It happens. Women believe they found “the one” and married “the one” only to realize “the one” isn’t “the one.” Consequently, these women fall in love with someone else during the marriage.
It’s a conflicting issue. Is leaving one relationship to be with another the answer? Is resisting temptation and focusing on the marriage the right answer?
We break down the answer, but we must warn our readers that it won’t be pretty in advance.
The cause of being married but in love with another man
The temptation originated from somewhere, so contemplate where the attraction came from. What is he doing wrong in the marriage that makes you desire another man?
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
What are you doing wrong that makes you want out of this marriage? These are natural questions to explore.
Honestly, answer those questions and know there’s no wrong answer to them. The answers will give you insight into marriage imperfections.
Signs explaining the tempting origins begin with unhappiness in the marriage. Examples of unhappiness that leads to this temptation include:
• lack of romance
• insufficient communication
• uncontrollable temper
• no positive encouragement
Lack of romance doesn’t mean sex ONLY. Romance is doing nice gestures out of love besides sex. Besides, no woman appreciates being a sex object; the relationship then becomes a one-night stand hookup.
Those relationships rarely last. Therefore, simple things such as calling to say I love you or cooking dinner says a lot about how much both parties appreciate being married to each other.
Men AND women should display romance. The other signs listed above are self-explanatory.
Signs occurring once or twice won’t lead women toward another man. Continuous signs occurring (i.e., nonstop communication issues, perpetual neglect, continued lack of romance) leads to women searching for answers elsewhere.
Regardless, understand that falling in love with another man while married counts as cheating. It is emotional cheating, and women must select one of two options to resolve the issue.
Give into being married but in love with another man
This section explains women who are about to or already gave into temptation along with the consequences.
These women will throw their marriage away for “the other man.” The difficulties surrounding this choice are explained in detail.
Communication starts the cheating process and sex raises the stakes, yet it isn’t what women seek. Women seek understanding, love, friendship, support, and validation and the man swears he can do that for her.
The passion is great in the short term because both parties are happy. The dilemma is enjoying happiness behind the husband’s back. Besides, those emotions now become short lived. In the long-term, the problems will bubble to the surface.
The backlash will dent the marriage, yet the emotional passion of “the other man” is too gratifying to stop. There lies the push and pull of temptation.
The problem in this new relationship is a strong foundation not involving sex and communication. Is he using you to fulfill his needs? Will he fulfill your promises? Beyond that, what interests do you and the man share?
If there’s no solid answer to these questions that’s believable, then the feelings in your heart may be lust and/or limerence. You desired something and “the other man” filled it. What’s next?
Infidelity will affect you, the other man, the husband, the children, family members, friends, and your guilty conscience. The answer better be satisfying. Your marriage and this new relationship are both at stake.
Resist being married but in love with another man
Since the emotions will fade, the long-term solution is to resist temptation and fix the marriage. To resist temptation, these crucial steps will assist in reducing or curing you of the lust and/or limerence that is fueling the emotional impulse. Grab the ideas that work best for you.
1. Say positive things about your husband. Negative qualities linger long after a resolution.
If this is pushing you toward temptation, say positive things about the husband. Not everything the man does is bad.
2. Say negative things about the “other man.” We like to believe the other man is everything we desire, so saying something negative may deflate some of those positive impulses.
3. Consider the husband’s emotions. Would you appreciate your man cheating on you with another woman? Highly doubt it.
4. Avoid physical temptation. It’s difficult to avoid the “other man” at all costs, but if you love and respect your husband, you will do it.
5. Face mental and emotional temptation. This sounds contradictory to #4, but mental and emotional temptation comes before physical temptation. Thoughts leave because women push those thoughts away. Face those thoughts. As the thoughts play out, determine if this fantasy is worth pursuing. More than likely it isn’t.
To fix the marriage, wives must fix themselves first. Overcome emotional cheating with these critical steps. Like resisting temptation, grab the ideas that work best for you.
1. Stop daydreaming about the “other man” continuously.
2. Never dream about a future with the “other man.” Perpetual thoughts about him weaken the current relationship with your spouse.
3. Permanently end written, social media, and face-to-face contact with the “other man.” Lose his number too; stop calling and texting him.
4. Seek counseling. Marriage counseling and personal counseling can assist with sorting out emotions. In turn, you and your husband can communicate better in hopes to move past this challenging issue.
Understand that you are not alone. There’s no shame. Nonetheless, these emotions didn’t come suddenly. Acting on these emotions is an irreversible answer that leads to divorce. Save the marriage first.
Confess those thoughts to the husband. Despite hurt emotions, maybe honesty can heal a damaged relationship. If the marriage breaks apart, be on the right side of history by doing everything in your power to save this marriage.
This article provides a standard solution to please both husband and wife, but we won’t encourage our readers to believe the solution is a breeze.
Vicissitudes are natural. Women must show restraint toward strong emotions whether the “other man” has restraint or not. Fight back against temptation with knowledge, self-control, and self-awareness.
The marriage is worth more than strong, temporary passion for a person you barely know beyond text messages. The consequences of being married but in love with another man are too detrimental to pursue. Staying the course is the lesser of two evils.