After a First Date: Call, Text or Wait

Did you have a great first date? Are you waiting by the phone wondering what to do next? I’m going to go over your options (and tell you the do’s and don’ts) after a first date: call, text or wait.

Don’t you just love that warm, squishy feeling you get after you have a great first date? I do, too. I love coming home and feeling all sappy and romantic. There’s nothing better than that silly grin you can’t seem to shake, is there?

So, you had a great date. Now what? You’re probably wondering if he had a great date, too. You’re also probably wondering “Is it too soon to call? Should I text him? Maybe I should just wait and see if he calls me?” Don’t stress. Here’s the plan.

Be Cool

girl in green shirt having fun at the club

The most important thing to remember after a first date is that you have to be cool. You can’t jump the gun and call him as soon as you open your front door. You can’t look at your phone every five minutes waiting for him to call or text, either.

Let me tell you, he’s probably feeling good about things. He had a good time, he knows you had a good time, and he wants to take things slow. Also, he wants to make sure you’re not going to be clingy and annoying. Be cool, relax. Now, onto the next step.


woman laying in bed and texting

To text, or not to text, that is the question. Men hate texting. If you go out on a date and you don’t get a text from him for a day or two, then don’t worry, this is very, very normal. I recently had a first date with a guy who admittedly said “I’m not good at texting, let’s just talk next time we go out.”

Here’s what you do, ladies. After the date, wait about a half an hour in order to give your guy some time to drive home and get settled in. Then, send a simple text that says “I had a great evening, thank you again”.

If he responds, you’re good to go. If he doesn’t respond, then you have to play the waiting game. He could have fallen asleep, he could just accept it as a thank you text and felt no need to respond, or he could be contemplating his next move.

Wait for His Call

Man using his mobile phone in his bedroom

There’s nothing I hate more than sitting by the phone and waiting for a guy to call. It’s nerve wracking. I gave my number to a waiter at a bar this weekend, and we decided to go to a movie after the holidays. He still hasn’t called or sent a text.

One of three things could have happened here: He could have been put off by the drunk girl I was with and had to carry out of the bar (I was sober). He could have lost my number (pesky table napkins). Or, he could genuinely be waiting until after the holidays to call me.
Now, if I had his number, I would send a Merry Christmas, or Happy new Year, text to him and wait for his response (dating near holidays is very convenient that way). However, since I don’t have his number, I have to sit back and hope for the best (then go back to the bar in a few weeks to try and recapture his attention).

This is good advice, ladies. If he doesn’t call, and you met him at a place where he works, give it about three weeks, then go back and see him. It gives him a little reminder that you’re still interested (without the awkwardness) and it’s a good chance to find out if he really did lose your number.

Call Him

woman talking on the retro phone

If you have his number, it is only okay to call if you already have tickets to an event and want to invite him along. You cannot call after a first date. Calling him is a second or third date kind of thing, you don’t want to seem too pushy.

Of course, that being said, the one exception is that if you’re going to call him, you have to have a reason. “Hi, I just wanted to call and talk” is not a reason. “Hi, I have last minute tickets to a hockey game, and I remember you saying you’re a fan, do you want to go?” is a reason.

If he calls you first, and you’re busy, you can call him back. If he calls and you miss the call, then you can call him back. In other words, the only time it’s really appropriate to call him first after a first date, is if he calls you and you somehow miss the call.

First dates are hard enough, but the waiting and agonizing over the phone is the hardest part of all. My mother always says “Never call a man, let him call you.” I like to try to stick to this rule, but I’m also very impatient and need to know if there’s going to be a second date, or if I should go out with someone else. If you’re like me, then it’s best to text him a thank you and wait for his call.

One very good rule to live by is that after a first date, if you haven’t heard from him within three days, you can attempt to contact him by text to see if he’d like to go out again (perhaps an invite to a movie). Also, if he leaves something of his at your house, or he let you borrow his jacket, you can call him (this is the other exception to the rule of when you can call first) and ask if he’d like the item back.

Finally, after a first date, wait at least three rings before you answer the phone and at least a half an hour to respond to any of his texts. This shows you’re interested, but not jumping at his beck and call (literally).

So, what do you do after a first date?

About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

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