After a breakup, it’s absolutely normal that you don’t talk for a while with your ex-boyfriend, especially if you ended on bad terms. And even when you start talking to each other again, it’s usually via text messages.
We understand it, you are probably feeling a bit nervous and you are not really sure what to say – whether it started because of a „Happy Birthday” message or a simple „Hey”, there a few rules that will help you succeed and get his attention again. Here’s how to text your ex-boyfriend and work things out!
Finding the opportunity to reach out
If you are still thinking about when or how to start talking to him, consider a few aspects before writing the very first text message. How and when your relationship ended is very important.
If it ended on good terms and you decided that you will try and stay friends, a simple how are you doing can work.
In other cases, you might want to wait until a special occasion and start with a simple wish, which can also be the perfect start for a conversation, as it brings up various relevant topics you can ask him about.
Be kind, but don’t scare him away
Once you started talking, it’s all about how you communicate and present yourself. Since you are talking online, you can’t see his expressions, which makes things a bit more twisted, but staying consistently kind is a perfect first step.
Make the conversation lighthearted, positive and fun, especially for the first few texts, and try to find the balance between sounding interested and way too desperate.
You don’t have to hide that you still care about him (as it will also encourage him if he’s interested too), but don’t scare him away with still being too attached to him.
Let him tell you about how he has been and what he’s up to at the moment.
This will help you in deciding if you’d truly like to start over with him again – and if you feel like you both changed too much, don’t try to convince yourself that it can still work or force it to move forward.
Say goodbye to the drama
You might be still angry or hurt over your breakup, and that is perfectly normal. But there is no point in discussing any of this via text, especially if you are planning to get him back and start over again.
We’ve all been close to sending a whole angry novel via text to our ex while feeling like our head could explode, but leaving angry or hurt messages won’t help your case.
Even if you disagree with him on the main reasons for the breakup, try to stay calm and offer him to discuss things in person, which will give you both the opportunity to tell your side of the story and understand each other better.
Show him that you are trying to move on
When he asks about you, try to bring up other aspects of your life as well besides missing him. Talk about the university, your job, a recent travel, or anything relevant that made you feel joy.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you’ll have to sell him an illusion of a perfect life, but stay honest and positive.
Talking about how your life has been moving forward will show him that you can be strong and independent, and you do not desperately need him in your life, but would still like to give this relationship a second chance.
How to text your ex boyfriend and manage to stay positive
I know, this is probably one of the hardest parts. Your heart is broken and you are not exactly sure what to do with this whole situation, but try to stay positive instead of being too dramatic or trying to beg him and convince him.
Giving him a chance to think things through for a few days and meet you in person instead of forcing him to make a decision right away or making him feel guilty will help your case a lot.
Be conscious about what happened
Acting like the breakup never happened might sound as an easy choice (and trust me, you wouldn’t be the only one who tries to solve her problems by simply ignoring them), but it won’t play out very well in the end.
It is important that you are both aware of the reasons of why your relationship ended and that you can talk about it and possible changes in the future.
Make him remember why he was dating you
Once he sees the person he fell in love with in the beginning, there is a good chance that you are getting him back.
Of course, the circumstances are not the same: you are both a bit emotionally messed up, but we can’t stress enough the importance to stay positive and honest.
Showing him your personality will make him miss you more easily than any tricks.
Bringing up distant memories
Talking about something mutual, even if it’s a silly little memory or saying you had will help the conversation and make both of you feel more comfortable.
It is also a great way to break the awkwardness of the even if the first few texts. Make sure the memory you bring up is related to the conversation, otherwise, it can easily seem to be forced.
Keep him waiting
When you answer him is an important part as well: don’t always answer right away, and if the conversation ended, wait for him to write to you again.
If he is really interested and feels the same way as you do, he will message you.
How this whole thing will work out depends on so much stuff and you can’t be in control of everything – if he says no and you are not going to get a second chance, don’t break or get caught up in it too much.
We have all experienced how going through a breakup is crazy difficult, but it’s important that you accept the outcome, even if it’s bad news.