This is a tricky one, especially for shy girls. It's not like he can imagine how it feels for you, he doesn't have a clitoris after all. And I don't care what anyone tells you, a clit is not just a mini version of a guy's head!
I hate it when I hear my womanhood being described as an under-developed male sexual organ. Besides, every woman is different; just like every guy is different. What turns you on won't be what turns on your neighbour – and thank God! Variety is what makes us interesting and unique. Without variety, sex would be the same with everyone, there would be no surprise or challenge – boring.
I have always been a bit squeamish about the idea of masturbating in front of a guy. Perhaps I just didn't want to admit to the fact that I look like I am having a seizure when I give myself a quickie! To me it just doesn't look sexy.
Then one day a friend of mine and I were having a glass of wine and a giggle, and she did a quick little sketch, acting out her masturbation orgasm, and I was so relieved – my friend also looks like she's having a fit when she brings herself to climax!
I was so happy to discover this, that I went into details and found out that she does everything I do… legs wide open and rigid like I'm being electrocuted, eyes rolling back like I'm a zombie in a horror film… I asked my friend if she had ever masturbated in front of her boyfriend and she said – Hell no! So you see, we are not alone.
There are ways you can get your guy to masturbate you the way you like it, without literally showing him your whole self-masturbation routine from a birds-eye angle, if what he's doing right now isn't really rocking your world.
Be Honest If He's Doing It Wrong
Guys are only doing what worked for the previous girl, but of course you are entirely different to her, so it's probably not working and he's wondering why. A guy I used to see was always way too rough, way too soon, because that's what worked best with his ex. Apparently she was easy to bring to climax. Well sorry hun, I'm a little more complex!
The main problem was that he wasn't lubricating his fingers properly before he started rubbing away like a mad man on a mission. I'm quite sensitive, and so I'd become sore before he'd even had a chance to stimulate me – men's fingertips can have quite rough skin, and they don't realise it. As you may have experienced; once you're sore, your legs close up and you're done for the mutual masturbation part of the evening.
Before he starts to touch you, just take his wrist and pop his thumb and the two fingers that he is most likely to use into your mouth one by one and wet them thoroughly using your tongue!
He will get the hint if you do this every time, and also it's a huge turn on because you're giving him a sneaky preview of what your blow jobs are going to be like, if you enjoy giving oral sex! Really he should know that you need to be well-lubricated before play, because a guy's penis is the same, especially the sensitive head.
You might even want to bring some lube into the mix. There is an exciting variety of lubricants on the market, and even ones that give you an increased tingling feeling – I like that one! Lubricants are very useful during mutual masturbation as saliva dries out pretty quickly because the skins absorbs it like a sponge.
Only you know how you like to be touched. Every woman's clitoris has a different level of sensitivity. One that is more exposed may even be too painful for immediate contact, or you may need a firmer touch because your clit is hidden away underneath the hood. Different women are used to different pressures, and it can also depend on the mood; perhaps you like to be touched quite lightly?
I know that I am most turned on by very wet feathery touches because I love the build up of anticipation, and I don't need direct constant clitoral stimulation until the end; but when I masturbate myself, a quickie is less about feeling physically turned on, but more about a rapid intense build-up in which I create tension through my leg and abdominal muscles, so I tend to be more rough with myself.
You can also teach a guy about the different feelings you get when he touches you in different ways just by guiding his fingers under the covers and talking him through. He doesn't have to get down there with a magnifying glass!
Inspire his imagination by encouraging him to try lightly pinching your lips together and moving them around so that your clit can feel the friction from underneath. Let him know that you enjoy the whole of your vaginal area to be stroked and rubbed with different pressures, speeds and directions.
I like a wet finger to draw tiny circles on the tip of my clit, but not constantly… it always feels better when broken up by other things to begin with; but your guy will never know this until you suggest it to him. You will be surprised at how interested he is, once you get talking! Basically you are giving him permission to experiment – which is perfect because you never know, he may surprise you with something you didn't even know you liked!
Remember, you're not necessarily going to give him a step by step verbal guide of how to masturbate and get you off, because that could put unnecessary pressure on him, and if he can't get you off then he's just going to feel bad. It's more about encouraging him to try new things.
Here are some things you can ask him to try to get him thinking outside of the box:
- Tell him to stimulate everywhere BUT your clitoris! This will teach him to build you up to a delicious state of anticipation.
- Ask him what his other hand is doing. When he states the obvious, that it's not doing a lot, tell him what you want it to do… fiddle with your nipples perhaps? Or maybe you'd like a wet finger rimming your assh*le, if you're a little daring?
- Ask him to use his fingers like scissors, see what that feels like!
- Tell him to go slower if he's going fast, faster if he's going slow, harder if he's going soft and… well you get the drift.
- Ask him to cup your vagina with the whole of his palm and stimulate you that way if he can…
A lot of the communication depends upon him being receptive to how your body responds to his touch too, so if he's playing lightly but not recognizing that you trying to grind against his fingers means you want more pressure, just moan “harder...”