How to Lose Your Virginity in 4 Easy Steps

This is a very sensitive topic among young girls. To make things worse, there’s a big veil of mystery and misconceptions surrounding the act of losing your virginity. The first step to making it easier on yourself and be more comfortable is getting your facts straight! So, read on!

It’s a fact that losing their virginity is causing fear and anxiety to all the girls that are contemplating going forward with it. It’s somehow set in our minds that this will inevitably be something unpleasant and painful, no matter how and with whom we do it. It’s like everyone expects unease, pain, extensive bleeding and even tears, and is very fearful of that moment. This doesn’t make it any easier to do.

So many girls are psyching themselves out and listening to horror stories from their more experienced girl-friends which only make them more stressed out. At the same time, not many of those girls actually know what is really going down when having sex for the first time. So, the first step most definitely needs to be:

1. Get Informed about Your Anatomy

It’s important to know exactly what’s going on to be more comfortable. If you know about the things that are going down you’ll be less anxious and worried.

So, first off – the hymen. No, it’s not this bullet proof, very tough to tear, barrier that’s going to put up a massive fight and cause you immeasurable pain. In fact any pain you might feel during your first intercourse is more likely linked with other things and not breaking your hymen. But, we’ll get to that later.

So what is the hymen then? It’s just a membrane that covers a part of your vaginal entrance. It even has a hole in it that allows blood to flow out during your period. And, it’s possible it’s already been broken due to playing sports, bike riding, masturbating, tampon inserting etc. If it remained whole however, breaking it when losing your virginity usually causes mild pain and little to no bleeding. (P.S. bleeding a lot is okay as well, it varies from girl to girl and is no reason to get scared)

The thing that can cause you the most pain isn’t even triggered by the act itself – it’s fear and tension. So, the next step would be:

2. Don’t Go Through with It if You’re Not Ready and Not Comfortable with Your Partner

Only if you’re ready and feel respected and safe with your partner will you be able to relive yourself some of the tension and anxiety about losing your virginity! The thing is, while breaking the hymen doesn’t usually cause that much pain tense vaginal muscles do.

If you’re stressed out, scared and uncomfortable, not to mention if you’re not sure you want to go through with it you’ll be tense. And that tension will translate directly to your muscles – even the ones inside your genitals. If these muscles spasm in tension it will make your first love-making much more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

So, the way to losing your virginity with as little pain as possible is actually being ready to do it, feeling comfortable and ready!

3. Foreplay then Some More foreplay then a Bit More and then Sex

kiss me 2

Foreplay is important because it will make you loosen up and get more into it. The more of it the better ’cause your vagina will produce more fluids and it will all be more oiled up, so to speak. When it comes to sex in general – the wetter you are the better.

When it comes to losing your virginity – being wet is essential! This is why, it’s also recommended to use some water based lubricant, if you’re unable to get there naturally. It will definitely make the process a lot easier!

4. Go Easy

Go Easy

The most important thing is to have a partner who is understanding and takes it easy to relieve you as much pain as possible! That will make everything so much more comfortable and pleasant.

For starters, forget about thrusting! At the beginning you have to be the one that determines the amount of pressure you can take and what speed works for you.

So, the solution is to have great communication with your partner and be really vocal and in touch with what it is you’re feeling. Also, even though it might seem more natural to go through with everything in the missionary position for the first time it might not be the best choice.

Think about trying a position where you’re in charge, like girl on top. It’s okay you don’t really know what you’re doing and you’re inexperienced – it’s not about that. You’ll get there, but first you’ll have to lose your virginity, and that’s the way to do it easy and basically pain-free.

About the author

Mina

I like sarcasm, coffee, quotes and Audrey H. I hate clammy handshakes. Restless and violently happy most of the time. Sometimes i get the mean reds. "You see things and say - why? I see things and say - why not?"

30 Comments

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  • thanks this made me feel so much better about my body and my future sex life. it doesn’t seem as scary anymore

  • I want to have sex couse I think am finally ready to loose my virginity to the MAN of my dreams! It’s just that I am afraid what will happend to me if my family find out! My father is very strict becouse of his religion, that’s why i’ve been keeping my virginity more than 30 years! I am proud of couse there an’t many like me, but I think i’ve finally met my PRINCE CHARMING! should I wait till perharp he’s asking me to marry HIM? Oh I love & want him so much! Please HELP?

    • I am 20 and still a virgin! I’ve been with my boyfriend almost five years now and I’m totally comfortable with him and ready but every time we’ve tried it’s too tight or is too painful! We’ve tried using lube, doing different positions, the shower, everything… Idk what to do!

      • i also fall under the same category but i just wanted to know how to make it without bleeding

      • Did you ever go through with it if so what helped you i am in this exact situation now

  • HI guys, I do wanna have sex but I wonder if there are some sex position that you & your partner may perfome withouth tearing your HYMEN?

  • Hey guys! I’m 19 and a virgin… obviously, but i want to experiment with my sexuality. I don’t have a boyfriend but i certainly want to have sex. I was thinking of proposing to a friend of mine being friends with benefits to explore with someone i trust. Let’s put out there that i don’t, by any means want a boyfriend but i really do want to have sex and all that comes around it. What do you guys think? Is losing your virginity THAT special or is it a decision that can be made like this? Please help I need an older perspective but I ain’t calling my mum about that one!

