9 Ways to Get a Guy Who’s Not Interested in You

Are you crushing on a guy who seems to think you’re invisible? Do you long for a dude who doesn’t know you exist? Here's how to get a guy interested in you.

We’ve all been there before, ladies. We have all longed for someone we just couldn’t get our hands on. It’s a horrible feeling to want a guy who isn’t interested in you, isn’t it? You feel like there’s no hope. You feel as if he’ll never let you into his world.

There are, of course, many things I could say to you about trying to get a guy who’s not interested in you. Usually, the first thing I say is, “Move on and find someone who is interested in you,” but I won’t say that this time.

I know a lot of couples who had to work to get their partner to pay attention to them, and it wasn’t easy. Even I’ve had to work on a few “crushes” every now and then to get the guy.

So here it is, ladies, how to get a guy interested in you (it’s easier than you think):

#1 Be Casual

Charming woman in a cafe

One of the things that push guys away is that some women come on too strong. Maybe you’re too dressed up for him all the time, or maybe you are openly interested and it freaks him out. Guys are often on edge about these things. If you want to at least begin to catch his eye, it’s a good idea to just be cool and casual dress down, even see him sporadically. Don’t overwhelm the guy.

#2 Talk to Him About His Interests

Guys love themselves. It’s true; they really have these huge egos. I always get a guy to notice me more when I know a little something about whatever it is he’s into, though. It gives the guy a chance to talk about himself for a while. Now, don’t be too knowledgeable. Most men want to show off their knowledge to you. For the first few conversations, be thrilled and amazed by his “expertise,” and then later find a way to show him you were paying attention or have a little “extra tidbit” of knowledge on the subject you can share with him.

#3 Show Him You’re Cool Being Friends

As you’re learning his interests, become his buddy. Wear jeans and sneakers around him, put on a little make-up, but nothing noticeable (just enough not to look like you just rolled out of bed), and be relaxed with him. Don’t get into the “guy zone;” you’re not a guy so don’t make fart jokes or hit him in the arm or beat him at basketball… don’t do anything that will make him think you’re a guy. But, don’t show him your emotional feminine side yet either.

#4 Flirt Gently

young couple with drinks in cafe outdoor

Once you’ve gotten into his world and you’re comfortable around each other, it’s time to start flirting gently. Giggle when he tells a joke and casually touch his arm when you’re talking. Don’t do anything overly flirtatious and don’t pull out the big guns yet, ladies; it’s still a fragile transition stage here.

#5 Gradually Step Up Your Game

If you can gently flirt with him and not completely repel him (or even better, if he gently flirts back), then it’s time to step up your game. Now you can wear cute tops that show off your curves, and do your make-up a little more. Show him you’re a little more than just another one of the guys, but not all the time. Give him hints of your feminine charm and then go back to being casual so he sees there are more dynamics to you than he might have first thought.

#6 Show Him the Womanly Side of You

Now that you’ve been casual with him and made him feel comfortable, it’s time to show him that womanly side of you. Go full out with a skirt and heels and give him a look at the side of you he hasn’t seen in a very long time, but only for a moment. It’s important you don’t act as if you’re showing off for him. In fact, here’s where step 7 comes in.

#7 Be Amazing…With Another Date

an handsome man meets a beautiful woman in a cafe

If you want a man to take interest in you, then you have to show him that you’re a hot commodity. In other words, let him know that he’s not the only man on the planet. If you’ve spent all your time getting to know him as a friend and becoming comfortable with each other, then you start pulling out your womanly side and showing him glimpses of that, when he sees you out with another guy he’s going to lose him mind. In fact, this will be a turning point for him. Don’t date every guy that you see, but find yourself a guy that is very good looking, very macho, and will make your crush jealous. I know, it’s an evil game…but it works.

#8 Be Busy

You’ll notice that as you and your crush have become friends, you’ve spent a lot of time together. Because of that, it’s important to give him a break and make him wonder where you are and what you’re doing. See him only occasionally and act completely normal, but be the first to go (say you have a date, or you have plans tonight…make him wonder).

#9 Invite Him Out

Once he starts asking questions like, “So, where have you been?” or wondering what you’re up to, it’s time to invite him out. You can say something as simple as, “I’ve been so busy lately and we haven’t had the chance to catch up; would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me Sunday?” Give him at least three days’ notice, make sure it’s something simple, and then show up looking soft and feminine and very interested in everything he has to say. After your “date,” be casual and normal and slightly flirty, but still be friends and feign casual interest. He’s going to want to chase you.

In order to get a guy who’s not interested in you, it’s important to show him many different sides of you and to still let him chase you. 

About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.


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  • As a guy, half of this would really confuse me and piss me off, especially with another guy. If I liked the girl I would have no idea what she would be thinking going with another guy. I wouldn’t want to be the guy who is being used either. It would make me worried to ask the girl out because I wouldn’t want to be rejected and try to go further with a girl who I would think has another special guy in her life.

  • As a guy, I’d lose all interest completely at step #7. If I found out this was some kind of “game” she was playing, I’d lose all respect as well. Guys don’t think of girls as being of “high value” the same way women do (by judging ow many men are interested in them). If they see a woman out with another guy, then suddenly switch interest to you, we assume she’s either “easy”, not serious about anyone or just doesn’t know what she wants. In either case, she’ll probably will not seriously be considered for a long relationship. My advice, be yourself and leave the games in the X-box.

  • I don’t know how to get close to him, he’s always surrounded by friends and I’m too shy to go talk to them :c

  • If you want to date a guy you have to wear some jeans and sneakers around him put on a little make-up and don’t make it noticeable be casual and then start flirting when he says jokes giggle and tell him he is not the only guy you dated

  • i am only 12 years old and there is this boy at my school and i am soo shy to speake with him so how can i make him notice me when he is around with his GF

  • I’m not use to girl so I don’t talk to girls much and I’m use to my friends and I’m around them a lot, but I’m interested in girls either. There are many more things that you might not know about guy/girl that something they not uses to or around to.

  • Never, ever take a woman’s advice on what men want. They don’t even know what they want. I’d sniff out the fakery at step #2. Don’t pretend you’re interested in what I’m interested in. Chances are you you don’t even know me that well. The instant I detect game playing, it’s NEXT.

  • Dating other guys is definitely NOT a good way to get that guyinterested in you. Nobody wants others playing love games with him or her. I think u should get to know each other more. Be brave girls and boys. Chat with him or her and that is it.

  • There is a boy in my toution..and I think He is not interested in me and I just want that he star loving me…..
    Plz give me some tips

  • Here’s the problem. It’s easy to be laid back and cool if the guy has no other girls around but if you know other girls are interested it brings out your inner crazy. You want to get there first. You should do a post on what to do if there are other equallu competitive girls orbiting the guy you want especially if he gets more face to face time with them e.g. they work together. Not so easy now is it?