Love

The Friend Zone: 10 Signs He Just Wants To Be Your Friend

It can be tough to tell if the guy you’re crushing on actually likes you as more than a friend. Unfortunately, sometimes you’re just not on the same page.

There’s nothing worse than unrequited love. Or maybe there is something worse: when you like someone and you think that they feel the same way, but then they tell you that they just want to be friends.

It’s seriously horrible and it’s enough to make you want to give up on finding love altogether.

Of course, you don’t have to feel that way. All hope is not lost. There are a few easy ways to tell if the guy in your life wants to be your friend or if he’s just waiting in the wings for you to say that he should totally be your boyfriend. It just takes some careful thought.

This goes for whether this guy is your co-worker, a good friend, or even someone that you’ve been on a first date with.

Read on to find out the 10 signs that he just wants to be your friend. Because the sooner you figure this out, the sooner you can move on and start crushing on someone who totally likes you back.

1) He never flirts with you

Beautiful happy couple flirting

Sure, it’s totally possible to start dating someone who has been a good friend for a long time. It’s not unheard of for the best relationships to start from friendships.

After all, this means that you know the guy really well and that you clearly enjoy each other’s company. And sometimes, finding someone that you can stand to be around is half the battle when it comes to dating and finding love.

But if this guy never, ever flirts with you, then that’s a sign that he just wants to be your friend. There are really no two ways about it. If he likes you, he’s going to flirt with you.

He won’t be able to stop himself. Whenever you try to hang out, he’s going to keep thinking about being with you in a romantic way, and he won’t be able to get rid of those thoughts. So he’s going to flirt.

Unfortunately, if you really do feel like you’re only friends and there is no flirting happening whatsoever, then you honestly have your answer.

2) He never texts you

Here’s the thing: when a guy has a crush on you, he’s going to text you. Guys always text the girls that they like because they think about them every day and want to be in touch.

They don’t think that it makes sense to go for long stretches of time without any contact or communication whatsoever.

You may think that this guy still likes you even if he never sends you a text message saying “hey” or asking how your work week is going. That’s because you think that it’s awesome that he’s not clingy or being annoying.

Sure, you don’t want to date a clingy guy. Definitely not. But texting someone once a day or even every few days is not exactly clingy behavior. If he never sends you a text message, that can tell you a lot about how he really feels about you.

3) He doesn’t make plans with you – you’re the one doing that

Beautiful Latin college student flirting and talking to a guy she likes at school

Are you the one who always texts first? Are you the one who always asks when this guy is free and when he wants to get together next?

If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then the truth is that this is one of the 10 signs that he just wants to be your friend. If he wants you to be his girlfriend, he’s going to ask you to spend time with him.

Why would he sit back and wait for you to ask him instead? He’s not a mind reader and he doesn’t know when you’re going to get in touch and ask him to grab a beer or go for dinner. He would honestly be asking you those things himself and it would be his idea.

4) He’s always busy

When a guy likes you, it doesn’t matter how busy he is. Because the truth is that everyone is busy. You’re busy. You have a full life, right?

Between hanging out with your friends, seeing your family, working, and enjoying a hobby or two (not to mention staying healthy and going to yoga and cooking and watching Netflix), you’re pretty crazy busy. This guy is busy, too.

But you’re not too busy to see him, right? Don’t you feel like your schedule is too packed? Of course you don’t. Because you like him.

So that should tell you something right there. If a guy likes you, he will never be too busy to see you and spend time with you. If he tells you that he’s always busy, that’s one of the 10 signs that he just wants to be your friend.

5) He complains a lot

Young couple fighting in coffee shop 7

If you like someone, do you whine and complain 24/7? No, you definitely don’t. Because you want to make a good impression and put your best foot forward.

If this guy complains a lot, he’s only thinking about you in a platonic way. He doesn’t mind making himself look like a negative person and he doesn’t care what you think about him.

He treats you like any other friend and that means that he doesn’t mind letting you know how unhappy he is with absolutely everything in his life.

You definitely let your BFFs know when you’re not thrilled with something that’s going on in your life, but it’s safe to say that you wouldn’t talk about the crappy stuff when you’re trying to turn someone from a friend to a romantic partner.

6) He overshares

Oversharing is honestly the kiss of death from moving from the friend zone to a relationship. If this guy overshares with you and tells you everything about himself, from his past to his current life, then that’s not a good sign.

In fact, it proves that he just wants to be friends. This goes along with the whole wanting to make a good impression on someone that you’re crushing on.

You may think that he likes you because he’s telling you stuff about himself, but he’s doing this because he’s just friendly. That’s really all it is. It doesn’t prove that he likes you in that way.

7) He talks about his ex-girlfriend

man and woman talking while sitting on bench

Ouch. This is a sign that he just wants to be friends. If he liked you and wanted to make you his girlfriend, he wouldn’t be comfortable spilling his romantic history.

He would feel all kinds of awkward about it and he also wouldn’t want to talk about why things went south.

Do you talk about your ex-boyfriend (or ex-boyfriends) on a first date? Or even just when you’re hanging out with someone that you have a crush on? Probably not. It’s just not what you do.

8) He doesn’t ask you for a second date

This is a tough thing to deal with but it happens a lot. When you finally go on an awesome first date, it can be really tempting to keep chatting with this guy and even ask him out for a second date.

You figure that he must like you because you like him and you can’t possibly be the only one feeling that kind of connection.

Unfortunately, sometimes you’re alone. It sucks and it’s unfair but that’s just the truth.

If a guy doesn’t ask you for a second date, he just wants to be friends (or he doesn’t even want to be that, but that’s another story).

9) He’s been in your life forever

Sure, you might think that your guy friend or male coworker or friend of a friend could totally like you back even if you’ve known each other for a long time. Again, some romantic relationships do happen as a result of both people being friends first.

But if this guy has been in your life forever in a platonic way and there has been no effort on his part to take you out of the friend zone, then it’s time to face facts. You’re going to stay there.

10) He tells you that you’re a good friend or that you are platonic

Rear view of young college friends talking while walking in campus

The final sign that he just wants to be friends? He literally tells you.

When a guy tells you something, you absolutely have to believe him. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to hear these words.

It doesn’t matter that you think that he’s totally wrong. This is what he thinks and feels and you have to listen.

Think about it this way: he would never tell you that you’re simply platonic if he didn’t feel that way.

He would never want you to think that there was no possibility of things turning romantic if he liked you that way. It sucks to hear this but it’s honestly time to accept it and move on.

When you’ve got a major crush on a guy that just wants to be friends, it can be a really painful thing to deal with. It’s hard enough to find someone that you like, and it’s a shame when someone just doesn’t share your feelings.

But if you can understand that this isn’t about you and that you’re still an amazing person, it’ll be much easier for you to open yourself up to finding love with someone else.

Have you ever liked a guy and been told that you were put in the friend zone? Do you think that being friends first can turn into more? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

About the author

Aya Tsintziras

Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.

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  • Ok, I get all of that but what am I supposed to think when he is doing all but 2 pf the things listed? (the 2 negative things that is) ??‍♀️