It’s true that sex has the power to cause problems in a relationship, but withholding sex can actually cause the same number of problems. We tend to believe that guys will want to get to know us as people if we keep sex from them. This can be true, but it is not the rule.
While sex can get in the way of your judgment when it comes to men you’re interested, it does not necessarily mean that the men you see will be less interested in you if you do decide to have sex.
Sex isn’t the deciding factor in your relationship: the two of you are. Here are four reasons why withholding sex can do more harm than good.
1. It makes the relationship about sex from the start
By making sex this big of a deal, you are actually focusing everything about your relationship on it. It’s counterproductive because you’re spending more time focusing on why sex can’t happen and less on why you want to be with that person.
Another problem with this is that men love challenges. If you tell a guy straight off the bat that you will not have sex with him, then part of him is going to want to see if he can change your mind. By doing this, you’re basically dangling sex in front of him like a toy.
Making everything focused on not having sex will not help you build a bond with the guy you’re interested in. This does not go to say that you have to sleep with him right away.
If you don’t want to have sex, then don’t. But, if you do want to have sex, then why not do it? This whole article is about wanting to have sex, but not doing it because you think it’ll make the relationship only about sex.
2. Having a title just to have sex makes a title meaningless
If you’re the kind of person who refuses to have sex with someone who is not your boyfriend, then that’s fine. The only time this is a problem is if you tell a guy that you will not have sex with him unless he’s your boyfriend.
It goes along with the challenge thing. If a guy knows that giving you a title, one that he could care less about, means having sex, then he’ll do it. It gives the title have little to no meaning.
Withholding sex from him just to get that title is not going to make the relationship great. If you truly like the guy and he likes you, then a relationship and a title will come naturally. It’s not something that should be forced just to have an excuse to have sex.
3. You’re not letting things happen naturally
Sex is a very natural part of a relationship. It can be a way to show someone how much you love them, or it can just be something fun to act on. It doesn’t matter why you’re having sex if you genuinely want to do it.
If you’re holding out on sex because you think people will judge you for it, then you aren’t doing it for the right reasons. It’s a sign of a lack of confidence to worry about what everyone else thinks about what you do with your life and your body. If he doesn’t call you after the fact, then that’s on him. Confident women don’t need men to validate them.
If you feel like you want to have sex, then do it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you two like each other and you want the relationship to be more than just sex, it’s understandable. That is different than holding out on sex. The only thing that holding out on sex does it make a bigger focus on sex.
4. Sex isn’t as serious to men
For some reason, women are taught that sex has to be this wonderful, magical thing that happens when two people love each other. That line is overused and out of context with the time period.
We live in a generation where sex is not a big deal. Sex has become such a causal thing, so some men do not understand why women put such an influence on it. If you’re into it, then awesome. Go for it. If you’re not into it, then don’t do it. It’s that simple.
If a guy genuinely is interested in you, he’s going to be interested in you before and after sex. Sex isn’t going to change his view much because it’s just sex to him. If he likes you, then he likes you. They are two separate things in men’s books.
It doesn’t make sense why a guy would stop talking to a girl because she liked him enough to have sex with him, and vice versa.
At the end of the day, a relationship that is based on sex is not a relationship worth being in. If you two truly get along and enjoy each other’s presence, then nothing else should matter.
There is nothing wrong with acting on your feelings. Withholding sex from a relationship because you’re afraid that he won’t be into you afterwards means that you aren’t secure enough in your relationship to actually trust him. Those are the bigger issues to worry about.
Sex is not a bad thing. Have sex with whomever and whenever you want. No one has the right to judge you for what you choose to do with your body. There is no set time where it is and isn’t okay to have sex with someone. Have sex when you feel it is the right time for both of you. Nothing else should matter.
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