Love

How To Deal With Your Boyfriend Cheating On You

Finding out your boyfriend has cheated on you is one of the worst things you could ever experience. There are no ways to make it any less painful but there are effective ways for dealing with it.

It’s an absolutely devastating thing to have to go through but, unfortunately, many of us will experience the heartbreak of finding out that your partner has cheated.

Maybe you’ve had your suspicions for a while now because you’ve noticed some of these signs, or maybe you were blissfully unaware until you found some incriminating evidence that you never wanted to stumble upon.

Maybe someone else saw something and thought it was only right that you should know. However you found out about your boyfriend’s infidelity doesn’t matter, but how you react to it does.

Chances are you’ll feel uncontrollable sadness to start with but, over time that might turn to anger and thoughts of revenge (but that’s almost never a good idea).

Here are some tips on how to cope with your boyfriend’s infidelity in better ways.

1. Let yourself cry

Woman sitting on windowsill and crying

There’s no denying that finding out someone has cheated on you is overwhelmingly upsetting. Before you’ve had a proper chance to process the revelation there are all sorts of feelings and thoughts running around in your head; did he ever love me? Is it my fault? Am I not good enough? Is he anything like the person I thought he was?

At this stage it’s okay to cry if you feel like that’s what you need to do. No matter how you end up feeling about your boyfriend in the future, or how you decide to deal with his infidelity, it’s a devastatingly upsetting thing to find out.

2. Surround yourself with some good people

Grab your best friends and surround yourself with them for a while. Not only will you get to have a good girls’ night with your besties, either at a bar, or in your house with a good movie and a mountain of good food, but it’ll also give you something else to focus on.

If you spend too much time focusing on the infidelity you’ll end up becoming angrier, upset, or even obsessed with thinking about it, which is not good for your mental wellbeing.

Putting your health in jeopardy because of someone who apparently didn’t think that much of you when they were cheating is never a good idea, trust me.

3. Resist looking for the other woman on social media (if it’s someone you don’t know)

Sad woman with her computer

It’s so tempting, I know, but don’t go scrolling through Facebook looking for her. What will you do when you find her profile? Chances are you’ll scroll all the way back through her photos comparing yourself to her, finding all the good things about her that you don’t think you have.

If you don’t do that you’ll probably go the other way and pick out all her faults and flaws, no matter how tiny, and wonder why an earth he wanted her over you. Neither of these things are good things to do as they both make you feel awful about yourself.

It might seem like a good idea at the time, and you might want to see what she looks like just to get a sense of why he did it, but don’t. Put the phone down, close your laptop, switch off that iPad and you’ll feel better for it in the long run.

4. Try not to blame yourself

Again, this one is easier said than done, but try not to blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity. When you first experience a cheater it can be difficult to work out why they’ve done it so, more often than not, people settle on the reason being their fault.

For many people, this is the easiest explanation to understand. It’s important to remember, though, that someone cheating on you is almost never you’re fault. A lot of cheater’s are insecure in themselves so go looking for extra validation, or they’re too much of a coward to tell you that they think the relationship has run its course.

Sometimes people are just the worst and this is the only reason why they did it. There are multiple reasons why someone cheats, none of which are you.

5. Don’t set out for revenge

partners hugging in bed

By all means joke about wanting to slash his tyres with your best girl-friends but for the love of god don’t actually do it! There’s far more at stake for you than him if you do this as you’re the one who is going to get into trouble, not him.

In the eyes of the law he’s done nothing wrong but by damaging his property (or him) you’re doing something illegal. They don’t care that you’ve just been spurned! Is risking going to jail because of a cheating boyfriend worth it? No is the answer I hope you just gave to this question!

Even if you’re not planning on doing something illegal as a form of revenge, don’t do it. Be the bigger person and one day you’ll be able to look back on how you handled this with pride.

6. Decide whether you want him gone or if you’re going to forgive

A lot of people have the mind-set that they would never forgive and take back a cheating partner. A lot of people have the mind-set that they would take a cheater back under ‘the right circumstances.’ A lot of people have gone their whole lives thinking that they would never take a cheating partner back only to do just that when it actually happens to them. There is no right or wrong mind-set to have here, it’s all about individual circumstance and experience.

A good thing to note here is also everyone has different thoughts and opinions about this type of situation. If you think you need advice then by all means listen to what other people would do, but ultimately it’s your decision.

Don’t end your relationship if you don’t want to just because everyone around you says they have no respect for women who take their cheating boyfriends back. Don’t stay with your boyfriend if you don’t want to just because that’s what everyone around you has done in the past.

When deciding whether to take him back or ditch him there’s a lot to consider. If you took him back could you forget about the cheating and move on or would you constantly be thinking he’s doing it again whenever he’s out?

If it’s the latter the best thing to do might be do end it, even if you still love him (if this is what you decide, here are some tips for how to break up with someone you love). If you think you could forget and you believe he’s sorry and you still want him in your life, then that’s up to you!

I know you probably don’t want to hear this but you also have to be aware that he might not want to carry on the relationship. If he’s cheated there’s a chance it’s because he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you or he wants to be with the other person instead.

Like I said at the beginning, finding out your boyfriend has cheated on you is one of the most devastating things to ever have to experience. It’s made a little easier, however, if you know the best and most effective way to cope with it. Cry if you need to, surround yourself with some good people, don’t blame yourself, and don’t set out for revenge.

Has anyone got any more helpful tips for coping with infidelity? Let us know in the comments!

About the author

Emily W

I’m a soon-to-be psychology graduate who’s trying to avoid adulthood at all costs. I spent a summer working and travelling around America, and came home to the UK with a serious case of wanderlust and a bagel addiction. When I’m not writing articles I can be found blogging, planning my next adventure, or reading delicious vegetarian recipes.

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