Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again.
Yes, I am a damaged woman. What are we like? We are constantly looking for the flaws that we perceive all men to have, waiting for that ‘ah ha’ moment when we can say, “See! I knew that he was too good to be true”.
Do we know that this is not fair? Absolutely, but please don’t hate us for it. You see, when we last loved, we gambled everything. When we lost, it made the stock market crash of 1929 look like the prequel to our life. We bet everything within us on that happy ever after.
Now that we have somehow found the courage to poke our heads out and smell the roses, we can’t help but being like Chicken Little. We see how wonderful you are and how much you are really trying to show us that you have no intention of hurting us, but sometimes, it all comes flooding back, and we cannot help it. Please be patient; there are more of us than there are of you. If you don’t follow through with me, you will with the next.
What can I offer to you as advice?
Be very mindful—more mindful than you have ever had to be in your life! Think like us. Put yourself in our shoes, even if that means creating imaginary scenarios that are too farfetched to even possibly be true because there is a good chance that they are.
There are so many deep, dark secrets that we can barely admit to ourselves in the dead of night, let alone, ever admit to you. When we suddenly go quiet or off radar, that is a good indication that something was said or done that triggered that pain again.
They say that time heals the pain, but that is not true. It never goes away; it just gets placed further back in our minds and hearts until, one day, we no longer can recall the address we filed it under.
Are we worth it?
Who doesn’t want the kind of love we gave to the man we were with? He may have been the wrong man, but the love is what YOU are looking for. Instead of looking at us like we are weak and could have done better, look at it like it were you we loved first, before our hearts were broken. Wouldn’t you want a woman to love you that fiercely and with that much devotion?
Most of us have stayed, trying, until we have lost everything, including our minds and dignity. It may not be a perfect love, but it is true love. Love that wasn’t looking for anything but love in return—not your bank account, cars or prestige. Just you.
Is it going to be easy?
That is the tricky part. No. Never. But, what worth having is? If the brave knights had ran away at the first sign of the dragons, they would never have rescued the princess, locked in the tower.
If you run away, after you have awakened even the slightest bit of hope, you would have been better off eating Cheetos on your own couch. When you do walk away, we know that you are dealing with your own insecurities too, but, being little girls at heart, we were truly hoping that you were man enough to face your demons and come and help us fight ours. When you don’t, we put you in the class with the other men, and think you are all the same.
We are more like you than you know
Women like us, have standards. We have made it this far, without becoming like some of our own kind who have started wearing their daughters’ clothes, even though they are two sizes too small and twenty years too old. We are not out there shaking it and sharing it with the men whom we despise. So, please see that.
You want a woman you can respect, then earn it. It’s not a job interview, but it is a position for a lifetime that we are looking to fill. If you want to fill it, be who we need you to be. That doesn’t mean changing who you are. If we didn’t like you to start with, I promise you, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. All we are asking is for you to try—and don’t quit when you get scared.
We are worth it. I promise!