10 Things Going On In His Mind On a First Date

Are you going on a first date soon, or did you just get back from one? Are you agonizing over your phone wondering what was going on in his mind throughout the evening? Well, ladies, here you go! Here are the 10 things going on in his mind on a first date (and it’s not what you think).

I have a love/hate relationship with first dates. As someone who has been on plenty of them, I can tell you that it took a while to learn what the other half is thinking about while getting to know each other. I’ll admit, I was a bit surprised.

Men can be so simple and yet so complex, and those first date thoughts are just proof of that. So here you go, a sneak peek into the minds of the men we go out with.

#1 He’s Scared to Death

Sure he looks calm and collect, but the truth is, this guy is scared out of his mind! He’s worried about what you’re going to think of him, he’s worried about spilling something on his shirt, he’s worried about spilling something on your shirt…he’s scared. Which is probably why he’s acting like a complete idiot (bear with him, he doesn’t mean to be so socially awkward).

#2 He’s Watching You Eat

couple eating

I had a guy tell me “I’m so glad you chew with your mouth closed, if not, I was going to walk out”. Honestly, it had never before occurred to me that any guy could possibly be thinking about how I chew my food, but there it was. Thankfully, I passed the test, but it was still the last thing in the world I ever thought he would be thinking.

#3 He Wonders What You Think of Him

While you might think your date is just wondering what to think of you, the truth is, he’s really wondering what you think of him. Do you like him? Is he dressed okay? Did he take you to the right restaurant? Is he blowing it? Are you attracted to him? Does he sound smart? Seriously, the guy’s freaking out.

#4 He’s Deciding on a Second Date

When he stops freaking out and relaxes during the date, he’s going to be contemplating a second date. He’s wondering when and how he should ask you out again, where he wants to take you, and most importantly, he’s wondering if you’ll say yes.

#5 He’s Listening to You talk

couple on a date

Men really do listen to us. One of the 10 things going on in his mind during a first date is trying to figure you out. He’s listening to your likes and dislikes, he’s imagining your quirks. I once mentioned to a guy that I love painting and I wish I could paint my walls. I didn’t really think my statement would entice any response, but he actually asked what color I would paint them. I know, it floored me. You see ladies, even though his mind is all jumbled up with fears and insecurities, the truth is, he wouldn’t have asked you out if he wasn’t interested in you.

#6 He’s Watching Your Body Language

There’s no doubt that one of the things going on in his mind on a first date is body language. Are you shying away from him? Are you reflecting his movements (leaning in when he does, or settling back when he does), are you fidgeting or are you a little too relaxed? Your body language tells him whether or not you’re interested in letting him get a little closer to you, which either encourages or discourages a second date. Don’t fidget, ladies, if you want him to ask you out again.

#7 He’s Wondering if You’re Going to Offer to Pay

date paying

While I am a firm believer that a true gentleman always pays, guys really do appreciate a woman who at least offers to pay her share. A real man will say no, but he’ll respect you for not automatically assuming he’s obligated to pay. Ask once, then say thank you and allow him to take the check. Don’t argue over it or you’ll seem a little too independent and that can be a serious turn off. After the first date, you don’t have to offer again unless you ask him out.

#8 He’s Trying to Be Clever

Also going on in his mind on a first date is impressing you. He’s trying to be clever, he really is. He’s trying to sound smart by talking about something interesting, he’s trying to be witty and make jokes, but really he has no idea what to say to you to impress you. He’s trying, though, and you have to give him credit for trying. If zombie jokes and movie quotes are all that come out, don’t give up on him so easily. A second date could prove that he actually has a brain somewhere in there.

#9 He’s Checking for Signs of Physical Attraction

Are you leaning in close to talk to him? Do you casually touch his arm when you laugh at his zombie jokes? Maybe you’re shrugging off his casual arm around your shoulder move, or maybe you walk a little bit in front or behind him? Whatever your movements are, he’s watching them and he’s looking for signs of mutual physical attraction. Make sure you’re giving him the right signs (whichever way the date seems to be going).

#10 He’s Thinking About Either Staying Longer or Leaving Early

man watch

Finally, one of the most important things to remember, is that he’s thinking about either staying longer…or leaving early, depending on how he thinks the date is going. I went on a date with a guy who thought it was going great, even though I was having a better conversation with the guy at the table beside us. At the end of our coffee meet-up, my date decided he wanted to continue seeing me (although we had nothing in common and he was actually getting on my nerves), so he asked if I’d like to have dinner with him. I declined. However, although he wasn’t picking up on my signals, the point is, in his mind he’d already taken it further and extended our evening. I wish that one had wanted to leave early.

Whatever the case may be, ladies, remember that the things going on in his mind on a first date are usually related to his own anxiety. Go easy on him. So tell me, what’s going on in your mind on a first date?

About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

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