When a man asks a woman for anal sex, most often the woman will cringe in fear and clench her cheeks with a very loud, “Absolutely not!” thrown at him for good measure. It’s true: Anal sex can be frightening. In fact, it can be downright painful if it’s not done properly.
We always hear horror stories about anal sex, too. You know the ones where they forgot the lube or he went in too fast. While these stories are probably true, it stands to reason that they could have been avoided if the couple knew how to properly perform. That’s what this guide is for.
If you and your lover are interested in anal sex, then you need to know how to do it right – without the pain and trauma and with as much pleasure as possible. Yes, before you ask, anal sex can be quite pleasurable… for both of you!
It isn’t just about him putting his man-meat into the other hole; there is a lot more to anal sex than you probably imagined. This guide will not only tell you how to make it less awkward, but will give you great insights on how to get the most pleasure out of anal play, the items you’ll need, the safest ways to play, and even how to give your guy anal sex (because he’ll enjoy it).
So, before you clench up and decide it just isn’t for you, let the anal sex tips here guide you along the right path to anal pleasure. You’ll be glad that you did!
The first thing to talk about when it comes to anal sex is safety. Don’t skip over this part. No matter how amazingly awesome the sex is between you and your lover, it’s absolutely imperative that you keep these safety tips in mind.
These aren’t in any way going to inhibit your sex play or lessen the pleasure; they’re just going to ensure you don’t get some kind of bacterial infection (because nobody wants that). So, before you begin, read these safety tips first.
1. Use a Condom
First and absolutely foremost in the realm of safe sex, you should always use a condom. Of course, this holds twice as true for anal sex because it’s riskier. Many people don’t realize the risks of anal sex, so let me explain.
Although the pleasure of anal sex by far exceeds anything you or your partner might ever experience, there are risks associated with anal sex. One of the biggest risks is STDs. I know, you’ve heard the HIV speech before, but I’m going to give it again. Anal sex is a bigger risk for HIV than vaginal sex because of tears.
Before you freak out by the idea of your anus tearing, let me explain. Due to the tightness of that particular orifice, whenever you have anal sex there are going to be small, almost microscopic tears inside. Chances are you won’t even feel it happening; however, those open tears leave you even more exposed for viruses and bacteria because of the direct “blood” contact with wounds – even the most microscopic wounds.
Because of that, you absolutely must use a condom when you have anal sex. Even if you and your partner are both HIV-free, there’s still a chance of other kinds of infection (men are usually the carriers of yeast, which is why we sometimes get yeast infections after sex) or bacteria from the rectum getting into your bloodstream – a nasty no-no!
2. Lube, Lube, Lube
Another one of the cardinal rules of anal sex is that you have to use lubrication. There’s just no way of getting out of this one. For one thing, if you don’t lube you’re going to be tight, which equals pain. If you don’t have a slippery slope of lube on your fella’s man-meat, he’s not going to get in very far.
Of course, we’ll talk about lube a little more later, but it’s important to note that if you’re using a condom (which, as mentioned above, you should be), do not use petroleum jelly as a lubricant! No matter how fabulous it lubricates and how easily affordable it is, petroleum jelly (also known as Vasoline) will actually eat a hole in the condom and render it useless.
3. Always Vaginal to Anal (Never Reverse)
If you’ve ever watched Clerks II, then you’ll recognize the big “anal to vaginal” debate. I’m going to end this argument once and for all: You can go from vaginal sex to anal sex… but you cannot go from anal sex to vaginal sex (unless he cleans himself off and gets a new condom first).
Now, let me explain why that is. Your anus has a lot of bacteria in it; bacteria that is important to the health of your colon and bacteria that is excreted from your body in the form of feces. None of those bacteria should ever get into your vagina. Ever! You’re risking some very, very nasty vaginal infections if you go from anal to vaginal without cleaning up first. It’s really not worth the risk. This also goes for anal to oral… DON’T!
4. Keep it Clean
In continuation of the above lecture on cleanliness, I’m going to advise you and your man to clean yourselves very thoroughly after anal sex (just to get rid of bacteria). Yes, it’s there – believe me. While you and your guy can get away with falling asleep in each other’s arms right after vaginal sex without necessarily cleaning up, you cannot do that with anal sex. Wash yourselves. Soap and water does just fine.
