In Bed

5 Tips to Overcome Your Shyness in Bed

Does the thought of talking about… er… um… you know… ”doing the deed” scare the daylights out of you? Do you dream of being like a panther in the bedroom, aggressive and animalistic, but you’re more of a kitten- timid and shy? Here are some tips to help you overcome your shyness in bed.

Although the bedroom is the one place you share with someone you should feel completely at ease with, for many women it’s the room in the house that causes the most stress and anxiety. When you’re naked, literally and figuratively, you’re exposed and vulnerable. There’s nothing to hide behind, which can cause uneasiness and discomfort.

Causes of Bedroom Shyness

Causes of Bedroom Shyness 2

What makes the topic of sex so daunting? The reasons are different for every woman, but here are the three of the top:

Low self-esteem. If you don’t think highly of yourself when you’re completely covered up, you aren’t going to feel any better when your flaws are there for the whole world to see. Okay, maybe not the whole world, but you get the gist. It’s hard to act like a ‘10’, when you feel like a ‘2’.

Lack of experience. Any time you’re on unfamiliar ground, it may cause you to be more of an observer than a player. If you haven’t had a lot of experience, how are you to know what to do to please him? And, if your guy has a more extensive sexual history, it may add to your anxiety because you are afraid of how you’ll compare to his past partners.

Not-so-great past experiences. Maybe you had a past encounter with someone who said something degrading or humiliating and you took it to heart. Or, perhaps you tried to go outside your comfort zone once and the outcome wasn’t quite what you expected. Either way, when you feel like you’ve been burned it’s hard to get excited about putting your hand near the fire again.

No matter what your reason is for being nervous in the bedroom, the important thing to know is that you can change it. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life being afraid to say or do something just because it’s sexual in nature.

How to Unleash Your Inner Sex Goddess

As you read the tips that follow, keep an open mind and consider trying at least one, if not all of them. They’re such subtle tips, no one but you has to know that you’re using them.

Ready to unleash your inner vixen? Good. Let’s begin.

Tip #1: Think about sex all day long.

If you know you’re going to be getting physical tonight, get your mind excited by thinking about it from the minute you wake up. Imagine him in the shower with you, caressing your body with the hot soapy water. When you’re eating your lunch, imagine that he is feeding it to you, bite by bite, letting his finger linger on your lower lip.

If you spend the entire day thinking seductive, hot and sexy thoughts about you and your man, you’ll be so ready for him when he gets home that you’ll forget you were ever shy.

Tip #2: Make sure you’re in comfortable surroundings.

If you don’t feel safe and secure when you’re intimate, it can be hard to take a step outside the box and embrace your sexuality by saying or doing things you wouldn’t normally do. You need to be content and relaxed in your environment.

Maybe that means that you spend more time at your place than his if that’s where you’re more at ease. Or, if you live together, make the bedroom as inviting as possible so that you feel comfortable being yourself in it.

Tip #3: Let go of your not-so-perfect body.

Whether you have a few more pounds than you’d like or a scar or birthmark, you need to let it go. No, you’re not perfect, but here’s some news for you – neither is he.

You’re attracted to him and he’s not the icon of physical perfection, right? Then why is it so hard to believe that he can be attracted to you? There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to what body type turns people on.

Some guys prefer women who are tall, others short. While some men want their women to be skinny as rails, others want them to have some extra weight to love on. So quit comparing yourself to other women. He’s obviously attracted to you, so let go of your flaws and just enjoy his affection.

Tip #4: Focus on how it feels.

Focus on how it feels 2

If it’s the visual aspect of sex that makes you nervous, focus on your sense of touch. If you have to, either close your eyes or turn the lights off so that you don’t have to worry about what you look like.

Concentrate on how his fingers feel when they glide across your skin. Pay attention to how your body tingles when he touches certain areas of your body. Feel your excitement rise as his hot breath meets the back of your neck. You’ll be so caught up in your own body’s responses by giving a few noises of approval that there will be no doubt in his mind what turns you on without you even having to say it.

Tip #5: When you’re with him, visualize your fantasy.

Basically, you want to role play in your mind. If you’re not comfortable telling him that you’d love to wear a barely-there nurse uniform while you tend to him, your sick patient, then just pretend that you have one on and let your mind take over.

Sometimes it’s hard to say what you want so, if you can’t say it, then just think it. Your mind is powerful. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful thing. And, when you’re able to enjoy yourself fully, it’s even more amazing. It’s time to take your experiences to new levels and unleash your inner sex goddess. She’s waiting.

About the author

Christina DeBusk

Changing careers mid-life from law enforcement to writing, Christina spends her days helping others enrich their businesses and personal lives one word at a time.

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