How to Deal with Betrayal the Smart Way

Betrayal can come from many sources, from friends to people at work, to those closest to us such as our spouses or close family members. It can range from petty betrayals by colleagues right through to the big stuff such as infidelity from partners. Here is how to deal with betrayal the smart way.

Betrayal is not a nice thing to have to deal with and at its worse, it can be devastating.

Signs You Are Suffering from Betrayal Trauma

First of all,  it’s important to note that there are various sorts of betrayal, and each one has an equal likelihood of seriously harming the betrayed person’s wellbeing. The trauma of betrayal makes the person feel like their whole world is falling apart and that they will never be the same.

Do you feel anxious and depressed? Struggling to fall asleep? Do you feel like your life is passing you by and you don’t enjoy it?

If you are confused and you don’t know how to move on, maybe you really suffer from betrayal trauma. But, don’t worry. there are some things you can do to deal effectively with betrayal. 

1. Realize You are not Alone

How to Deal with Betrayal the Smart Way

Betrayal can be very hard to come to terms with, but it is not uncommon.

It can happen to anyone and it’s been going on since time immemorial, no one is immune, even Jesus Christ was eventually betrayed.

Betrayal is an unfortunate characteristic of human nature and even your closest friends can be quick to betray you if aroused by envy. Sometimes we can be betrayed by those who we think should be showing us gratitude for all the help with has provided them in the past.

But this can be a dangerous assumption to make.

Tacitus, a senate of the Roman Empire, recognized this unappealing characteristic in humans when he said ’Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure’.

Betrayal is not always obvious either

Sometimes the signs are there but we give people the benefit of the doubt or are in denial.  At other times there are no signs and this type of betrayal can be all the more difficult to deal with.

Sometimes the worse betrayal comes from silence.  People can betray you by cloaking you in a wall of silence, thinking that it’s better to not say anything that allows you to be aware of what is really going on.  In the words of Martin Luther King; ’There comes a time when silence is betrayal’.

Whatever the course or the source of betrayal, it is important that you don’t think that it’s necessarily your fault, or is a result of something ’bad’ you did to a friend or a loved one to make them commit such an act.

Some things fester over the years and betrayal can have many motives.

Remember, you are not alone.

2. Accept How You Feel

Apart from being initially shell-shocked by what has happened, you will have to come to terms with how you really feel and find a way to mitigate the damage already done.

Sometimes we can find ourselves going back to the very core of a hurtful situation, perhaps we are in denial about what really occurred, or we wish things could go back to how they were before the betrayal.

I have been in a situation where I was betrayed by a group of people who not only stabbed me in the back but conspired against me. Yet, I wanted to go back into the very heart of it.

I wanted to be accepted again. Its’s funny, because I even thought I could rebuild the trust.

But I soon realized that I could not get what I thought I needed from this group of people, and never would.  The damage had been done and things would never be the same again.

So I had to accept that the cost to me emotionally of going back into the fold was far too high.

Sometimes you have to just walk away.

Another way we react to betrayal is by experiencing a whirlwind of emotions from anger to fear to a sense of loss. These feelings can be incredibly intense and it is completely natural to feel strong negative emotions.

Accepting these emotions and feeling your pain is part of the healing process.

At this stage it is helpful to talk through your feelings with a friend, a professional counselor, or even the perpetrator themselves if the situation calls for it.

3. Don’t Retaliate

Deal with Betrayal the Smart Way

How to deal with betrayal the smart way? Don’t Retaliate.

Feelings at such times can be very intense as we are confused, hurt and bewildered, our emotions are still raw and so they can make us act irrationally.

Give yourself time and space to assess the situation and try your hardest to be objective.

Dealing with betrayal and coming to terms with the hurt inflicted on you by people who you love and trust is a huge thing.  So first and foremost be kind to yourself.

Although it is normal to want to retaliate and seek revenge for the hurt you have suffered, this will not be to anyone’s benefit.