5. Take it Slow
Finally, in the world of safety, you must obey the “take it slow” rule. I’ve had crazy, fast, and angry vaginal sex plenty of times. I’ve had lovers who have (unintentionally) left me torn inside and kept my thighs battered and bruised from the pounding – which I highly regretted for the next few days.
You’ll regret it for a lot longer than a few days if you allow your guy to go all out during anal sex.
In order to have amazing anal, you have to go slow and soft. There should be no pounding! You could seriously be injured by hard anal sex, especially if you’re a beginner at it (although at any time really), so don’t do it. Keep the anal slow and soft. Don’t worry: Slow and soft doesn’t mean the kink is gone (we’ll get more into that later, too)!
So, remember these rules, practice safe anal sex, and enjoy the rest of these tips for having absolutely amazing anal sex.
Anal for You
So, do you think you’re ready to give anal sex a try? Did you read all of the safety information in the first section? If not, go and read it. Right now. I’ll wait.
Okay, so now that you’ve decided to give anal sex a try, I should tell you that you’re in for one Hell of a good time! Anal sex stimulates an entirely different set of nerve ending than what you’re used to through vaginal intercourse.
If you’re like most women, you probably don’t get much orgasmic bliss from vaginal sex. Most women are only able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Well, anal sex has an entirely different type of sexual stimulation – one that’s nearly impossible to put into words. You’re going to enjoy it! To get the most out of your first time, here are some very helpful hints.
1. You Have to be Aroused
While we ladies can often get by with being mostly aroused for vaginal sex, for anal sex you have to be completely aroused. You must be in a state of “I really have to have sex right now!” for your first time. Why?
Sexual arousal is important for you because your muscles need to be relaxed. If you’re even the least bit tense and not exactly sure you’re in the mood, you’re only going to make anal play more difficult.
The more aroused you are, the more likely your body will relax for you when it comes time to go anal. You see, you will clench up (it’s an automatic response), but if you’re relaxed and ready then you will also welcome the sexual surprise and the tension will be brief. Also, the more aroused you are physically, the more likely you are mentally to want anal sex.
2. Start Small
If your man is hung like a donkey, then you’ll probably be less likely to want him inside your tightest hole (that’s just logical, really). So, do yourself a favor and start small. Instead of having your man press his meat inside you the very first time, have him slide a finger in your anus instead.
Using his finger gives you a few different advantages. For one thing, he can still be inside you or giving you oral sex so you’re very well stimulated and ready for it, and for another, it gives you a glimpse of how pleasurable anal sex can be so that you can gradually increase to his huge hunk of man-meat.
Of course, one of the best ways to try anal sex for the first time is to try it by yourself. You can invest in an anal dildo specifically designed for anal sex. These small dildos are meant for anal play and are designed to be sleek, slender, and to fit comfortably inside you.
Although you can get these toys in a variety of styles and shapes, for your first time it’s best to begin with something sleek. Plastic works just fine and it’s even better if it has a little bit of “give” to it. If it’s too stiff, you won’t have the comfort needed with the natural ridges inside you, but if it’s too “loose” you won’t be able to get it in.
Also, don’t get fancy with it. Those pleasure enhancing bumps and rings on your toy might be excellent for vaginal play, but until you get used to this it’s best to stick with a basic, perfectly smooth toy. I don’t even recommend the one’s shaped like a penis quite yet; wait until you’re more advanced.
When you do find the perfect size, treat your dildo as if it were the real thing. Make sure you use plenty of lubrication and a condom (or at least make sure to clean your toy very, very well after anal play).
3. Get into a Comfortable Anal Sex Position
There are many different sexual positions for anal sex. If you’re going to do this alone, the best position to be in is on your knees or you can even try squatting. I know, it doesn’t sound very sexy to squat into a sexual position, but trust me, it makes it easier. You should only squat if you can maintain your balance; if you can’t then get on your knees in a sort of doggy-style position.
Once you’re aroused, lubricate the dildo generously. Yes, it should be slimy and wet! Make sure you’re very aroused (masturbation is good for this). Slowly and carefully slide the anal dildo inside. You’ll feel the pressure and you’ll begin to tense up, but remember, it’s just you and that means you can do this at your own pace. It’s also good to give yourself some clitoral stimulation at this point if possible. I know it might be awkward, but again it will keep you aroused.
Ease the dildo in slowly. If squatting isn’t comfortable for you go ahead and change your position. There’s no right or wrong way; it’s all based on your own comfort.
