Workplace romances are controversial. They say you should never date at the office but what if you fall in love? Here’s how to deal with a crush at work.
If you don’t meet your soulmate in college, don’t worry – there’s always one more place that you can meet your dream guy, and that’s at the office.
Workplace romances are definitely controversial. Some people say you should never date someone that you work with, and others think it’s truly no big deal.
The jury is still out on what the real answer is. Like all matters of the heart, sometimes you just have to take a risk and see what happens.
If you’ve got a crush on a co-worker, we’ve got you covered. Read on to find out how to deal with a crush at work!
Some companies absolutely forbid employees to date… and others don’t seem to have a problem with it. Others have a rule somewhere in the middle. It might be okay as long as you don’t make it super obvious at work.
Before you go any further with your office crush, it’s a really good idea to figure out if it’s even legal or not. You don’t want to start dating him, then find out that it’s not allowed, then watch both of you get fired. Oops. All you need is to lose both your job and the object of your affection, right?
You know the ones. They’re the questions that you definitely don’t feel like thinking about. But they’re also super important and they’re the kind of things that you would ask your best friend if she was in this situation.
Ask yourself, will this hurt your career? Do you work closely together? Are you in the same department? If you think that having a crush on this guy will be way too distracting and that your boss and other coworkers will start to notice, then it’s probably not a good idea to go down this road (no matter how cute he is).
If you’re on track for a promotion or are under your manager’s careful eye these days, then it might not be the right time to pursue a romance at the office. It sucks, sure, but it’s just the reality of your situation.
There’s no point risking your job position if this guy doesn’t even like you back, right? Your next step is to figure out if you think that he is interested in you as well.
This really isn’t as hard as it might seem at first. After all, you can usually tell when a guy likes you if you meet him at a party or through a mutual friend. Does he seem to find random excuses to come by your desk and talk to you?
Does he seem super interested in everything that you have to say, even the boring stuff? Do other people think that he might have a crush? If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then he probably feels the same way. You can start seriously considering whether or not this might be something that could actually happen.
Okay, so you don’t want to flirt so much that everyone wonders what’s wrong with you. You’re in a professional setting, after all, and you definitely have to remember that.
But if you don’t flirt, this guy might not realize that you even have feelings for him, and then you’ll be right back to your single life. If you’re willing to take the risk, then go ahead and look super cute every day at work. Put a little extra time into getting ready in the morning. Offer to grab him a coffee when you go for your Starbucks run in the morning, ask about his weekend, and generally take an interest in his life. If he likes you, he’ll catch on soon.
Put a little extra time into getting ready in the morning. Offer to grab him coffee when you go for your Starbucks run in the morning, ask about his weekend, and generally take an interest in his life. If he likes you, he’ll catch on soon.
Chances are your company has some kind of work events all the time. You might go to regular happy hours with your coworkers, or maybe there are some parties that you guys organize. Those are pretty much built-in times for you and your office crush to hang out.
Of course, you can’t use that as an excuse to get all touchy feeling. You’re not at a friend’s party or in a casual setting. Keep things formal, but definitely get a feel for whether or not it seems like he’s enjoying spending time with you outside of the office. If he is, then you might be able to start thinking seriously about the two of you starting a relationship, because it might be a real possibility.
The best thing to do in this kind of shaky scenario is to think about other guys. Is there anyone else that you could date? Have you met any other equally cute and smart and funny guys recently? Can anyone set you up? Did you swipe right on the hottest guy ever yesterday and you’ve been considering meeting him for drinks?
If you consider dating other guys – or even just one – it might bring some clarity to the situation. If you absolutely can’t imagine dating someone other than your coworker, then congrats, you have it bad. And it might just be worth the risk. If you are okay with seeing what options you have, then maybe it’s just a little crush and not something that you really need to act on. If you feel relieved about that, then that’s your answer.
And it might just be worth the risk. If you are okay with seeing what options you have, then maybe it’s just a little crush and not something that you really need to act on. If you feel relieved about that, then that’s your answer.
The thing is that if you make the first move when you’re crushing on a co-worker, you’re taking a massive risk. It’s pretty much the biggest risk you could make. If he doesn’t like you back, you’re going to be, well, crushed… not to mention totally and completely humiliated. You’re going to have to see him every day and that’s going to make things super awkward. Are you really prepared for that? Probably not. Because no one would be.
There’s also the fact that if you two work closely together and he rejects you, you will feel even worse, and you want to try to avoid that.
However, if this guy makes the first move, then it’s work taking the risk. It’s a subtle difference but it’s actually a really, really big one when you think about it. That’s because if he asks you out, then you can feel free to say yes.
Also, if he asks you out, then it’s clearly meant to be because it proves that these things have a way of working themselves out.
So let’s say that he does ask you out, you say yes, and the two of you begin dating. It may seem like life is going pretty well because you not only have a job that you love but you’re dating someone you’re super into as well… and, hey, you just happen to work together. You get to see him all the time. Bonus, right?
The problem is that you might end up breaking up six months to a year from now… or maybe you don’t even make it past the second or third date. It happens.
You can deal with this as long as you’re both prepared. Have a conversation with him about being mature and calm and professional if things go south. He’ll understand and be grateful that you don’t want to make things so awkward that one of you has to leave the company.
If you two do start dating, then you need some faith… and a whole lot of it. You’re going to experience a bit of push back from your fellow employees and that’s just the way that it goes. People are going to be jealous and make terrible comments, acting like you’re getting special perks (even if this guy works beneath you or in a totally separate part of the company). They just won’t understand they might not be super supportive or even supportive at all.
But that’s okay. You don’t need their permission or their approval to be happy and be with a really great guy. If you have a true bond with each other, then this just might be the best relationship of your life.
Why not? Tons of couples have met at work. It’s actually a great foundation for a love story since you have something in common (your jobs) – and it turns out that since your career is such a big part of your life, that’s pretty cool.
You just might need to have some faith and believe that you are doing the right thing and that things are going to work out just fine. Sometimes, when you’re facing uncertainty, that’s all you can do.
Dating at work is never easy, and dating your coworker just might be the most confusing decision that you ever make. But if it brings love into your life, it could be worth it.
Have you ever dated a coworker? Are you for or against turning your work crush into your boyfriend? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.
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