Don’t stoop to their level, instead act with integrity.

4. Don’t Dwell on It, Deal with It

It is important that we don’t dwell on what has happened; if it was a personal infidelity you might think you want to know all the intimate details, trust me, you don’t.

It will only make you obsess about the situation more.

Give yourself time to heal, and stop running the story in your head. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for how you deal with the situation now.

You do need to confront the situation head-on, but this does not mean that you must have a fight, just that you should try to address the issue if possible, even if it is with yourself.

Don’t just brush it under the carpet.

5. Learn from It

Betrayal teaches you not only about other people but also about yourself.  Did you allow others to constantly cross boundaries, or borrow money from you?  Did you call them to account when they crossed the line? The more people push and the more you give in, the messier it usually is in the end.

Accept what is and learn from it.

However, it is important that you refrain from blaming yourself for betrayal; it usually has little to do with you, and everything to do with the perpetrator. But if you are going to carry on with the relationship you do need to understand why the betrayal happened in the first place to prevent it from happening again.

It might be that the person suffered from low self-esteem, it could be just a mistake, it could be anything.

The important thing is that you don’t take the betrayal personally and free yourself from blame.

Otherwise, you will carry this distrust with you into other relationships.

So learn, accept, and move on.

6. Forgive

Deal with Betrayal

Forgive if you want to know how to deal with betrayal the smart way.

Yep, that old chestnut.

But let’s just take a minute here to understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t.

Forgiveness does not mean you are a walkover and that you condone what happened to you.  It doesn’t mean that everything in the garden is rosy and that you have to transcend into some kind of ethereal plane of enlightenment.

It doesn’t even mean you have to reconcile with the person who betrayed you.

What it does mean is that we change our perception of how we view the situation, instead of viewing it from anger and holding onto hot coals, we accept what has happened and come from a place of understanding.

Forgiveness is for you to drop all your emotional baggage.

Try to understand that not everyone who betrays you has done so intentionally or comes from a place of malice, it may be that there were other reasons, they just couldn’t help themselves or did it out of fear.

Forgiveness is about your own inner healing.

7. It Doesn’t Have to Be the End

Some relationships are worth another shot.

People will make mistakes and disappoint us; it’s just a fact of life. We are not immune to making those mistakes ourselves. We have all been there.

However, moving on from betrayal and rebuilding trust does take time.

It is not something that happens overnight and it requires commitment from both parties.  As with most things, actions speak louder than words.  Don’t ’forgive’ if you don’t really mean it because hollow words don’t build relationships.  It just leads to more mistrust and bitterness down the line.

In a personal relationship where there has been an infidelity, just because you are the injured’ party, it does not give you the right to throw up the past at every available opportunity.

This is not ’moving on’ but ’rubbing it in’.

So if you are going to continue with the relationship, you also have to provide that trust to your partner. If you cannot forgive, then don’t waste everyone’s time, it won’t work.

This doesn’t mean that you are brushing the affair under the carpet, but that you are building a new relationship on different and hopefully better terms.

In all such circumstances, regardless of who betrayed who, all parties have to decide on whether or not the relationship is worth saving.  If both parties are committed, you can turn it around.

Sure it takes time, trust and a lot of hard work; however, the results can be amazing.

You can actually end up with a better and stronger relationship than the one you had before.

Sometimes you have to take something apart to build it stronger, to give it firmer foundations.

This is how to deal with betrayal the smart way

Trust me, I know.

About the author

Eleanor Goold

As well as being an avid reader, Eleanor is also a big time animal lover; especially of dogs. If you have a tail, four legs and you bark…. you’re in! In her spare time she enjoys swimming, and vegetable gardening… but not at the same time (it can get a bit messy).