4. Don’t Tense Up! Just Relax…
Do you remember the first time you had sex? It was uncomfortable, right? You were tight and nervous and tense, and the more nervous you became, the tighter you got. Well… this is going to be like that multiplied by ten. The key to amazing anal is relaxation.
If you are ready for your man to be the one inside you, instead of a toy, the least awkward position is to be in a doggy style position. This will allow your man easy access for anal sex. It also keeps you a little more exposed.
Some people find that exposed feeling uncomfortable, so if you would rather try another position, I suggest standing and leaning against a wall with your legs slightly (and comfortably) apart.
Make sure that your guy is extremely lubricated before he goes in, and make sure that he goes in slowly (no matter how much you might think it’s okay to push it in and get it over with, you have to remember that your anus is not meant to stretch the way your vagina does, so going fast and hard will only hurt you and possibly injure you). The first time you try anal sex it will feel like it’s taking him forever to get inside you. That’s a normal feeling. Let him ease in.
It also helps if you continue to stimulate yourself as he’s going in so that you are focused on something else and your body stays loose. Play with yourself while he’s slowly entering you anally and you’ll have a much easier time.
5. Do it Gently
If you’ve ever seen porn videos of women having anal sex, then you might think it’s quite alright to go pounding away at it. After all, they look like they’re having fun, right?
In actuality they probably are having fun. Anal sex is amazingly pleasurable when you’re doing it right. However, you’re not a porn star so don’t go expecting to be able to ride ‘em wild (neither your toy nor your loverboy). Ease into it gently and later you can up the stakes and go bigger and faster.
Anal for Him
There are plenty of sexual taboos for men in regards to anal sex, so you’re probably wondering why I even wrote this section. Believe it or not, as awesome and titillating as anal sex is for you, it’s even more fabulous for a man! I know perfectly heterosexual men who don’t mind anal sex with their woman once in a while.
Of course, there are numerous reasons why men would prefer not to admit they want to try anal sex, but let me tell you the reasons they do admit to it. First, the pleasure they get is similar to what we get when we have an intense orgasm (I’ll explain in a minute), and second they can act out some of their darker fantasies through anal play. Did you know that for every one female dominatrix there are ten male submissives looking to be dominated? This fantasy is actually a lot more common than you think.
Also, there are just some men who are sexually curious. They could very well just want to know what anal sex feels like because they really enjoy sexual pleasure. Or, they could be bi-curious but not ready for a male partner.
The point is, there are many reasons why men enjoy anal sex and if you’re going to give your partner this pleasure then you need to know how.
1. The Male G-Spot
Yes, ladies, men have a G-Spot, too! It isn’t always the most common knowledge available, but there are ways you can pleasure your man that will drive him absolutely insane! The male G-Spot is located inside the anus, about three inches up and against the inner wall. In other words, it’s the prostate gland. It feels just like the female G-Spot, like a sort of bump inside the rectum.
When gently stroked, this spot causes men to have intense orgasms. Sure men can orgasm without this particular stimulation, but why not give him full pleasure? One of the most fun things about anal sex is being able to pleasure your partner like nobody else has done before.
2. Using Your Finger
If you’re going to be giving instead of receiving anal this evening, you can always use your finger on him, too. Although many women like to wear a rubber glove before they stroke the male G-Spot, there are some guys who think it feels too much like a prostrate exam.
Before you give your guy the finger treatment, make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails are clean. I also suggest not doing this if you have fake nails or long fingernails (because he might get scratched, which will not be comfortable). Also, lubricate your finger before insertion. Some men might find the idea of this uncomfortable, so it’s best to take your time with him.
Once you’re ready, slowly insert your finger into his anus, and lightly push against the inner wall. When you feel a bump, you’ll know you’ve hit his G-Spot. Once you’ve found your man’s prostate gland, gently stroke it back and forth.
You’re going to notice a few things now. One, your man will have a rock hard erection as you stroke that sweet spot. Two, he’ll be making noises you didn’t even know he could make, and three, he might get emotional. All of these things are very normal.
3. Using a Toy
Just as you would use a small dildo on yourself the same should hold true for your guy. One of the best inventions, though, for anal play on men is the butt plug. I know, the name isn’t very attractive, but the results are intense! This toy is one you and your man will both enjoy.
