The Art of Sexting: When Sex Meets Texts

Nailing sexting is a delicate art that takes practice and a lot of screw-ups to master. Here’s how to do it better and better each time.

If you don’t do it already, you might be wondering why you should sext at all. Well, for many reasons.

One of them is convenience. Sometimes it’s easier to send a quick, flirtatious reminder of your pretty self to your significant other rather than interrupting them with a call just to say, “Hey. I’m thinking about you”.

It’s also an excellent way to stay in touch while you build intimacy and keep the flame burning in a long distance relationship, or a fail proof technique to avoid routine in a long term relationship.

Sexting is also a fun and less awkward way to propose and negotiate what you’d like in bed thanks to the buffer of the phone between you and your partner. Use this tool to ask for what you want as clearly as you want.

Keep in mind that it’s a great way to suss out your sexual compatibility in the initial stages of a relationship (if he brings up a fantasy that could be a deal breaker for you, you could talk to him about it and negotiate or run as fast as you can).

Also, sexting can be very useful to explore potential activities together. (NOTE: Please be coherent with what you suggest and what you’re actually willing do. For example: Don’t bring up doing it by the back door via text if you’re horrified to do it in real life. Be authentic and be yourself.)

Another plus is that sexting helps you to improve your dirty talk—especially if you’re more shy and demure in reality.

Sexting as Foreplay

Foreplay is the prelude to coitus and includes a wide range of activities from innocent kissing to more physical and hands-on explorations. However, foreplay doesn’t start with the innocent touching; it starts much earlier than this when we put our biggest sex organ –our brain– to work.

The act of sex is not limited to mere intercourse (or “put it in, then pull it out” and that’s all). It begins with the fantasy and the anticipation of it. When it comes to erotic arousal, anticipation is key.

Sharing kinky thoughts with your significant other can be as fun as putting these thoughts into action as tension builds. Instant gratification is always pleasant, but the amount of pleasure intensifies when you wait for the release. After all, not being able to have what we want right now makes us want it even more. It’s more about a psychological game than something physical.

WARNING: Keep it consensual. Start slowly when you try to incorporate sexting for the first time in a relationship. There’s nothing more disgusting than receiving a random, unrequested d*ck pic from someone you barely know. Similarly, sending your significant other random and unrequested nudes or shooting hardcore dirty talk out of the blue might be considered rude.

Make sure the other person is okay with it as not everyone is into this kind of game. You could begin in a casual way, texting something like, “I was thinking about you lying in my bed the other night…”, “Guess what I’m wearing,” or “Does this outfit *show something sexy* look good on me”? If he follows, GREEN LIGHT!

Also, knowing that you think about him in an erotic way will turn him on a lot.

And, as it will boost his ego, making him feel more confident, chances are good that when you see him later, his performance will be awesome. Get ready for a big night by sending something naughty.

Ambiguous is Good

Sexy woman on bed write message by phone

I don’t mean that you should be cryptic and make it impossible for him to understand your thoughts because most men are clueless and you might not get the response you want. What I mean is that you should tease him. Remember that men live for the “maybe.”

Send something that’s suggestive but not too explicit. When it comes to sending pictures, less is more.

It’s more exciting to show a silhouette in low lights or a cropped body part (make it a cute one) wearing few clothes than a full frontal nude. Let him imagine the rest. Be subtle with your insinuations and build from there to whatever you’re both comfortable with.

The Surprise Factor

For most people, receiving something pleasant that they didn’t see coming is very rewarding.

If you feel you’re getting stuck in a routine or you wake up feeling extra naughty—or even have no reason to do so—surprise your man with a flirty message. You’re likely to put a big smile on his face in the process!

The spontaneity and improvisation that take place while sexting will add a lot of sparkle to your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’ve started dating recently or you’ve been married for forty years. Plus, it’s a reminder that you’re thinking about him and a good way to remind him about the amazing and confident woman he has next to him in the middle of a busy day. Make him feel good and you’ll harvest the results.

The Power of Imagination

In this era of social networks and instant communications, there’s no excuse for not being creative.

There are millions of things you can send to turn him on: classic texts, photos, memes, emojis, voice notes, songs, videos, etc. Skip the routine, “Hey babe. I’m horny. Come over and bring pizza,” late night text.

Instead, tell him you miss him in an original way. Even a wink emoji can soften a line that in other ways would’ve come out crude. Yes, you can actually flirt with emojis. It’s all about clarifying the intention with which you say something.

How to Sext Safely

Top view of beautiful young woman in white lingerie lying in bed and looking at her smart phone

He might be Prince Charming and unlikely to use screenshots of your texts or pictures as a means of revenge, blackmail or profit, but keep in mind that what goes out in the media (particularly on the internet) stays there forever even if you delete it, and a skilled enough hacker can access your material and pull a J Law on you.

Therefore, try not to use your name or contact info and avoid including visuals of your face if you’re sending a nude. You can always crop them or blur them. Don’t be paranoid, just cautious. Triple check before sending anything. (Imagine if you sent the text to your dad, your boss or the entire school!)

Sexting in inappropriate places or situations is the best. Just make sure you have your poker face on and nobody’s looking over your shoulder.

As internet has memory and people can be evil, delete your messages periodically or put a password on your devices. That way, you’ll avoid potential screw ups. Finally, please remember that sending something sensual to another person doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to have sex if you don’t want to.

If you’re still not convinced to give sexting a go, you’re missing out! If for no other reason than the fun of it, give it a try with these tips on how to nail it. We promise you’ll never look back!

Do you have any sexting stories to tell? Share your doubts and thoughts in the comments section below!


About the author


24 year-old philosopher, dog lover and kinkster. Occasional blogger. Currently struggling with adulthood. I cry with chick flicks.

Add Comment

Click here to post a comment