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    • Thanks u hit the nail on the head i was betrayed by my ex and a family was 2 years ago it hurts ladt yesterday.i have to stop obsessing,i think about it everyday thinking what could i have done different but even though i apologize to both for what ive done,they never to me,one minute they forgive the next minute they dont,your right if its shallow it wont work,im feeling a little better but im trying to move forward.thanks blessings to u.hugs:-)

      • my betrayal has been 1.5 years ago and i cannot get past it. i obsess constantly. he is living high and mighty… i just don’t know how to move forward.

    • My best friend betrayed me, I felt hurt because it came from her and not about the things she said.
      I am trying to move on but my whole class hates me
      Gabriellé Le Roux i hope you feel better now you betrayer
      :-( I shared this story because i was tired of always being the victim here,everyone has a breaking point to reach

  • Dealing with infidelity with my husband who remainded friends with the woman he had an affair with will try this method as i find myself angry everyday because i chose to stay. Hope it helps.

  • Thanks so much! it helped my friend like it can’t be expressed in words~! thank you for the advice. it was her exact situation.

  • Thank you all for your responses. Betrayal can be extremely difficult to deal with, but try to remember, it’s not about you or anything you have done. People betray others for a myriad of reasons, and sometimes they don’t even know why they did it themselves. Give yourself time to heal, and move on.

  • Like the saying goes” the biggest betrayers are family members”! My 56 year old sister became friends with my ex wife who abducted by six week old son! I was falsely arrested in Georgia when my ex wife lied. After an investigation that lasted one year I received a record expungement. After fighting for my rights as a father for five years, I still can’t see my son. My son was in NYC and my sister took care of my son. My brother and his wife knew this and they remained silenced and didnt bother to call me! I cut all ties with my family after this betrayal.

    • I came here reading after feeling betrayed by a friend who i felt used me to build his business and has now outcast-ed me, I although I should admit i have made some mistakes as well, but reading your story made me feel, what I am feeling is nothing compared to yours..good luck friend..hope everything turns out right for you…

  • Never went through this in 37 years of me life but ome thing I I learned that it comes from the closest one you ever expected. didn’t see it coming what whatsoever but learned a lot. Forgiving is not forgetting

  • I was deeply betrayed by my big brother and sister in so many they say you forgive but don’t forget I let my guard down on many occasions only to be used and betrayed once more.i have learned to keep my distance and live my life to the full.

  • I was blindsided by a close family member. I am 59 years old. The betrayal was brutal. Accepting that a person you love and cared for could turn on you is something I never imagined. After a year I am still struggling but dealing with it through therapy. Our entire family was shattered and is still broken. There is nothing we can do for this person. It is like dealing with a death of a loved one. I have hope that life will get better.

    • My older sister also betrayed me. My entire family refuses to believe. She began the betrayal by telling everyone I was crazy and jealous. Therefore now my family believes her. I know the truth will come out. But meanwhile our family is broken and I am the ‘crazy one’? The frustration is terrible and the loss of my closest confidants has been taken away from me. It’s been almost a year since I found out and now all I can think of is how I could have gotten proof….but I couldn’t believe it myself and kept telling myself ‘my sister would never do that’.
      Now I am truly crazy.

  • thanx. that helps. my brother in law’s girlfriend robbed me, lied about it and got aught. still hasn’t repaid me and probably never will we were developing a friendship and I trusted her. not sure how to act around her now. thee family all know and seem to want to just sweep it under te rug. no one is standing up for me and I feel hurt and rejected. only a $600 jacket so not really the end of the world but considering how broke we are I just can not understand it. hard to imagine her being jealous of me.

    • There are other things that people can be jealous of besides money. She may be jealous of your life style ,your relationship with your significant other. You did say your brother in law girlfriend. She is a girlfriend and you are a may be broke, but your happy and she may not be happy.These are just some examples of other things that she may be jealous about.

