What to Do When Something Feels Wrong

In a relationship, sometimes, something simply doesn’t feel right. Romantic relationships aren’t an exception. You can’t quite put a finger on it, but you can tell that your partner is somehow different, not his or her usual self, the one you know and, for the better part, love.

An unkind word here, an avoided contact there, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re heading for a crisis. Like an approaching storm, you see dark clouds gathering in the distance, and you are not sure what to do – run and hide, stand your ground or just hope that the winds will blow the storm away?

In other words, the place where you think your relationship is going isn’t a pleasant one – you feel the pressure to do something, but, just like a storm, the wrong move could worsen your position.

In this case, you’re not risking getting picked up by a raging tornado, but you still don’t want to make that wrong move, that could only get you further away from your partner.

So, here are several ‘’safe’’ options that you have at your disposal.

1. Do Nothing

This may sound like a false alternative, but it is worth mentioning – maybe you’re just imagining it. In a couple of weeks, your relationship is back to that well known, comfortable place, and you laugh at yourself for worrying about nothing. Sometimes, the wind does blow the storm away. But, do you really want to risk it?

2. Talk About It

talking couple sitting in kitchen

Talk is always good, but not ‘’what’s wrong with you’’ kind of talk more suited for an interrogation room in a police station. Don’t talk about the ‘’problem’’ (remember the first point), and instead just talk, with no particular agenda or objectives.

Find out how your partner is feeling, what is going on in his life. You probably think that you’re updated, but maybe you don’t know something small, yet important, and you’ll be a little wiser about your partner’s state of mind. And that is always a good thing.

3. Bigger Picture

Stop thinking about your partner, and start thinking about your relationship. Look at what you, together with your loved one, have and what you are building. What was it like in the past, what are you expecting from the future, where are you right now.

Your relationship is like water, and you two are the building elements – oxygen and hydrogen. Combined together, you make something completely new. Your relationship, like any relationship, is always changing and evolving, and you should try to keep up with it.

4. Change of Perspective

smiling thinking woman

After thinking about the relationship you have, try to put yourself in your partners shoes. What is he feeling about you, and how does he see the thing that you have built together, and are still building? Forget your desires, needs and wants, and think about his. Understanding your partner will help you to find out what is going on.

5. Coerce by Tenderness

Be tender with your loved one, even if you feel that those emotions aren’t given right back. Human touch is a powerful thing. A long, loving embrace, a deep kiss, and other similar acts of tenderness, may be just the thing you need, to get your partner to open up and share the problem. Even if they don’t accomplish that, they are still a great way to say something to your partner without uttering a single word.

The storm may or may not be coming. But, even if it’s not coming right now, chances are that it will be, sooner or later – because not many relationships avoid them.

Be understanding, open minded and loving, and it will help when the clouds start gathering.

About the author


I am a psychologist, author and a journalist, currently in training for a Gestalt therapy degree. I am mostly interested in emotional relationships and the process of change in people endlessly fascinates me. When I’m not working, I enjoy movies, novels, travel and snowboarding.

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