Being a good kisser is not necessarily about doing things to impress your kissing partner. It’s about going with the flow, matching the occasion, and using a variety of techniques—but not too much variety.
You should try to have just the right balance. You never want to seem eager or like you’re trying to show off somehow. Being subtle with your techniques is key, but you still need to make room for your signature. Something to make you stand out, but not stand out too much.
Here are some pretty easy tips on how to be a better kisser coming from a male experience!
When to kiss aggressively?
There’s a time and a place for aggressive kissing, and if you do it outside of the right ambiance and the right mood, you risk seeming desperate or easy. Unless you’re really going for it, you need to play by the rules for the first kiss or even for the few several times you kiss someone.
Experimenting early on is not necessary, so just stick to your guns and show him the way that you normally like to kiss, BUT, tie in some new techniques to make your kiss more interesting, more enjoyable, and ultimately more memorable.
How to be a better kisser: The ground rules
As stated above, if you kiss aggressively, the guy will instantly think you are ready for sex, like NOW. If you don’t want him to jump to conclusions, avoid lip biting, sucking on his lip, and using too much tongue power until you get to know each other a little better.
If you don’t mind making your kiss sexual, or if that’s what you’re building up to, then these type of playful moves are excellent for turning up the heat. We’ll get back to how to turn up the heat later, though.
The guy is the one who is supposed to penetrate so to speak with the kiss. Let him lead and he will be happier with the way you kiss. Let him take charge of the kiss and determine whether there’s tongue or not. Some guys don’t like to go all out with the tongue. Personally, I like just a little bit.
For example, gently licking in rhythm with the motion of your lips. I prefer to let the lips do most of the work. That’s just my personal preference, but you would never know that unless I told you if every time we started kissing you opened your mouth wide and started tongue wrestling me.
I would have to follow your lead because you opened your mouth wider than I did. If you don’t let the guy lead, you risk forcing him to kiss you in a way that he doesn’t prefer or just isn’t used to.
It’s the same idea for how a guy should kiss a girl in order to be a better kisser, but since he is supposed to lead the kiss, he has to kind of feel it out. He needs to determine what kind of kisser she is by not starting with too much going on and paying close attention to the way she kisses back.
Kissing well takes a bit of effort at first, but over time it becomes second nature. Think of kissing as a form of communication. You want your message to be loud and clear but you don’t want to speak too loudly unless of course, they’re speaking loudly too.
If the guy is really working his tongue with force, obviously that’s what he likes most in terms of kissing. You should match the intensity of his kiss and try to find some kind of counteraction to the actions he’s doing with his tongue.
Kissing is very dynamic, so the methods and movements change a lot, but basically your tongue should be the yin to his tongue’s yang. Instead of going full force with your tongue against his and fighting with it, you should let it determine the movements you’re going to make.
Give when he pushes, push when he gives. But your tongue shouldn’t be extended into his mouth. He shouldn’t be extended in yours either. If it is, you can apply pressure and try to force it back into the neutral zone. He may or may not get the clue.
Who’s kissing who?
One person will have to be dominant in order for the other to follow their lead. As discussed earlier, it’s typically the guy, but definitely, doesn’t have to be. You may very well be the dominant one, and that’s totally fine if you are but then the responsibility to go along with your movements will be his.
Being the leader requires technique. Whether it’s good technique or bad technique, the leader has to do something. When both people expect the other one to lead, you end up just holding your lips together for a few seconds.
Even worse, when the one who leads the kiss has no rhythm, the result is a slop fest of awkward, bad kissing. They might not even notice it and think it’s normal. It’s not your fault if you try to kiss them and the result is a mess.
You are forced to follow their lead since they are all over the place and completely ignored your kissing style. You can’t be the yin to their yang if their style is complete chaos. Trying to be a better kisser yourself in this situation is futile. They will either have to learn on their own how to be a better kisser or be told by someone (yikes).
Classic kissing techniques
A safe first play for kissing a date is to not do anything wild and have a generally more toned down approach to your normal kiss. This is an unwritten law that goes back who knows how far. If your kissing partner starts doing a bunch of wild stuff immediately it means they are either really drunk, really horny, or really inexperienced.
It could also be a combination of the three. If you’re into it anyway, great, but you never want it to be the other way around where your date is thinking to themselves, wow, what’s this person doing to me.
If you were doing crazy moves to the very same guy after a couple more meetings he’d be thinking to himself, she has a wild side too, that’s hot. Long story short, introduce your kissing tricks slowly over time, not all at once.
Tried and true ways to kiss
Any direction of rhythmic licking along with the opening motion of the mouth is great. Using your tongue in a falling or downward motion simultaneously with the opening motion of the mouth is also quite good.
The result is a much softer kiss because the underside of your tongue is softer than the surface. You essentially briefly lick their tongue using only the soft underside of your tongue in repetition.
In general, slowing down the rhythm of your kiss allows you and your partner to actually feel the licking sensation from your tongues much more. The result is a much more affectionate kiss.
How to turn up the heat
Kissing with a deliberately slow, sensual rhythm is a good way to get the blood pumping. Fast kissing works too but might make your partner feel rushed.
It’s great for situations where the tempo is high and you’re both very excited, but for a relaxed evening at one of each other’s homes, it might create the sense that you’re in a hurry or that you’re expecting your partner to pick up the pace whether they want to or not.
Does it matter who backs away from the kiss first?
To a guy, not really. He might think that if he backs off first that he can toy with you a little bit, but most likely he doesn’t care at all.
The human tongue is incredibly versatile. Add in the softness and sensitivity of the lips and you have a lot of ways to do a kiss that you may not even have thought of.
If you can, you should try to discover some new kissing techniques by playing and experimenting with your kissing partner. You will inevitably find some techniques that they really like.
A few years ago, I was extremely insecure when it comes to kissing and I thought that, because of that, I will stay single forever. And then I read this amazing and really helpful kissing guide that helped me so so much. Now, my girlfriend says that I’m the best kisser she’s ever dated.
What to do if he is a bad kisser?
It happens. It really does. But ladies, I think you should be more forgiving.
Kissing someone new for the first time is exciting and scary because you really don’t know what to expect. Often our expectations are built up to such an extent that the guy doesn’t stand a chance! And remember, nerves can also affect the way a kiss plays out.
Don’t be sad. Give him another chance. Here’s what to do if he is a bad kisser.