  • I was betrayed years ago by my 3 sisters and have been looking after our parents for 8 years with no gratitude from them. Then Dad thought i wasn’t going to look after Mum (stroke victim) for 1 night so he could go to football with youngest daughter. Now he has betrayed me. He threatened to kill me now they are all taking me to court. I have lived with and taken care Of him and my mother all these years where other daughters have done nothing. The hurt just dosnt fade as I have a court case to contend with on my own and no family left.

  • Wow, that sounds similar. Family betrayed my wife and I as well, even though we did all the work. Now the parent is leaving us in the dust with mass amount of debt. I trusted that parent so much, never did I even imagine this could happen. I feel for you. At the end of the day, it is what it is and people are who they are. Some people are born to cause chaos. As I was dealing with this I had to repeatedly go to the Bible for some advice. Love your enemies, do good to them. In the last days love will grow cold and family will betray each other. One thing is, do not allow your heart to grow cold and bitter. I will continue to trust other people and do good to them, even if more people betray me. I will not die a bitter old man. Keep the love going, don’t grow cold. Do not grow weary in well doing, the Lord himself shall reward you. God bless.
    Great article! Thank you Eleanor Goold.

  • I have been betrayed by my husband, he didn’t cheat but trust me, just as bad. I am still in a state of shock. Its been 4 days and I am just so hurt, I am looking anywhere for some insight,something, I dont know. But, I really appreciated the article I just read, posted above. It has helped. Thanks!

  • Forgiveness cuts the demon and if they still love sin I wouldn’t want to be them Jesus himself said wo unto him that (would betray the son of man) though he is the son of God ,he said son of man he was standing in my place

  • I went through betrayal recently with a friend I had known for 8 years (well) and a man I was dating for a couple of years. I’m in my late 40’s. I had told my friend much about the relationship with this guy, so she knew how I felt about him. They ended up seeing each other (she is married also) and lied to my face about the whole ordeal. (It really happened) I was starting to not trust her within the year or so earlier because of some other things. Anyway….it brought me down to my knees and I relied on the Bible and a couple of people who could guide me through this situation, along with a couple of good, trusted friends. You can’t talk with man people about this type of stuff.. It’s too hard to grasp. Thank heavens..the passing of time helps somewhat. Both of the people who I relied on for support after this, told me to bless the betrayers. I try to do that and know it’s the right thing..but it’s tough. I still think about it.

  • I’m extremely hurt and disappointed in the woman I loved and supported in so many ways (time, money, love, support). She is a recovering addict that I stuck by through the tough times. I’m not a drug user. I found out she had been cheating on me for a few years . It is over and she has moved on with her new lover and I’m stuck dealing with the hurt while she is happily moving on . 9 years of my life I committed to this person. Took care of her when sick, and operations brought her flowers, groceries, etc that a loving person would do. It’s been nearly a month and I’m still hurting and crying with anxiety. Why I’m I the last person to know. Why the secrets ,lies,deceptions. So sad

  • This article as well as your experiences are a Godsend. I JUST went through this nightmarish ordeal at a wedding last weekend that was supposed to be a family vacation as well as a blast. Ended up being left out and ignored the whole time and was criticized and insulted by my own brother and his beast of a wife. My parents who I have done everything for did not even bother and actually helped make the situation even more devastating. I was outnumbered, dumbfounded and confused. I didn’t even understand what I had done to merit such blasphemy. I am obsessing over it all while the rest of my hideous family talk about how great a time they had. What a bunch of heathens.

  • I recently found out (from my stepdad) that my sister has been accusing me of stealing, so whilst I went to visit my family she stole my house key out of my work bag and went in to my home the next day to look through my belongings for “evidence”, obviously she didn’t find anything as I am not a theif but I feel as though I can’t confront her about this without getting my stepdad in to trouble. I feel really betrayed and violated to think that whilst I was out she was going through my belongings trying to make out I’m a terrible person. Especially as within this last year I helped her get over a really nasty break up, move house, wrote her a CV and even managed to get her a job! It’s really upset me and it’s affecting my day to day life and work. Is there any advice?

