When you reach a certain age and you still haven’t had a real relationship, it can be tempting to throw your hands up in the air and be done with it.
You put so much time and effort into finding the right person it’s starting to feel like a full-time job, so why have you still not found them?
You’re doing all of the things you’re supposed to be doing. That includes swiping right on Tinder, going on dates, meeting all kinds of people, but it’s still not going anywhere.
All of your efforts appear to be pointless and you’re starting to wonder if you should give up on love. That would be a disservice to yourself. Here’s why you shouldn’t lose hope of being in a real relationship.
There’s no timeframe
There is no timeframe for your first real relationship. In life, everyone moves at different paces. Don’t compare your own progress to someone else’s.
It really doesn’t matter if you’re in your twenties or your thirties and you still haven’t had a relationship or fallen in love yet. And it’s not something you should feel embarrassed about either.
You may feel like you’re running out of time, and everyone around you seems to be in happy relationships, but it’s not true.
You’re ready for love right now, but sometimes you have to wait, otherwise, if you rush into something you will come to regret it.
Just because you haven’t found it yet, it doesn’t mean you’ll never have it. It might sound like a cliché, but love can enter your life at any time. There’s never a right time or a wrong time to fall in love. It just happens. And then it’s up to you to decide what happens next.
Love comes in all forms
Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love you should be looking for. When you limit yourself to just one type of love and you’re not able to find it, that’s when you start feeling disappointment.
However, all kinds of love fill you up. The love from your friends, family, even your pets can make you feel good. You may not always realize it, but their love is just as beneficial as the love you’d receive from a partner.
Love isn’t just about physical intimacy. It’s about caring for someone and them caring about you. It’s important that you show that you care because that’s how you form a connection.
Don’t shut them out – you need them as much as they need you. You have to open up your heart to them. How else will you know how to love?
Restricting your definition of love to just romantic love will cause you to lose hope. Keep your mind and your heart open.
Searching is part of the journey
It’s unlikely that you will meet the love of your life after just one date. Sometimes the search can feel exhausting and tiresome, but it’s worth it. So many other good things can come out of it.
While you’re searching, you will be introduced to different kinds of people. These people will be from all kinds of backgrounds with unique personalities.
The more people you meet, the more you will understand what you want out of a partner and a relationship. You will also learn a lot about yourself; the kind of person you are and what you are looking for.
After some time, when the search doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, you might feel like calling it quits. While it’s true that sometimes love finds you when you’re not looking for it, you still have to make an effort. You can’t sit back and expect everything to fall in place, as it’s not always that easy.
Searching for love isn’t a waste of time. Every rejection, every “almost relationship” is leading you to find the right person.
The past is the past
A bad experience, or a few bad experiences, shouldn’t hinder you from looking for love.
Perhaps you thought that you found “the one” but it didn’t work out and now you are worried that you’ll never be able to find anything that will compare.
Except, you need to let that go and focus on the future. When you stop feeling negative about love, that’s when you can open yourself up to better opportunities.
It’s hard to stay optimistic when you haven’t had a real relationship yet, but try and look at it from a different angle.
The next person you meet, whether it’s accidentally or through a dating app, could be the one you fall deeply in love with. Life is unpredictable in that sense – you don’t know what’s around the corner.
There’s no rush
If you want to take a break from going on dates and socializing, then don’t feel guilty about it. It doesn’t mean that you’re starting to give up, it’s giving you some much needed time to rest and think about what you want. After all, it’s not a good idea to be in a relationship if you’re not sure exactly what you want out of it.
When dating is making you feel miserable and you’re not really enjoying it, that’s a sign that you should take a step back and focus on other aspects of your life.
It doesn’t have to be a long break, but just enough time for you to relax and get in a better frame of mind.
You need to stay positive
Saying things along the lines of “I’ll never find anyone” and “I might just give up” will close you off to the idea of finding love. You’ll start feeling negative about every person you meet, as you’ve already concluded that it’s probably not going to work out.
This negative outlook isn’t fair to you, or anyone else who is trying to get close to you, and it’s actually holding you back from finding a real relationship.
Even though you may not feel it right now, try and get excited about meeting someone and falling in love, because it will definitely make the search a whole lot easier.
It’s worth it
Why would you consider giving up on something that can benefit your life in so many ways? Of course, you don’t need to be in a relationship to experience happiness and security, but it can give you so much more than that.
Love is about sharing experiences, as well as sharing your heart with someone else. It is scary taking a chance on someone because you don’t know if it will last, but it’s worth taking that risk to experience feelings that you didn’t even know you could feel.
Let’s be honest, most of us want to find love and we want it to stick around for as long as possible.
Not every relationship will work out, and not every person we meet will fill us with love and desire, but you know that it’s possible for you to feel something for someone.
You are capable of finding love, and if you put in the effort, there’s no reason why you should lose hope of being in a real relationship.
I have had real relationships in the past, but after having my heart broken i have given up on love. In my mid forties now and i have not dated or anything else for over 12 years.