Should you play hard to get or not? Do guys like being ignored or should you learn to find balance? That is the question we are here to answer.
Do guys like being ignored? I could answer with a simple yes or no, but the truth is that the answer isn’t all that straightforward. In short, men don’t like being ignored, but that doesn’t mean they want you to throw yourself all over them either. There’s a reason for that, which I will reveal.
There is something to be said for fairy tales about princes and princesses; knights in shining armor, rescuing princesses locked in towers.
Most princesses are neither helpless nor locked in a tower, but how do you feel when someone gives you a prize for no reason compared to winning a prize you fought really hard for?
The first scenario implies that the prize isn’t worth very much as you don’t have to prove yourself to win it. In the second scenario, you have to work very hard for it, meaning it supposedly has worth. Why else would you fight so hard to obtain it?
The fight in and of itself will give you an adrenaline rush and adrenaline, for some reason, makes people fall in love faster—possibly because danger makes us give our all.
There’s nothing like a war to fuel love stories; when you feel you have nothing to lose, you will go for what you want.
The fight will also make you feel worthy if you win it. You feel like you are more worthy because you won fair and square. You proved your worth.
Men like feeling like studs. They like feeling like they won the biggest price of all by proving their worth. You not accepting them without first seeing who they truly are will also prove your worth.
After all, if you accept a guy who hasn’t proven his character in the least, what does that show about your character?
No. Absolutely not. How is a guy supposed to know whether to go for you or not if you don’t show your interest? Men want to be adored (go back to the stud thing). They want to feel desired.
In fact, they often fall for women who compliment them. Women who make them feel like they are the man of all men. However, when they fail to be that man, those women will also let them know.
Touch him when talking to him. Compliment him on everything from his looks to his great character traits (just not all in one go). Be supportive about what matters to him.
Play with innuendo with him. Laugh at his jokes (well, at least the good ones). Show up to dates looking nice so he feels you care to show your sexy side for him. In short: flirt.
Ah, here comes the hard to get bit, that isn’t really about being hard to get at all.
Look at it this way: you have a life (and if you aren’t happy with the way your life is right now, you’re working your butt off to make it better).
There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is either happy with where she’s at or going for her dreams full speed while also stopping to enjoy the moment.
Happiness is like an attraction pill. The more you glow, the more men (the right kind of men—those who glow too and some who don’t, but wish they did) will be attracted to you.
Having a life means you have things you care about. You care about your career/studies. If you currently have a job/course you like, you are working overtime also doing what you love.
You have friends and family who are extremely important to you. Or, if you are new in town, you are doing your darnedest to attend events/take classes where you can meet more people.
You also have yourself, which means every so often you spend a day at the spa or in your own bathtub to pamper yourself; you go for walks in the sunshine, chill in coffee shops or do whatever else makes you feel fabulous.
That puts three things before the man you just met and don’t know: career, friends/family and you. The man might become the fourth on this list, but only after you know him and you see that he treats you well.
This means that when you get a text from him when at work or out with friends, you reply only after you finish what you are currently doing. He’s not so important that he comes before your hard-earned career or your friends with whom you are spending quality time.
It also means that when he asks you out for a date on Thursday and you have already scheduled gym time, you ask if he can meet on Friday instead. He’s not more important than your health.
By not constantly being available, he sees that you have other priorities. It also gives you the benefit of the doubt (in a roundabout sort of way): if you don’t reply straightaway he will wonder if you like him and work harder for you to do so.
It will also give him a chance to miss you and daydream about you if he isn’t bombarded by texts and dates. Ever heard of sugar cravings? Well, men get woman cravings….
Challenging also means that you don’t give more than you get. If he’s not treating you as his girlfriend, you have less time for him. If he doesn’t text you very often, you don’t text him very often. You aren’t chasing him, in other words, and he doesn’t get privileges he isn’t entitled to.
Lastly, challenging is also a game of teasing each other. “Want to go on a date on Friday?” “Depends…is it going to be a good date? Come up with a good one and I’m game…” Don’t just give it to him; make him work—not in every scenario (remember the flirting bit), but when there’s an opportunity to tease, tease.
If he gets dirty too soon… “I’m lying in bed…can’t sleep, thinking of you, wishing you were here…” “Oh yeah?! I make for an excellent addition to any bed…but not any bed gets the pleasure of…having me in it. ;)”
Continuously prove your worth and make him work to prove his while also flirting with him. You’re giving him a preview of coming attractions, which he will get to if, and only if, he deserves it.
No, men don’t want to be ignored, but nor do they want you to pour all your loving attention on them until they’ve proven to you their worth. If you give up everything for a guy you don’t know, it shows that you are ready to accept anything.
That will put some men off, and make others think that they can get away with anything in the relationship. Set the tone of the kind of relationship you want to have early on and remember to focus on the things that are already important to you before you focus on a guy you don’t know.
Once you know him, it’s a different story, but remember: he still has to earn your respect every day just as you need to earn his.
Writer. Social Entrepreneur. Foster mommy (twins). Change maker. Foodie. Health freak. Nature lover. Creative nutcase. Blogger (Confessions of a Dizzy Blonde). A friend of mine once described me by saying “One minute she’s like the Dalai Lama, the next a dizzy blonde” and maybe that does sum me up…
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