Oral sex is a normal and healthy part of your sex life, but there are some people who are intimidated by the thought of it. It could be you or it could be your boyfriend.
The good news is that a little bit of knowledge is all you need to take control of the situation and begin to maximise the pleasure potential of your sexual relationship.
If you or your partner are reluctant to experience oral sex together, start off by considering why. There could be many different reasons as to why one or both of you are nervous or feeling negative about it…
- Is hygiene a concern?
- Does one of you have performance anxiety?
- Is there a fear of the unknown?
- Perhaps one of you has had a previous bad experience?
- Maybe one of you doesn't realise how much oral sex can improve your relationship?
- Does the thought of it make one of you feel squeamish?
Communication is top priority when it comes to creating intimacy and trust in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. First you should try talking to your partner about oral sex. Find out what each other thinks about it, share past experiences, fears.
If you want your partner to go down on you, you should be at the stage in your relationship where communication comes naturally and there is trust between you. If not, then perhaps this is something you need to work on first.
Sure it can be intimidating to talk about something so personal, but what could be more personal than having a guy go down on you? If you're up for that, then surely you should be up for a conversation about it?
Oral Sex: The Facts
Next you can solve many of the issues above simply by learning the facts about oral sex, and getting to know your body.
If you know everything there is to know about your body, then you are more likely to be able to help your guy understand everything that he needs to know, so that you can grow together and learn how to enjoy such an intimate experience properly.
So many couples make the mistake of not truly communicating with each other, and the result is that the oral sex isn't necessarily as enjoyable as it could and should be. At the end of the day neither of you are mind readers and you can't be expected to know how each other is feeling or what each other finds pleasurable unless you find ways to express it.
Vagina Myths and Facts
- Your vagina is not unclean. In fact it is self-cleaning because it produces its own secretions that are naturally designed to keep chemical levels exactly where they should be. If you are experiencing abnormal secretions that are coloured or possess an unpleasant odour, then you probably have an infection.
- Every girl's vagina smells and tastes different. These things can depend on your diet, whereabouts in your cycle you are, the material of your underwear… You don't have to worry about what your vagina smells or tastes like because your body is designed to naturally attract a male specifically through these physical traits. Just make sure that you are clean, and embrace your natural self.
- Your vagina is not ugly! Every woman's vagina looks different. Pale skinned girls tend to have darker shades of purple down there, whereas darker skinned girls tend to have paler pink shades. Some have very neat lips, others have very long openings, skin may be tight or more loose and crinkled. The truth is that men aren't comparing what your vagina looks like to other women's they may have seen, because they can't – no vagina is the same! There is no comparison to make. Each is unique. Besides the most important thing is not what it looks like, but how it feels – this is what your guy is going to be more interested in. If a guy is negative about the look of your vagina, the chances are he isn't mature enough to be down there! Any negativity is more likely to be fear of the unknown.
How to Give Your Guy Instructions on Oral Sex Technique
Just because a guy was the king of oral sex in his last relationship, it does not mean that his technique is necessarily going to do it for you! Every girl is different and it is important for him to pay attention to what turns you on.
There are some girls who prefer a harder approach, whereas other may be more sensitive. I know women who literally can't bear to have their clit directly stimulated, whereas there are others who can handle all sorts of vibrators directly on their clit, and may even need that direct stimulation to reach orgasm.
So never assume that he knows what he is doing if it is the first time he is going down on you. As far as you are concerned, he is going in blind and needs your direction and gentle guidance. There are ways of giving it though. You don't want to intimidate him or make him think that he's useless or doing everything wrong.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind…
1. Positive encouragement is far better negative criticism. If he is doing something that feels good, make sure he knows it! The more you show you are enjoying something, the more likely he is to continue. If he is doing something uncomfortable or not quite right, be subtle, make a suggestion or tell him him exactly what you want. He will be grateful of your instructions, especially if it leads to you jerking upwards in unexpected pleasure!
2. If you are uncomfortable talking about what makes you feel good, or you find it distracting, use sounds to show your approval. Heavy breathing when you feel something good building up is always a good indicator for him to keep doing what he's doing.
3. Help him along by tensing your muscles and allowing your body to react to the pleasure he is providing you with. You can arch your back, touch yourself, fondle your breasts, grab at the sheets… anything that displays the fact that you are having a good time.
4. Don't fake it! It's the worst possible thing you can do. If you exaggerate when you're not actually feeling pleasure you will just confuse him, and you will only be letting yourself down, because he will think he is doing all the right things when he's not.
Don't forget that the best way to make leverage and make him feel obliged to “repay” the favor is by giving first. Master these 5 oral sex techniques first https://youqueen.com/love/sex/5-oral-sex-techniques-that-will-make-him-go-crazy/ and he'll definitely want to make you happy too.