The butt plus is meant to be gently inserted in your guy’s anus and to stay there during sex. As it presses against his prostate gland, it gives him that “G-Spot” stimulation and you get to reap the rewards of his long-standing erection.
Of course, if you’re more interested in actual anal sex on your guy, I recommend using the same rules as the ones you would use for yourself. Start small and sleek, and most importantly…go slow. Always lubricate any toy you use, and wash the toys if you’re going to share them.
4. How to Make it Still Feel “Masculine”
One of the biggest issues when you’re trying to give a man anal is that he’s afraid of feeling emasculated. Some men actually want to feel this way, so if you have a sub kind of guy, then you won’t have this issue. However, alpha men need a different kind of approach.
The most comfortable position for a man to be in when you’re going anal on him is also doggy style. This position allows you entry access and him an open and receiving posture. However, not many men are comfortable in this position, so you might need to take a new technique.
One possibility is to have your guy lay on the bed face up and his body flat. If he’s comfortable with it, have him bend his knees for you. This position not only allows him to feel less vulnerable, but it also gives him plenty of space for the inevitable lasting erection. You will need to be a little more cautious with him in this position because it’s difficult to tell how far in your going and at what angle.
5. Oral and Anal Simultaneously
You can also keep your guy’s manhood intact by giving him oral sex as you stimulate his prostate. Watching you give him oral pleasure will still make him feel like he’s in charge (it’s a subconscious sort of thing in men).
This isn’t just fun for him, either. If you lay in the same position with your knees bent in the air and allow your man to give you anal sex with a toy as he performs oral sex on you, then you’re going to have the most mind-blowing sex you could ever imagine! In fact, I recommend this above any other kind of anal sex, simply because the pleasures (for both men and women) are so intense and the orgasms are so explosive it’s practically impossible to compare them to anything else.
Your man might need a little convincing if you want to give him anal sex, but don’t be alarmed by that. It’s completely normal for a guy to be put off at first (social stigmas and taboos, of course). However, if you allow him to pleasure you first, then you’ll have an easier time convincing him of the joy. Also, it’s always fun to be the first to try new things!
Toys and Things to Play With
Contrary to what you might have heard, anal sex does not have to mean the usual “he puts his man-meat in your other hole.” There are plenty of ways to make anal sex just as fun and creative as any other mind of sex. Sure, you might not be able to get into some of the same positions as you can with vaginal sex, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pull out the toys and have some real fun!
In my experience, dildos are one of the first toys of choice for any sexual play. There are many different kinds of dildos, too. Many people think that dildos are the plain and boring rubber dongs that you can find real cheap in most adult magazines, but if that’s all you see then you’re not looking hard enough.
There are plenty of dildos out there in all kinds of shapes and sizes. There are your traditional rubber dildos in every possible skin color (meant to look like a real penis) and every possible size, of course. However, have you seen the glass dildos? These beauties are a work of art. They are usually slender and have colorful and intricate designs in them which allow for more stimulation. For instance, there is an anal glass dildo that has little blue dots on it that stimulate your anus as you slide it in and out.
Dildos are convenient for a number of reasons as well. For one, you don’t have to worry about batteries. For another thing, they are waterproof (which believe me is an entirely different world of fun).
When choosing a dildo for anal sex, I still recommend the ones that are specifically meant for anal penetration because they will have the right give and they’re designed to be a comfortable size.
2. Anal Beads
If you really want to get the most out of anal sex, buy yourself a set of anal beads. These toys are very easy to recognize as they look like a long plastic string of pearls. Anal beads are amazing for both you and your guy because they’re simple and they have a unique pleasure. Plus, it’s usually easier for men to be open-minded about anal beads than it is for them to jump right into an anal dildo or a butt plug.
It’s easy to use anal beads as well. Lubricate the string of beads thoroughly and lubricate the area around your anus. Now, slowly (very, very slowly) slide the plastic pearls inside your anus. You don’t have to stroke with the anal beads, you don’t have to do anything but leave them in there as you continue your love-making session.
However, once you begin to climax, slowly pull the string of beads out one by one as you orgasm. The sensation of the pearls pressing against your nerve endings as they exit your anus, along with the sensation of the orgasm you’re having, is guaranteed to be one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences you’ll ever have. I known super-alpha men who have gone completely nuts over this particular toy because the pleasure is even more intense on them (those beads press gently against their G-Spot and stimulate it as they are slowly pulled out during his ejaculation). It’s really intense.