  • Yup, stand by your girl friend through her divorce, keep her afloat when confronted with tremendous loss and family hurts, support her in the face of illness or threats to security, only to experience a door slamming in my face when things got tough on my end–adding backhanded accusations to conversations among mutual colleagues and even going so far to suggest drug addiction, from calls when I was hurting, crying, sobbing about my broken marriage. I shudda known that her flippant backstabbing of friends she knew for decades was a sign for me to run! If only they knew…the times she shot them in the back! Bang!

  • Thank you for this post! It’s really helpful when dealing with betrayal. For me it is something recent but your advice was the first step to recovery. Thank you so much!

  • Come to some sort of understanding? I will NEVER understand why my happy husband of 10 years decided to have an affair with a 300lb, old girlfriend with a colostomy bag! We had no problems…NONE…before he made a choice to be sneaky and lie to me for 15 months. He says he just wanted to see what she’d say if he asked her for sex. Now I find out this is the same woman he cheated on his first wife with 37 years ago! All along he was bashing her to my face, but telling her he loved her behind my back. To my face, she was pretending to be my friend while behind my back she was looking at the pictures of his penis he was sending her. How can I forgive that?

    • I know you felt hurt, but your husband feels he can do these things to you and get away with it. If not the 300lb woman, any woman would do for a cheater. The question is how can you forgive him? I am a firm believer if a man really cares he won’t hurt you and no woman could come between you.Love yourself more than anyone else!

  • My best friend was the reason why I had to break up. He did something that hurt me. He told me over the phone what happen. But I can’t take things like that to me. I want some support. But I don’t know how I can get it. Well I got to go now. Try to sleep a long night

  • I will never forgive my sisters. They are pure evil and have done so many things. Forgive for one thing but how do you forgive for so many things?
    I have decided to remove these toxic people from my life and I even live with one. They like to manipulate me but it has become harder to do since I walk right past her like as if she is not there.
    I have tried to speak to her and explain how she has hurt me and all she does is run to the other sister so they can have a good laugh…..
    In my heart they are dead to me. That is the best way to handle this for me.
    When I read to forgive, I fine that so hard to do because they just turn around and do it again. They walk all over my bountries and do not show me any respect. So the only way to heal myself is to ignore them and to have a funeral in my heart for them. I refuse to deal with the fake performing act that they like to show others. It is truly disgusting….
    Thanks for the article but the forgiveness part I just cannot do.

  • I was back stabbed by the majority of my friends at the same time and I find myself kind of angry at them even when they re kind because the caused me a lot of trust issues as well as humiliated my in front of other people including my crushes. They also used me and talked about my sister whom is a lesbian. They pointed out my imperfections and tried to discourage me . I walked away from the friendships. And let them go and also forgave. Wasn’t easy but i used the pain the push me to the greatness I will achieve in my lifetime. WORD OF ADVICE. YOU CAN’T REACH YOUR GOAL BY STAYING IN THE PAST. DO NOT LET A NY ONE STAND IN BETWEEN YOUR GOD GIVEN PEACE.

  • A traitor is a weak person. And I must disagree with the forgiveness point, because if we allow these types of behaviors to fester & grow.. Then we haven’t solved the core issue at hand, and people will simply continue to betray, because they are weaker. People betray because they know they can, or because they know the consequences won’t be harsh (you are too kind!). Friendship, matrimony, and any type of relationship should have some sort of dictatorship when it comes to right and wrong. I hate to break it to you, but forgiveness is seen as weakness in this time & age, but that isn’t necessarily the case here. When one gives, helps, and provides endlessly for a person and the other simply betrays him, and sometimes repeatedly, then one must simply deal with it and be very firm (ultimatums are a must!). In some cases one must be very objective and look at the situation at hand, as some people are very emotional and react to certain small issues with big emotions. The main thing is to NEVER react with a response at the moment of discover, you have to sit back, relax, write down how you feel, what happened and how you intend to solve it. I like to rate the issue/betrayal/event from 1-10, 10 being the most severe and asses my reaction.
    I hope that helped!

