure if he likes you enough to be completely committed to you.
It’s possible he enjoys being single, seeing other women and hanging out with you at the same time.
Now you should be careful because if you’re investing in him as much as you would if you were in a relationship with him, and he isn’t doing the same with you, then you’re only going to get hurt in the long run.
You need to be realistic with what he’s telling you and try to avoid falling into the trap of proving to him that he should be in a relationship with you.
You should never have to prove your worth to anyone. Being in a relationship should be a mutual decision, that you are both 100% committed to.
So if he’s telling you he’s not ready for a relationship, but acts as if you are in a relationship with him by calling and seeing you all the time, then you need to think about whether it’s better to cut your losses and get out before you start developing even stronger feelings for him.
Scared of commitment
This can be more common than you might think. He might really like you but genuinely have concerns about committing to you. Maybe he’s never been in a serious relationship before so is scared of being hurt or it not working out.
Often with guys, a lot of the time it can be the labels that freak them out, rather than the actual thing they’re labeling. He might treat you as if you are his girlfriend but says he’s not ready for a relationship.
You should try talking to him and seeing if it is just a fear of being in a relationship or if there’s something else he’s hiding and not telling you.
He doesn’t think you are ‘The One’
This can be the most brutal reason hidden behind him saying he’s not ready for a relationship. Just like women, men know when they think someone is ‘The One’.
He might like you, but in his mind, he might have decided he doesn’t think it’s ever going to go anywhere so he doesn’t see the point in investing any of his time in a relationship with you.
Remember it’s not your place to try and convince him how amazing you are. If after a few months of seeing him, he’s ringing you but doesn’t want to commit to you, then he isn’t the right guy for you.
He should know after a few weeks that he wants to be with you, and likes you enough to be in a relationship.
Just the thought of you being with anyone else should make him want to commit to you so he doesn’t lose you to someone else!
The wrong timing
Believe it or not, sometimes relationships have a lot to do with timing. You might have started seeing someone who is in the area for business but flies back to their hometown in a few months.
He might not think it’s the right time for him to start a relationship with someone new. Or maybe, he’s not interested in a long-distance relationship.
Now, this reasoning is completely valid. Not everyone will want a relationship with someone when they can only see them every few weeks, or worse, every few months.
The timing might feel off but if he’s serious about you, then shouldn’t he at least try to make it work with you before ruling out a relationship with you?
What to do when he says he’s not ready for a relationship
You have several options here. First, you need to ask yourself what you want.
Are you happy keeping things as they are? Is it going to be enough for you in the long term? Maybe you don’t mind seeing him in a casual way for now.
Maybe you think he might change his mind, the more time you spend with him. I hate to break it to you, but this is unlikely.
If he doesn’t see you as someone he wants to go out with now, what’s going to suddenly change, months or even years down the line?
If you know you’re going to want him as your boyfriend eventually and there’s no sign he feels the same way about you, then you’re always going to be the weaker party, reacting to his actions rather than taking action yourself.
You’re always going to be the one waiting for him to decide, instead of deciding what to do with your own life.
Do you want to be in a relationship with this person? If the answer’s yes, then you should be honest with him and deliver the ultimatum that you want to be together in a relationship or not at all and see what he says.
The right guy will step up because they don’t want to risk losing you. The wrong guy will try to persuade you to ‘keep things as they are’ because it’s working fine right now.
But remember, it might work fine for now but later on, when he’s still not invested in you like you are him, you’re the only one who’s going to have wasted valuable time on him.
Don’t be afraid to walk away and find someone else. There are plenty of other guys out there who would love to have someone like you as their girlfriend. If he’s not into you, then I guarantee there’s someone else who will be.
The right guy will want to commit to you. He shouldn’t need any persuading or convincing, it should just be a natural decision.