Men are visual creatures. We women can read a romance novel, or a dirty book, and get aroused, but men want to see what’s going on, they want their voyeuristic pleasure. That’s exactly why porn is so popular.
Many women feel that porn is a way of “cheating” on their wife, but in all truth, porn is no more cheating than you and your romance novel. Porn is just a fantasy, an escape from the real world for a moment, and a stress relief for guys.
The question is, though, how much is too much porn?
I’ve known men who rarely, if ever, watch porn, and I’ve known men who watch porn every night of the week. In the same way it takes some women a night to read a novel and others a month to read the same book, porn is very individualistic. What might be normal for one man, could be a problem sign for another. The amount of porn isn’t what determines what is too much, it’s the reason behind watching porn that determines whether or not your man is watching too much.
If you want to know if your man’s pornographic pleasures could be ruining your relationship, start with these few questions and tips. You have to remember to separate YOUR feelings about porn from HIS feelings about porn.
1) Find Out Why He's Watching
As I mentioned before, most men watch porn for the fantasy and the escape of it all.
If you’ve ever watched it yourself, then you already know it's not exactly award-winning acting or writing.
He could be greatly amused by the plot (after all, I’ll watch cheesy porn for the laugh sometimes), but chances are he’s in it for the visual pleasure.
This is completely normal. If he’s watching it because your relationship is having problems in the bedroom, then that’s a different issue altogether.
2) When's The Last Time You Had Sex?
By the way, how long has it been since you and your man have had sex?
Has it been a couple of weeks? Has it been a month or longer? If your sex life has come to a screeching halt, then he’s likely watching porn to get off.
People need sex. You need sex. He needs sex. We all need sex. Sex is healthy and natural and extremely important for couples to have a healthy relationship.
If it’s been a while, then maybe the two of you should take the time to have some fun instead of just falling asleep.
3) Do You Have a Healthy Sex Life?
Having a healthy sex life isn’t the same as having sex all the time.
You can have sex all the time, but still have a terrible sex life if one of you isn’t exactly “into it.”
If you’re having sex just to go through the motions and let him get it over with, then he’s going to be just as dissatisfied as you. No man wants their woman to have unsatisfactory sex. It’s emasculating. He wants you to want him, and if you’re not showing him that you want him he’s could be throwing himself into his fantasy porn.
Are you genuinely showing your man you want him? Are you really enjoying sex and letting him know how much you enjoy it? Is he sure that he satisfies you? If he’s not satisfying you, show him how… believe me, he WANTS to please you!
4) Do You Have The Same Preferences?
Another reason men might watch more porn that seems natural is because you and he have different sexual tastes.
If you’re a romantic and prefer to be made love to, and he’s into a little more kinky, BDSM style sex, then your man might be watching porn to satisfy his own sexual preferences.
It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy sex with you, of course he does, but when someone has a sexual fetish or preference, it’s important that part of them gets satisfied as well.
For example, my ex and I never made love. He preferred just fun and energetic sex, so the casual and caring side never came through while we were in bed.
Making love is something I very much need in a relationship. It put a lot of strain on our sex life which eventually caused problems in our relationship that could easily have been resolved with a little bit of compromise.
Sexual compromise is actually the easiest compromise in a relationship. Give in to each other’s preferences from time to time.
5) What Exactly Is He Watching?
Still, your man could be watching porn because of some sexual inhibitions he’s afraid to talk to you about, or a sexual fetish he’s worried you’ll judge him for.
Remember this: Sex is natural. Fantasies and fetishes are natural, too. There’s an old Friends episode where Monica catches Chandler watching porn in his hotel room, he changes the channel quickly and she thinks he’s getting off to shark week, when in reality it was just “your average girl on girl porn.”
This is a perfect example of why you need to know what kind of porn your man is into… and maybe what element the two of you can bring into the bedroom to satisfy those needs.
6) Talk to Him About Your Concerns
Finally, it’s important to talk to your guy about his porn habit and to share your thoughts on it.
This doesn’t mean you should start criticizing him, it means you should actually talk to him.
Ask him if you can watch porn with him (he’ll probably jump on that idea!), ask if there’s something new he would like to try in the bedroom, tell him something new YOU would like to try with him! Talk about this, and see what happens.
No matter how you feel about his naughty little hobby, the truth remains: He is not cheating on you with porn.
Now you have to determine if it’s negatively affecting your sex life, or if it’s just his means of a little escape. Are you going to partake in the pleasure with him?