It is with a heavy heart that I write this article. You, my dear readers, know that I’m all about being optimistic in the romance department. I truly believe in love and have had high hopes of finding it.
Recently, a few days ago in fact, my views were challenged. You see, I started dating this really great guy and well… he lied to me.
Let me start from the beginning. Six years ago I was in love. The guy, Joe, was my best friend: He knew everything about me, and I was sure he was the one.
We were even talking about marriage. Then, one day, he decided he just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and he left.
There was no fight, there was no argument and no harsh words… he just left. I was almost destroyed.
A couple of months ago, I met someone and for the first time in six years I decided to open up to him.
Before I did, I told him very clearly that it had been a long time, but I wanted to pursue a monogamous, meaningful relationship with him.
He said that he felt the same about me. We spent all of our time talking and getting to know each other emotionally.
So, after our first night together, after laying naked in each other’s arms and talking intimately into the wee hours of the morning, he drops a bomb on me over breakfast.
“I do want to date you,” he said, “but I don’t really believe in monogamy. I think we should go to dinner and have dates and have sex, but I want to go out with and sleep with whoever I want whenever I want, too.”
In other words, he lied to me and just wanted to be friends with benefits.
I’m sure you can imagine how my heart feels right now.
Luckily, I wasn’t in love with him, but I was torn up because I had opened myself up. I was also really hoping to be in a stable relationship – especially with a guy I had so much in common with. After all, I’m not getting any younger here.
Which leads me to this writing. I’m always telling you how to go and meet men; I’m always advising you how to keep a guy interested… but, I’ve never told you why it’s okay to be single.
Why it’s perfectly okay to preserve your heart and not open it up.
So, here it is: The truth of why it is okay not to look for love.
Society Lies To Us
Society tells us that by the time we hit our thirties we should already be married with 2.5 kids and a minivan. We should have an awesome husband and take our kids to soccer games and have lunch dates with other moms. Without this, we are incomplete as women and we’ve done something wrong.
Society lies.
We haven’t even hit middle age by our thirties (the new “middle age” range doesn’t start until the age of fifty two).
This means if we meet and marry in our thirties we will be stuck with that person for at least fifty years. I can honestly say I’ve never dated a man I could imagine having around for fifty years.
Also, kids and a minivan aren’t for everyone. I have a kid, he’s almost grown and out of the house. I love him more than my own life, but I definitely don’t want to start all over again (being a single mom is hard work).
Society also doesn’t remind us that marriage is hard, too, and it doesn’t always work out. Have you seen the statistics on divorce rates?
It’s Not Easy, But It’s Okay
What we really feel in our thirties is that we’re old maids who will never find a mate. I’ll admit: The loneliness feels like it’s killing me sometimes. I’m not someone who was meant to be alone, but here I am anyway.
Still, being alone and being single is so much better than being in a relationship where the person lies or cheats. Not saying all men do, I’m just saying there are worse things than being single.
It’s okay to want to be in a relationship, but it’s not okay to settle for the wrong guy.
You should revel in the fact that you are strong enough not to stay with a man who doesn’t deserve you.
It is a strength, not a weakness, to choose to be single and not accept less than what you really want.
You Have The Choice
Most of the men I’ve met don’t want to be in a relationship because their last love broke their heart.
Now, they just want to use women and throw them away, and to stay emotionally unattached.
It’s ridiculous to think that you never want to find love again. Everyone wants love. These guys are just ruining it for us good women who wouldn’t treat them bad.
In other words, they’re the ones who are broken, not you.
You have a choice. I have chosen not to open myself up so freely to love, but to keep the option open if the right kind of man comes along.
I choose to be picky, but not completely closed to love. For me, this is the best decision.
It also means I’m likely to be single for a while and I have to be okay with that.
I could give my heart easily to every guy I meet, I could even settle for less, but in the end I’d be even more hurt.
It’s okay to be single and not want to be hurt by every man who comes along.
Revenge Is Still Bad
I’ll be honest: I wanted to run this guy over with my car. I think it would have given me great satisfaction. I even contemplated finding some poor sap and ripping his heart out the way mine has been.
Then, reality set in. As much as I would love to get even, it’s still best to be a good person.
After all, if you become the person they are, then ultimately that jerk who broke your heart won.
So let me just end this advice by saying once again: It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to keep your heart intact and not to open up. You don’t even have to date anyone if you don’t want to.
I will not date anyone for a long time. I might sleep with someone every once in a while, but I will definitely not open up my heart to just anyone.
Be single and strong. Do your own thing and enjoy your life without the heartache.
There is no need to feel bad because society says we should be married in order to be complete. That’s just an old fashioned notion and an unrealistic look on real love.
Be complete in yourself. I know it’s hard; I’m struggling too. But it’s okay.
Always keep yourself open to the possibility of love, though.
Be single by choice, not because some guy broke you.
Ultimately, all those heartaches and bad dates have only conditioned you to be even more grateful for the right man when he does come along.
Add Comment