In his best-selling book “Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” comedian-turned-talk-show-host Steve Harvey tells women to wait 90 days (three months) before sex.
Other books say something different. Magazines swear their methods work due to polls, surveys, and dating experiments.
With these conflicting answers, what is the actual correct answer to the infamous question: “how long should I wait to sleep with him?”
The unified answer
Various psychiatrists, therapists, book authors and experts agree on one thing: sex too soon is detrimental. The relationship resembles a one-night stand instead of an everlasting couple.
The reason for the unified no-no is a connection, commitment, and comfort. A connection is the chemistry or sparks felt. Commitment is whether the man sees you as a girlfriend or wife. Comfort is about trusting this person to touch and hold you all over your body.
Sex on the first date doesn’t build love and trust. Instead, it builds bad vibes about your personality and his. Women with standards appear promiscuous after sex too soon.
Men don’t take promiscuous women seriously. Likewise, women ignore crucial warning signs just to satisfy the man’s desire for sex. Question his rush for sex. Why did he target you? Is this man hiding something? Stay committed about how long should I wait to sleep with him.
Specifically, is there proof of love? Two reasons (of many) say otherwise. One answer is the man is using you to deal with his grief. His politeness and courtesy are a ruse to convince you to lay with him. In exchange, he feels better and rushes off before saying anything to you.
Meanwhile, you’re alone wondering what happened and why he’s not taking your calls. Don’t be that woman. A second answer is he using you as his booty call instead of his girlfriend. Heartbreaking yet true.
Fallout after sex is another reason to postpone sex on the first date. A deal breaking discovery about him later on after sex is disappointing. Not loving him after sex is another disappointment.
Unfortunately, it’s too late to undo sex now. The sad part is the consequences are avoidable if you did the research before sexual intercourse. If you’re wondering how long should you wait to sleep with him, sex too soon or during the first date is not it.
The varied answers
While too soon is a unified answer, the exact timeline to offer sex varies. Various sources contain different results and all believe their way is right. The answers vary from two weeks to three months.
In the dating world, sex comes after two dates and as late as six dates. This gap is too large due to the various reasons stated in the introduction. Their reasons are the same: build the relationship based on interests, hobbies, and learning about him.
Family, friends, society, and the media implant timelines for all relationships. If you allow these instigators to control how long should you wait to sleep with him, you will become confused and stressed.
Based on the varied answers provided, the exact answer seems too foggy. However, treat the answers like an estimate. It is an estimate because the answers come from different relationships and averaged out.
The varied answers cannot explain your timeline in your relationship. Therefore, the answers above cannot speak for your relationship. Break out of the box and allow no one to suggest the right time for sex.
This attitude contradicts the “unified” answer of having sex too soon. Sexual intercourse on the first date rarely leads to a steady relationship.
For the vast majority, sex too soon is an irreversible decision that leads to breakups. Stick to this rule if nothing else. Otherwise, how long should I wait to sleep with him is up to you. Trust your gut.
Lastly, ensure sex is coming from a sane and sound mind. The brain has a way of confusing passion through brain chemicals. According to UCLA’s Female Sexual Medicine Center, good moments in the relationship trigger brain chemicals signaling love and attachment.
The results often blur with sexual passion, hence why women must rely on gut instincts more. An obvious, yet important, reason to hold off sex is the strings attached. Examples are pregnancy, STDs, and STIs.
In conclusion, women practicing celibacy or abstinence should stay the course. The trick is convincing him to become celibate or abstinent too. Women not practicing celibacy or abstinence must rely heavily on intuition and gut instinct.
If the mood is questionable, say no. A good indication to begin sexual intercourse is the man sees you as a girlfriend. The man cannot say it; women must channel their emotions to determine if the words are true.
Women question if there’s a connection, so they use sex as a test. Sex then becomes a catalyst for a love connection. This misconception is unnecessary to use sex in this manner.
If the connection isn’t there before sex, the connection’s not coming after it. Chemistry should be built from understanding and love, not sex. This prolongs the “how long should I wait to sleep with him?” debate, which is always a plus.
The second misconception is men craving sex all the time. While men won’t turn it down, some men expect you to say no. Men prefer the chase rather than the reward.
Saying no encourages men to earn sex rather than giving it away. When it’s finally time for sex, men will appreciate it (and you) more. Besides, if men receive the reward, what remains? He wins. You have nothing left to lure him to you.
The final myth is women don’t crave sex. The sexual appetite of some women can rival men, and yet women are telling men to hold back for a set period. Ignore this double standard; sex applies to women keeping their hands off men as well.
Therefore, women must keep their heightened emotions in check. The first date/too soon rule applies to women too. Yes, the chemistry is boiling over.
Nonetheless, resist the urge to hop in bed. Sex blinds the most intelligent woman because sex and love become the same thing. It is not. Wait. Determine if love reciprocates.
Regardless of the decision, your body is a temple. Don’t give the key away. Focus on dating and understanding each other. Ensure this man loves you for you first. Sex is a bonus, not a requirement.
Lastly, allow no one to dictate what is ‘normal’ in dating. These people are not dating him; you are. Sex is tempting enough without family and friends offering opinions that don’t contribute to the relationship.
Decide how long should you wait to sleep with him, then, move the relationship at a comfortable speed. Have sexual intercourse for the right reasons.