    • Crissy, loosing your virginity at right time will be the good decision, I think 19 to 21 will be the best age for you or else you will suffer when tearing HYMEN.

  • Hello everybody im 16 and a guy and yes in a virgin and so my girlfriend but we made a kind of promise we will lose or virginity together but the problem is that she is afraid of pain so we have been reading about how to avoid paint together and I told her to penetrate herself once a week or something to be raidy for it ! What you guys recommend her to do at this point ?? Thaxa for your time

  • Okai well I would like to lose my vaginity and I am very scared about that as I have a very low thresh hold and I have never penetrated myself using my fingers as I am even scared about the pain form that ehhhh I need help and fast x

  • I am 19 an a virgin. Breaking my virginity is the biggest nightmare I’ve ever had.I fear feeling the pain. I always imagine the pain n feel it yet I’ve not had sex it’s just imaginations. Help me I want to loose it but am so scared of the pain

  • Ok, ladies, hold on. I’m 21 and have had sex… once. It doesn’t hurt as bad as you think. I was afraid too, but there was barely any pain at all. At first it was tight and I felt some pressure, but after a while it felt more natural. My hymen must have already been broken, because I didn’t feel it break. These awful thoughts you have about your first time are probably exaggerations.

    • I am 19 an a virgin. Breaking my virginity is the biggest nightmare I’ve ever had.I fear feeling the pain. I always imagine the pain n feel it yet I’ve not had sex it’s just imaginations. Help me I want to loose it but am so scared of the pain I have boyfriend who has engaged me but the problem is how he can break my virginity anytime he try to sex me then I will feel like am in hell and I will start bleeding too much

  • Firstly, I got married at the age of 29. Both I and my husband were virgins and knew nothing about sex. Today, we are enjoying each other, even more so because we waited. My husband was really patient and tender with me and though it was painful, I am glad I am married to the only man I will ever make love to.
    19 – 21 is NOT the perfect age to have sex. As far as you are not a minor, you can have sex if married.
    Those who have done it outside marriage will advice you to go ahead, its fun, they will say, but its not true. Many of them regret it and wish they could get their virginity back and give it up to the right man, their husbands or wives. Even though you seen knowleagable in how to go about it, I know there’s something in you that makes you wish you had waited.
    If you make the wrong choice of spouse, you’ll also have regrets. So please, do things right. Save sex for your spouse and keep your virginity till then, it not only is worth it, the trust you’ll have will make your relationship sooooo much better.

    • Hey! I am a 20 year old virgin and most my friends know that too! I am waiting to be with someone I am in love with and feel the most trust and comfortable with! It’s funny because I know quite a bit about sex and my friends always call me “horny” or “thirsty” lol All those friends have lost their virginity….they have ALL told me to wait for that special person that my instinct says YES to! Even my guy friends who are straight say they regret their first time because it was with someone they did not care too much about (two of them talked about their ex-girlfriends… so those in relationships who are not ready..its okay, wait till you are). I still have not kissed anyone yet either … makeout wise ….I had so many opportunities to as well and I’m okay with that…. I will do both at the right time with the right person…which I feel is very soon! This message is for those who are stressed about being a virgin and want to wait like me but sometimes doubt themselves! xo Love yourself

  • Hey I’m 14 and I want to loose my virginity so sad but I don’t want my mom to find out. and she’s taking me to see a gynocologist next year “will she find out when she takes me or what” I’m really scared but I think I’m ready but at the same time I don’t have a boyfriend either any body have a number for me?

  • i am a 23 yrs old virgin,never once allowed penetration,even with my bf i’m with and even thou i really trust him i never allow him or any one to finger me,,i’m afraid of pain but i want to be open by my guy,i want to have sex,but it’s difficult,he’d try those things but i’d still be worried,please help me,give me some tips on how it can be very easy and less painful for my boyfriend to deflower me

  • I am 22 years old. I’m still virgin. I’d like to be honest, I’m not ready to have sex yet with a guy. I want to break hymen myself with vibrator. I know I won’t be losing virginity to a vibrator. I just think it safe and I don’t have to worry any STD’s or anything. I get anxiety attacks, too. Please help me out here :/ Is it right thing to do that? Answer this please :/

  • Itz not as painful as they say it is bt it will be easy for you to be free if u usually use tampons etc .you should enjoy

  • am scared about loosing ly virginity cause i respect religion but i do really want to loose but everytime am i beginning i turn to slow at penetration am faustrated and i love ma boyfriend but don’t know if what am doing is right

  • Wel allowin ur pattern or ur lover to break ur virgnity is gud bt it depend on the guy if he knw the value of the virgnity.ad wil value the gal ad the virgnity.lyk wise a guy lyk my frnd her guy break up her virgnity ad after breakin her virgnity.the guy left her ad went ad told anda guy dat he has goten want he wants.dats unfair my advice to gals dat the shuld be careful be4 breakin up ur virgnity.

  • I already lost it a long time ago and i came across this article,it’s very helpful to be genuine.

  • My wife is 24 years. Old we. Married last year but she still scared to lose her virginity i have tried several times to convince her but she is really scared of . before we marry her friends in college told her a lot bad things like has lots of bleeding too much pain this and that

    Please I need any advise

  • Hello, you used to write magnificent, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!