Relationships

Why Do We Keep Going Back To That One Guy?

We can't help but wonder why women keep going back to that one guy? Is he that irresistible? Is he so controversial? Here is the real answer to that question.

Our evolution for dating continues to harden and strengthen us. We dodge the stressful, scary, and contentious relationships in favor of healthy ones while transforming from the wide-eyed rookie to the confident pro.

Still, we rely on that one man when healthy relationships turn sour. He's the one man we cannot let go. Why do we keep coming back to that one guy?

Because “It will be different this time”

Pensive sad woman with glass of wine looking at window during th date

Remind me again; why do we keep going back to that one guy? Besides, it failed the first 100,000 times, so what's one more? Women hold on to the idea that things will change.

Infidelity will end. He won't hit me this time. He put the casino days behind him. Nevertheless, he fails to deliver on his promises. This cycle is a broken record.

Our positive outlook is draining us because we are wasting our energy on someone who doesn't appreciate it. He is taking advantage of your company and presence.

Stop chasing him; he doesn't respect your effort. He should chase you, and if he doesn't take the bait, he wasn't worth your time in the first place.

Because “He's the backup plan”

When the relationship goes south, he is our backup plan. He fixes our mistakes, provides reassurance, listens, cheers you on, cares for your well-being, and unafraid to disagree. He's a man women keep in their back pocket because he is loyal.

Sorry ladies, but women cannot continue to run back to him when things fall apart. No excuses. He is not your parent, fixer, or friend.

Women must learn to cooperate in the new relationship and deal with issues in the new relationship themselves. Besides, why do we keep coming back to that one guy anyway? Another friend can fill the spot.

Because we need to compare

Cute young woman drinking coffee on a first date

“This man hurt me and I won't let this happen again.” What a strong start. The next date starts with an open mind. Nonetheless, when he does mannerisms similar to the ex, you jump to conclusions.

The assumption that this man will do the exact thing he did to you is keeping you from finding real love. No two men are alike. Comparing the two is sabotage.

The opposite is possible. This guy is our greatest love. He means the world to you. You embrace the strengths and make excuses for his flaws so he becomes a man who can do no wrong. If that's the case, why are you dating someone else?

Since you can't have the “great love”, you'll take a new man temporarily until he runs back into your arms. In the meanwhile, the “greatest love” mentally comes to every date. You use the new man to build a new and improved version of him.

Why do we keep going back to that one guy? Who made the other guy the measuring stick for subsequent guys? Ditch constant comparisons and concentrate on the date's qualities with an open mind.

Because we like it rough

This is going to sound disturbing, but you embrace the pain he causes you in hopes he'll eventually love you. You convince yourself love is about pain and heartbreak. You also convince yourself the pain is a sacrifice for the payoff.

That reason behind the question, “Why do we keep going back to that one guy” is heartbreaking. Yes, love contains vicissitudes, but love is about more “ups” than “downs.”

Women should enjoy being around men, not live in fear or melancholy. A man who makes a woman feel unloved is not worth your love.

Because we are desperate

Troubled woman expressing despair

Why do we keep coming back to that one guy if he won't change? You get it. He will never change, and you learned a lesson about this relationship. To turn the tide in your favor, you believe the man will return if you change for him.

If he didn't change for you, is changing for him superior? Doubt it. This is showing desperation and insecurity, and he will take advantage. Additionally, he won't appreciate the effort.

Because we are sorry

In this instance, the man didn't fail the relationship. The woman did. Therefore, you are promising not to repeat the same mistakes. This time will be different. Hotheaded anger, bossy attitudes, or selfish nagging will never cross your lips again.

Understand it is up to him to accept or decline the invitation. If he accepts, you must strive to be the person you promised to be. If he declines, accept it.

Don't get mad. It's his right to say no. Just know the damage caused by you hurts him deeper than initially thought. Instead of wondering why do we keep running back to that one guy, let this hurt motivate you to find a better man.

Because we need closure

Close-up of alluring woman kissing male neck

Women expect closure. If the relationship collapsed, a woman wants to understand why the relationship failed. The reason may encourage women to follow the paragraphs “because we are sorry” and “because we are desperate” to keep the guy around. Likewise, it could help us to move forward with life lessons on what not to do.

An alternative reason for the closure is to make sure breaking up with you was correct. A face-to-face confrontation provides honest insight because we get to see his appearance, his personality, and his girlfriend in hopes he's miserable without us.

Neither situation provides adequate reasoning to resolve the question, “Why do we keep going back to that one guy?” Instead, those reasons are excuses to see him one more time.

In closing, why do we keep coming back to that one guy? No answer stands out as the primary reason. The reason depends highly on your motivations.

Unfortunately, none of those reasons is good enough to communicate with “that one guy.” Therefore, women must cut off communication with him permanently.

As far as closure goes, some relationships don't get closure, and women must accept that not all relationships will end like a romance novel.

To find the right man, women cannot return to the past. You cannot chat with that one guy about your problems in the current relationship. You cannot ask him for favors, either. If he is the one who is holding on, it's your job to end it.

About the author

Tonya Jones Reynolds

A professional writer with years of experience, I like adding my personal spin on various topics. I worked in various marketplaces like Textbroker and Blogmutt.

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