  • I find myself continually being betrayed by girlfriends. At first I would confront the betrayal and it ended up in a fight every time with no resolution and an end to the friendship. They have continually tried to contact me after, but with no apology. I then decided to handle the next few betrayals differently, by just “quietly” distancing myself and ending the friendships. I often wonder if I have handled these right and sad that many friendships have ended but I can only remind myself of the betrayal and why I walked away. Either way, I still very hurt and never have much time to heal with it continuing to happen.

  • Being betrayed by family is the worst. Its worse when deep down you always knew they would, but always held on to the family ideal about loyalty, etc. No wonder I hated Christmas and my birthdays. At least now I know for certain and can stop being so emotionally invested. All those stupid things I’ve hung onto can now go in the bin. It truly is a heart breaking travesty, but also a relief. And your no longer lying to yourself. The envy? I will simply never – ever – understand it. I’m nothing to brag about and a very modest person. Yet one sibling in particular drips with envy at any suggestion of success. Even the sort that he benefits from. The only person who truly loved me like family was my sister who filled my heart with love from the day I was born to the day she died of cancer. God bless her soul. Her passing and the subsequent family betrayal has made me feel terribly sad and alone in the world. Friends just aren’t the same.

    • Thanks for posting this. After my mom´ s death I thought my family would call me for Christmas since this was the first Christmas without her. No one called. We live two continents apart but everytime i went to see them i took all the things they gave me, a list of medicines or merchandise and I never charged because I am kind and they were my family. I was expecting at least a card, a Xmas card, a snail letter, a call. No one, not even my brother called. My mom kept all the family together and when she died 5 months ago I was with her. It was a surprise but I am glad I was there. I am suffering a lot, I miss her. But this, what my family has done to me, it is a horrible betrayal. They don´t want me to go back. And they are silent. Now when I needed them the most, they have done this to me. So I don´t have a family anymore. I am all alone in the world. There are two losses. Lost my mom and lost my family. It is very hard to deal with this. I didn´t do anything wrong to them. so, why_ If someone knows the why….please reply to this.

  • Thank you for helping me understand and move on. I had a friend and who was my boss for 7 years at a previous job. She supported me with everything, even when I was searching for another job. She was truly happy for me when I found a new job. She was always there for me so I referred her to my new job. She expressed how my new job really loves me and they can’t stop talking about me when they interviewed her. My new job asked me about my previous boss and I praised her even when they saw her weaknesses; I made sure I never said anything that would hurt her chances. She was hired on my new place as my boss. They asked my opinion before they made that decision. I was totally happy because we worked well together.

    Then…I saw her for who she really was. The following sums up my situation in a nutshell “Betrayal is an unfortunate characteristic of human nature and even your closest friends can be quick to betray you if aroused by envy. Sometimes we can be betrayed by those who we think should be showing us gratitude for all the help with have provided them in the past.
    But this can be a dangerous assumption to make…In the words of Martin Luther King; ’There comes a time when silence is betrayal’. ” I started finding out information from other people and when I confronted her, the excuses didn’t add up. I have to continue to work with her because she is my boss still. My good deed turned into a big mistake that is a good life lesson. Thank you again for the great article.

  • I really enjoyed your blog on what to do when you feel betrayed and I can relate to it, because where I live in a Nursing Home, there is a person who is nice, but behind your back, she betrays you, I don’t like her. Have you got any free newsletters on this problems, please. Thankyou. Silvana.

  • My wife admittedly kissed an old boyfriend on the mouth. She won’t say open or closed mouthed. Supposedly she was there to just talk with him. I believe she was deceiving herself. She once loved him very deeply.but they were never intimate. He was married. He is now single so I don’t trust her motives. I am really feeling betrayed even though she could have easily lied sbout it. Of course maybe she is. Maybe it went further.

