You might have heard that in order to enjoy a long relationship, and potentially a marriage, the main thing you need to do is to learn the art of compromise. That is partially true, but, to be realistic, you are not always in the mood to balance between yours and his needs.
Also, many female magazines insist on the fact that when love/sex disappears from a relationship it is the time to say goodbye. That might be true, but don’t forget that in every relationship there are times when you are not in the mood (or just don’t have time) for sex. Not to mention that after each argument your boyfriend probably isn’t your most favorite person in the world, hence the feeling that love is slowly disappearing.
So what is it? What is that glue that holds two people together, preventing them from separating for many years to come? The answer is – THE CHOICE!
1) Consciously deciding to stay no matter what
Of course, I’m not saying that you should stay with a man even when he is hitting you, cheating on you and treating you like garbage. But, in normal circumstances, you have to make a conscious decision not to immediately threaten him by saying that you’ll leave him after every fight, or argument. You also have to stop thinking about it even when you don’t say it out loud.
For example, you two are walking down the street and you start arguing about the fact that his mother is visiting tomorrow. The problem is that you’ve already made reservations to go somewhere during the weekend, and now you have to stay at home with her. You start nagging him that you never go anywhere, that he always chooses his mother over you and that your relationship is in crisis because you don’t spend enough time together.
Of course, your mind immediately starts thinking: “As soon as I find someone better, I will leave him and I won’t have to put up with this anymore”. But, the truth is, that other man you might start dating could annoy you with something else. He might live with his brother, he might have children from the previous relationship, he might be a manipulative liar, etc.
Are you going to leave every time you have a little argument or disagreement? That is a great pattern to stay alone and single forever. Because of that, please, next time you think about breaking up, try to find every possible solution to your problem(s). If everything fails or if you see that he is making zero effort to do the same, then you should definitely reconsider being in a relationship with such person.
But, don’t forget, you are the one that makes the choice!
2) Choosing to put him first
In a relationship, you HAVE to forget about selfishness. You are not the only important person in your life anymore and you have to watch everything from both perspectives. If he comes from work after you, and you know that he is tired and feeling down, don’t nag him that you are tired as well and that he should stop whining (and maybe even wash the dishes, fold laundry or take the dog out for a walk).
Try, just try to do a little something for him. Make him coffee, serve him a little something to eat, try to cheer him up, kiss him as soon as he enters the house. The little things like that turn a relationship into a sanctuary where we escape the grueling everyday life.
Don’t let the society fool you, men DO notice when we do little things for them and it motivates them to reciprocate. Don’t always watch the movie that you want to see, don’t always listen to your music, don’t always insist on going to your favorite restaurant. Mix it up a bit, learn something more about him, what he likes or what are the new things that fascinate him. Choose to be that kind of a girlfriend!
3) Stop searching for hidden meanings
Women tend to overanalyze stuff and to search for hidden meanings in every word men say. You keep doing that, and you’ll see how your mind finds something new to fight about every single day. Why is it so difficult to hear the words he says and to understand them just the way he said them?
From now on, choose to stop picking stupid fights over the most irrelevant things (that in most cases are only the fruit of your imagination). Choose to listen to what he has to say and to stop instinctively opposing to each and every complaint he has about your behavior. Try to think about it and change the things that you also find annoying about yourself.
4) Choose your relationship over anything else
Remember, the two of you are now a team and that team has to be the most important thing in your life. It might sound a little controversial, but no friend or relative is more important than your relationship or your love.
Why am I saying this? I am saying it because you NEED to choose to listen only to yourself or your gut when it comes to your relationship. Don’t listen to other people’s opinion about him, about his behavior, about the way your relationship looks from the outside, etc.
No one knows what is happening between two people and how their relationship really is when they are alone, so why let anyone be nosy? That way you’ll only let others jeopardize that special bond that you have with your boyfriend. Choose to say NO to other people’s opinion and to forbid them to make assumptions about your relationship.
5) Let him choose you
Of course, none of this matters if your boyfriend doesn’t give a damn about you or your relationship. You need to give yourself to him to the max and then let him reciprocate. Allow him to give his love back to you, to thank you for everything that you’ve done for him, to realize that he HAS TO do the same for you.
Be realistic, and go deep down your heart. At the end of the day, does he respect you? Has he ever done anything that left you breathless? Does he remember to do the little things for you? Does he like to prepare your favorite pasta, does he take you out for an ice cream on weekends, tucks you in while you’re sleeping, or buys you your favorite chocolate from time to time? If you answered yes to any of this, then you should be patient and persistent with him and your love.
It is easy. You can either choose to be with him and to fight for your love ’till the last bit of your strength or to know from the start that your relationship is going nowhere and to give up on the first detour.
The choice is yours!