At almost any workplace you find yourself at within the span of your career, you will end up feeling attraction to someone there.
Whether it be someone in the same department, someone who works somewhere else in your office building, or even your own boss; attraction at the workplace is perfectly normal for all professions. In fact, it’s virtually unavoidable unless you start working from home.
Thinking someone is cute around the office is totally harmless, but what should you do if you have an all out crush on them? What if when they are in the room you can barely focus on anything else?
If this is happening to you then you definitely have a problem on your hands. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a solution. There is a solid move you can make to either get him or get him off your mind and allow yourself to stop focusing so much on him.
And if you go about it the right way, things will not be awkward around the workplace. The last thing you want is a clammy, uncomfortable situation every day from then on, so proceed very carefully. Let’s take a look at the best way to make a move without making things too weird.
How to Approach Your Crush at Work
The best way to go about it is to let them know that you are interested in seeing them outside of work by straight up asking them to meet (with other coworkers there helps to give you an alibi in case your move falls flat).
BUT, you have to be extremely careful about what you say, and you need to take another step after that regardless of what he says to find out how he actually feels about it.
Invite Him to Meet You and Other Coworkers First
This is a harmless way to prod him a bit and see, #1, how he responds to your invitation in terms of body language, the tone of voice, and what he says, and #2, whether he actually shows up if he agrees.
He Doesn’t Seem to Be that Interested Though. What if He Says No?
As a man, he might not even realize that he is attracted to you until you let him know that you are interested in him. As the saying goes, interested is interesting, and if he has no idea that you like him yet, he may not even have seriously considered it.
Being in a professional environment makes many people view those around them strictly as colleagues. This can all change though if you break through the ice and let him know you’re interested in being friends (it’s better to start from there considering the circumstances) and meeting outside of work.
Follow Up Conversation
Now that you asked him, it’s time to have another quick chat with him about something non-work related, such as hobbies, personal life, etc. After he’s had a day or even a few days to consider your invitation (even if he declined), try testing out some friendly conversation.
Be very careful not to seem desperate or pushy in any way. Approaching him twice is fine as long as it feels casual both times and not like some sort of attempt or ploy.
The follow-up conversation is very important and must not be skipped. Here are two possible scenarios that demonstrate why:
a) His first reaction was flat because he didn’t have time to think about it yet
b) His first reaction was to say yes and be nice but hasn’t had time to think twice about whether he should meet up with you or not outside of work
No matter what his first reaction is, you ought to give him a chance to communicate to you, either directly or through his attitude and body language, whether or not he is interested in meeting you outside of work.
What if He Still Isn’t Interested?
If he completely doesn’t want to, then take this one on the chin and start training yourself to stop liking him so much. Remind yourself that something between you two will never happen and is unrealistic.
Don’t look at him unless he is speaking to you and try your hardest to view him as a colleague or associate and nothing more. You did what you could and now it’s time to move past thoughts of wanting to be with him and focus on your work. Just block him out to the best of your abilities.
Is it a Bad Idea to Ask Out a Coworker?
Yes and no, because it depends on what kind of guy he is. If it will likely be a quick fling, the entire office will be talking about it so you might end up embarrassed.
If you think you two might be compatible with something very long term, then it’s totally worth giving it a good effort. If you think there’s any chance that he could be the one for you, don’t let the opportunity pass you by.
What if I Have a Crush on My Boss?
If you have a crush on the boss of your department or even of all departments, as long as he is single, it’s still okay to proceed more or less the same way as you would with a co-worker.
You can invite him to meet you and some other coworkers to join some kind of activity; a dinner, some kind of an event, or maybe even a beer or cocktail. But you should emphasize the destination rather than the activity if you have drinks planned.
Instead of saying, “Me and so and so are going to have drinks at xx restaurant,” say something like, “Me and so and so are going to meet at xx restaurant at x time. Would you like to join us?”
If He Says He Can’t, Should I Press Further?
If he declines with an excuse that is something that could easily be postponed, it’s okay to ask him to loosen up and insist he joins you, in your own words. If he still says no to that, the follow-up conversation is pretty much a make or break. If he still doesn’t show any significant signals of interest after a follow-up, abandon ship.
What Will People Think of Me If They Find Out I Have a Crush on My Boss?
You might want to keep this one a secret until further notice. By might I mean definitely. It’s better not to discuss it with anyone who you know could spread rumors. And be careful not to make it obvious to others that you are interested in him otherwise watercooler talk might be about you.
What Will People Think of Me If They Find Out that I’m Dating My Boss?
People will inevitably find out, but not straight away. As your boss will probably insist on, it’s best to keep it a secret until things get serious. When word gets out, it will be the talk of the office for quite some time either way, but at least if you stay together you spare yourself the worst of the potential scrutiny.
Having a crush on a coworker is a tricky thing to deal with, but it’s not something that’s completely out of your control. If you have an intense attraction to them but can’t seem to catch their interest, don’t worry.
You do not need to change jobs, and you do not need to dread going to work each day out of shame or embarrassment. Eventually, your burning desire for that person will diminish, and you will be able to get back to your normal routine virtually unphased by the situation.