  • This article hit the spot. I have been betrayed so many times by colleagues that I almost expect it. When you come across someone that stands by you and will help you as much as they can you realise there is truly good and bad in this world.

  • I think, why should I forgive the monsters in my life? It will never happen! I’m 72. lol

  • Me: Please don’t say crude things in front of Grandma. She will think you are scum, and question my judgement.
    Him: (in front of grandma) This jacket fits as tight as a condom! (Glances at Grandma to see expression on face)
    Me:(hissing) What is WRONG with you? Now she will call me, and campaign against you!
    Him: (gas lighting) No, no…she understands that it’s just how I am. (Completely fabricated) You just imagined her disapproval. (Not)

    Now I am furious, betrayed, minimized, embarrassed, defied, challenged and bewildered…WTF? Who does that? WHY?

  • Great Advice. Very positive. I was so willing to work things through with my wife, but in the end she wouldn’t give up her affair partner. It was really hard as I was working and doing double duty during the time her mother was ill. In the end I guess she really wasn’t always caring for her mother. Feel used, devalued, betrayed a total chump.

  • i am betrayed by people I treated right. One person would paint me black and the rest would get easily swayed. I realized that it is true that we can never underestimate a large group of stupid people, because in that group are people filled with envy, or probably miserable people who needed an outlet to make themselves feel better. so someone stars a rumor and everyone believes it. i was hurt not by my enemy but the people i treated right. but lessons learned. even if you think they are wrong, better ignore it. because fools will only listen to you to respond. mybe react once or twice to clear your name then thats it. deal with it with integrity, dont stoop down to their level, they will never understand their mistake, because they only listen to respond. 2nd lesson I learned, not everyone you think is your friend will treat you right. betrayal by friends hurt the most.

  • What should I do when the betrayal is too much for me heart to bear and I am falling sick because of the pain I feel in my heart?

  • My two brothers, my parents and I have been betrayed by 4 of my mother’s ststers. They knew one of my brothers, their nephew was commiting a crime and we didn’t know it but they didn’t say anything to their sister. They all talked about it amongst themselves but they never talked to him like an aunt should. They never said anything to me or my parents and when my brother got caught and faced incarceration, we were devastated. My brother deserved to pay for his crime, we all agree on that and he did serve his time, but my mothers sisters failed as aunts and as sisters. I don’t want aunts like that. They have hurt me to the core. I don’t even look their way.

  • Honest to God, I feel like I needed to see this. Reading this made me feel a whole lot better. Now I know better.. Thank you Mrs Goold. Talk about being a fairy Godmother.

  • I keep on getting betrayed. They see it as a way to embarrass me and point out my mistakes. People in this economy are harsh and do not see the value in others. They see it as a way to get ahead. You just have to do your best to watch out for those people. I am so angry that they get ahead.

  • Thanks for the advice! I have always had a close relationship with my brother and just found out he betrayed me. I’m hurt more than anything else. Now I just don’t know what to do. I’m seriously considering professional counseling at this point. The advice in this article gave me hope though so thank you for that!

  • There are popular philosophies which are completely opposite by nature …. but which are equally true depending on the people it relates to. For example: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” — AND — “Out of sight, out of mind”. By this same token …. your advice in this article might feel right to some …. and not so to others. My own approach to DEEP betrayal is best summed up by the adage: “Don’t get mad — Get EVEN.” Just because the betrayer is no longer a child age-wise …. doesn’t mean that they are above being taught a lesson for their bad behavior. I personally derive MUCH satisfaction from teaching someone to think TWICE by considering the possible adverse consequences to oneself before ever AGAIN betraying another individual that has generously been a wonderful friend. Good friends are very difficult to come by …. and if someone doesn’t appreciate that …. then I HELP them to come to understand that in a way that is not soon forgotten! Just sayin’ ……..