3. Strap Ons
One of the most underestimated sex toys on the market is the strap on. When you think of this toy, do visions of dominatrix women in black leather dance through your head? If so, you’re not alone in those images. Strap ons are often associated with BDSM games and are one of the more “taboo” toys out there.
There are a variety of strap-ons for you to use with your partner, and they come in all shapes and sizes. It is probably going to be in your best interest to get an adjustable strap on, which allows you to change the toy. That way you can have fun with different sizes.
Many men wear strap ons when they’ve already had an orgasm but their partner has not. However, this toy can be worn by either one of you for anal penetration.
One word of warning, however. Because you are not used to having a penis, you really won’t know how fast you’re going, how hard you’re sliding in, or what angle you’re hitting. In fact, if your guy wears the strap on, he won’t really be sure of any of those things either (it’s just the nature of the toy). Be prepared to be especially careful and cautious when you get into strap on play with your guy. No matter which one of you is wearing it, you have to be especially careful with anal sex when using this toy.
4. Anal Stretchers
Have you ever heard of anal stretchers? I hadn’t either until about a year ago when I was doing some online toy shopping and happened across these particular beauties. Before I go on, I feel the need to clarify something. There are two types of anal stretchers: Those which look like butt plugs and go from slender to enormous in one big plastic toy…and those which are just different sized dildos in a package. I’ll be referring to the latter.
Of course, you can get the anal stretcher butt plug. It does work! On the downside, it isn’t quite as aesthetically pleasing and your guy may give you a resounding “No way!” if you ask to try it out on him first.
Therefore, I recommend the very amazing set of anal stretchers. These are basically different sized, very sleek and slender dildos, which range in size from small and thin to long and massive. Because they gradually go up in size, you get to let your body slowly adjust to them.
Why are these so important? Because dildos are expensive. If you try to purchase five different sized dildos separately, not only will you find it completely nerve-wracking and practically impossible, but there’s almost no way you’ll get the same style of dildo. You won’t have that problem here. These anal stretchers even come in their own classy carrying case. If you plan on being an avid anal sex player, then I highly recommend investing in a set of anal stretchers.
Some of you may not know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo. It’s simple, really. A vibrator has batteries and it vibrates or pulses whereas a dildo does not. Now each of them have their own sets of pros and cons (which I won’t get into here), but I will say why you might want to eventually invest in a vibrator for anal sex.
Vibrators have a very specific feel to them. The pleasure you get from these toys is something you’re not likely to find anywhere else. Imagine your guy’s man-meat inside you, pulsing and throbbing as he penetrates you. Yeah, it’s that good.
Vibrators are even good for anal sex. The nerve endings are different, and the anal feel of a vibrator is going to be somewhat strange initially, but you’ll get to enjoy it. One thing I recommend is to set your toy on pulse. The constant vibration may be too much to handle through anal sex; however, the pulsing sensation is perfect for a little extra stimulation. It’s also great for him because the pulse goes right to his G-Spot and intensifies his pleasure at least tenfold.
There are some very thrilling vibrators on the market, too! While the most popular vibrators are meant for vaginal sex (such as the rabbit), there are smaller vibrators that are rubber and slender and can easily be used for anal sex. I don’t recommend a vibrator that spins around in circles or is way too thick because your anus does not stretch that way. Still, a small rubber vibrator with a G-Spot stimulating head is great for anal sex on you or him.
No matter what you have heard about anal sex, the fact is that it can be one of the most intense sexual pleasures for you and for your guy. Anal sex can be performed alone (just like any other kind of masturbation) or with a partner and there are many different ways to enjoy anal sex.
You definitely don’t have to stick to traditional “doggy-style him squeezing inside you uncomfortably” anal sex. In fact, I suggest avoiding that one.
Instead, go out and purchase a few special toys for your play. Try a slender dildo on yourself before you ask your partner for anal sex so that you get a feel for what it will be like. Don’t let the embarrassment or fear of discomfort prevent you and your guy from this particular sex style.
Although it will take a little while to get into the swing of anal sex (after all, nobody is a natural at sex), the slower you go and the more patient you are, the more pleasure you will have. You and your lover both will benefit from giving anal sex a try.
Again, make sure you use plenty of lubrication and always practice safe anal sex. I hope you enjoyed these anal sex tips! Feel free to share your own anal sex experiences or ask questions in the comment section below!