Suffering through a break up is one of the hardest things a person can go through, especially if it’s against their will. The long, sleepless nights spent wondering where it all went wrong and how things could have gone differently can be torturous.
It’s during that time that you can see your relationship in the clearest way. Most of all, the things you did that you now know you should never have done start to show through and you’re left to bear the idea that you may have directly caused the breakup yourself.
If you’re at this point, wondering how to get your ex back as soon as possible, you should try to understand how to recognize two things: when there’s still hope, and when you should let him go and let yourself move on.
Is he worth it?
If you know deep down that you can fix whatever it is that went wrong in the relationship, you have good reason to try to get him back. On the contrary, if you know you can’t make the changes he expects from you, you owe it to him and to yourself to embrace the breakup and understand that the relationship simply can’t work.
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
Even if you feel what he’s expecting from you is unreasonable, if you can’t satisfy his expectations, then that should be that. There’s no sense in waiting around trying to figure out how to get your ex back in hopes that his expectations for you will change. Life is too short for that.
Know when to throw in the towel
One thing you should understand when trying to figure out how to get your ex back is that there’s always the possibility that it’s too late. Before even trying, you ought to make certain that the relationship isn’t already doomed. If the trust is broken and you know one of you will never fully trust the other again, the relationship is probably past the point of salvaging.
There are couples out there who find ways to makes things work after one catches the other cheating. They do exist, but each relationship is different of course. The point is that if the trust is broken, you will both suffer from the effects of mistrust, jealousy, and paranoia in the relationship resulting in unhappiness and possibly the end of the whole thing.
Cheaters don’t belong in committed relationships
If your partner cheated on you, they don’t deserve you. You can’t trust them, and therefore, they aren’t worth being in a relationship with. Anyone who’s had the horrible misfortune of looking into their partner’s eyes and knowing they are cheating will tell you, it’s impossible to forget. Now, if you cheated on your partner, you are the one who doesn’t deserve them—the current you.
That means you have got a lot of changes to make within yourself before you can be in a real relationship. Obviously, you weren’t ready yet. It’s totally fine to take the time in your life to build the willpower within yourself to be a person with integrity. You won’t age past your prime in the meantime. If you don’t like being single and you love being in a relationship, then you are in it for the wrong reasons.
Relationships for people in their twenties are quite often just two people who are with the other person to get what they want or better themselves. Over time, the bond of a relationship becomes more about being with the other person because you love them and you want to be with them, whether they do all of the things that you want or not.
No one is suggesting that you jump straight to that level if you’re not ready, but it’s important to keep in mind that if it’s a relationship of convenience, it is what it is, and whether you’re feeling emotionally vulnerable or not without your partner, don’t hesitate to do what’s necessary. If deep down you feel like it’s better not to go the long haul with that person anyway, then quit trying to find out how to get your ex back, and let them go.
Don’t try to force them to come back against their will
You may very well be able to influence his decision making with your beauty, charm, or in some other way. But in reality, that’s manipulation. Although he may even be too weak willed to resist you, he’ll understand what you’re doing, and that could add to any resentment he may already feel.
Besides, do you really want him to come back out of infatuation? He just might if you keep trying, but keep this is mind: if he’s with you because he’s infatuated with you, the day that he doesn’t consider you so gorgeous anymore or, god forbid, if something were to happen to you that affected your appearance, he would lose interest and start looking elsewhere. Infatuation is not healthy. It drives people to do foolish things.
If you recognize his mistake, let him let you go. You should want him to love you for who you really are, not for the current shape of your body. If you’re going to fight this hard for it, make sure there’s something deeper than skin.
How to get your ex back the right way
If you want to know how to get your ex back, then you need to be ready to make some sacrifices. You need to prove that you are ready to change. It’s as simple as that. If you can actually prove it to him, he will believe you.
If he still doesn’t believe you, then you didn’t prove it to him yet. If he wants you back too but there’s something keeping you apart, try to come up with a mature solution that you can both make peace with.
Relationships are all about compromise. But you ought to be realistic with yourself about whether or not you can really do it. Granted, it definitely won’t be easy. You have to try to come up with a way to demonstrate to him without a shadow of a doubt that you have in fact made the change.
There may be other possibilities depending on your situation and why he left you in the first place, but if it wasn’t working out due to disagreements or personal differences, you will have to make some major adjustments to get him back.
How to approach him
First of all, be respectful and supportive of what he says he really wants. If he views you as someone who will try to keep him against his wishes for your own emotional support, that’s not good at all. Cooperate with him and don’t latch on and start begging and sobbing.
Crying won’t be enough to convince him. As said before, no two relationships are identical, but the best approach is generally sitting down and having a mature discussion about the relationship and how it can be fixed. Using reason will be more effective than theatrics, so try to keep your composure.
Why he left in the first place
If you’re not already certain about why, think about this: Problems and second chances add up in a relationship. They accumulate, and sometimes one person gets fed up. They may come to believe that you’re too hard to be with, and decide to move on. At that point, it’s on you to mend it yourself.
How to know if he wants you back
If he’s willing to meet you again to talk, that’s a good start. It could take some time for him to forgive you, so if he doesn’t yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s through. If he needs some time to think things through, that’s totally normal.
He’ll mull it over in his head and decide whether or not he’s capable of forgiving you, and most importantly, what changes he needs you to make. If he explains to you what he wants, that’s a very strong sign that he really does want you back.
There you have it! If you wanted to know how to get your ex back, this is your answer. Getting your ex back is probably doable, but it will undoubtedly require sacrifice. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you can do it.