  • I’m not a young chicken, but this article helped me very much to with coming to terms to being unexpectedly back stabbed, out of the blue. Thank you for the support – so well done. I don’t need a shrink!

  • my best friend betrayed me like nobody hell I show her I take her as my sister but she betrayed me and she is continuing with the relationship with the people she betrayed me with them .don’t trust a best friend because she will betrayed you like nobody hell now I don’t think I can continue with a relationship with her ,.brother and sister friend and love all are death sometimes you have a friend you are preparing your funeral even on love its the same so what out to a friend if you want to live long.

  • You teach people how to treat you.set boundaries an lines that can’t be crossed and stick by them.forgiveness is good,but doesn’t mean you rinse an repeat like your fav.shampoo.

  • My sister Carrie is about to have a baby with my abusive ex/babies daddy who has abused her multiple times in the last year. They both denied it and lied to me about their relationship…. he even tried to get back with me when they started sleeping together! In November I was promted to help her when he tried to run her over with his truck and threw her stomach into his truck, 7 months pregnant. I let her stay with me and helped her move out of their place in Ogden, I bought her over $400 of things for the baby so she felt more prepared (my mom reimbursed $150), and got to her doctors appointments… after a month it was clear she was far from done and in the thick of some psychological abuse, and in turn was abusive towards me, after the 3td time I told her she couldn’t stay with me and arranged with my mom for her to stay with her. We had a Christmas miracle and actually had a good family Christmas… well minus my brother Cody, who doesn’t speak to any of us. She was claiming the whole time that she wasn’t going to involve him with the baby, and that she was gong to move after baby was born… Then once again I find she is lying to me… she is back with him and she never had any intentions of not having him involved. I am beside myself. Less than a week back together, and the day before her due date, she texts me that he’s been physicality abusive to her and she’s locked herself into a public bathroom… he apparently goes to jail that night for a DUI. Less than 3 days later… she is back with him! I understand she is about to have his baby… what confuses me is he has NEVER paid child support for our 2 kids and has done nothing but damage them emotionally when he does have them… I don’t see how she doesn’t see that… This is painful because she knew what I went through with him and its easy to see she had/has no loyalty to me. This effects our whole family and my instinct is to walk away from everyone that supports her…Thoughts…? Advice…?

  • I am trying to cope with my ex-best friend of 20 years who has betrayed me again, yes again. I realized that she had this hold over me and I was never allowed to have any other friends except her. She has done some abusive things to me over the years and after starting a family of my own; I decided to set boundaries. The second part of this story is that my narcissistic brother who had the chance to be friends with her for the past 20 years, is now hanging out with her and going on vacations with her and her husband and her family. They would always talk about each other and now they are the best of friends. I feel betrayed by them and their spouses. Sad thing is, I don’t want my children around my toxic brother and his partner as long as they are friends with her. Not sure what to do or how to cope. It hurts every day.

  • I have been betrayed and search through different websites in order to find help, but all I found seemed to be advantageous for “traitors” and patronising to “victims”: it is the victim who had to – literally – “not retaliate”, “not to dwell”, “learn”, “”forgive”, and move on (“does not have to be the end”). I wonder why?

  • I will comment from an older perspective and some adult psychology. When betrayal happens within the 35 and older crowd, it doesn’t so much hurt as it downright stinks. Some are just immature and will never grow up; still getting their kicks from what they call playful insults or humiliations. Others become passive aggressive then blow up in your face or via text or messaging, becoming Jekyll Hyde, because they aren’t man or woman enough to face you and discuss what’s going on or what’s bothering them. You try to be empathetic, but there are boundaries, and some betrayals, there’s just no coming back from, or reversing. The damage is done, and you can only step away and move forward from it.

  • Confrontation and dealing with it will be such a waste of time and energy. It will sometimes make thing even worst. And obviously betrayal is such an acceptable behaviour against any being. Might as well to brush it under the carpet and move on.