Have you ever been on the unlucky receiving end of a really unpleasant massage? I have! It felt like he was poking and prodding at my back, to the point of it actually being quite painful. In all honesty I sat up feeling a lot more tense than when I lay down.
A bad massage is worse than no massage at all, right? Luckily, getting it to feel good isn't as tricky as you think.
If you are planning on giving your boyfriend a massage and want him to have a relaxing, sensual and rejuvenating experience, just follow these simple steps…
Step 1: Prepare Your Massage Space
A massage is essentially a way to calm the mind and relax the body. Choosing a suitable place and preparing an appropriate environment can help to add to the overall experience of your massage.
The space you choose should be clear of clutter, free of drafts, and have nothing that will distract either of you from the massage. This means that the TV and radio should be off, and there should be no kids, animals or flatmates around to interrupt.
You can choose whether or not you want to enhance the general ambiance of the room with music, incense or lighting. Bear in mind that the music you choose should promote a serene atmosphere, and not have any lyrics or anything else that will draw his attention away from the sensations he is feeling through his body during the massage.
Incense should also be pure and light, and the lighting should be bright enough for you to be able to see clearly what you are doing.
The surface you use for your partner to lie on is particularly important. Most couples use the bed or sofa, but sometimes this isn't the best choice unless it is a firm mattress, similar to a futon. There should be enough space for him to lie flat on his chest with his legs flat, and the surface should be firm enough for to be no ‘bounce' when you are massage him.
A bouncy massage would be uncomfortable, and you will find it difficult to really knead out any tension in his muscles. The floor is far more suitable if you pad it with a duvet or mat, and use a low pillow for his head. You can also use sheets to cover areas of his body that you are not working on to prevent any chills.
Step 2: Massage Materials & Preparation
There are plenty of different kinds of oil combinations and even instruments that you can use if you want to get creative with your massage. These can all come in handy if you are using the massage as foreplay and want to turn him on rather than relax him and rejuvenate his body.
Both kinds of massage are great for relationships and I think couples should certainly experiment more with massage both for relaxation and for sexual enjoyment.
It's amazing how much of the body we neglect in relationships, zoning in only on obvious erogenous zone during sex. Appreciating each others bodies can be a wonderful way of nurturing intimacy in a relationship though, and experimentation is never a bad thing.
If you are just starting out on your massage adventures though, just keep it simple. Stick to an unscented massage oil rather than using perfumed creams. Oil is good for the skin and helps your hands to slide over his skin easily, making the massage feel good. It rubs into the skin too, without leaving behind any sticky residue and you don't usually need to use much because a little goes a long way.
If you do want to use a scented massage oil go for a light simple fragrance that leaves the skin feeling clean and refreshed. There is a lot of information online about Aromatherapy if you want to learn more about mixing essential oils for massage.
It is best to tie your hair back and wear simple tight-fitting clothes if you want to give your partner a relaxing massage because this will promote less distractions from what is important. If he is enjoying the feeling of your hair tickling his back as you're leaning over him then he is probably experiencing sexual thoughts rather than clearing his mind. The same is true of loose or sexy clothing, depending on your intentions for the massage!
You should prepare your space so that you have everything at hand, and you don't have to interrupt the flow of the massage to get more oil or change the CD. Massage is about entering a state of mind, and any distraction will ruin the overall effect.
Step 3 : Getting Your Massage Technique Right
Remember, he is not going to expect you to be a complete professional, so don't worry too much about ‘doing it right'. Focus instead on enjoying the experience, connecting on a mental and physical level and losing yourself in the moment.
If you are enjoying yourself then he is more likely to enjoy it too. If you are tense or stressed out and thinking too much about whether you are doing things correctly, then that tension will translate through your hands to him. The body is extremely sensitive and will pick up on any subtle vibrations, so make sure that they are good ones!
Before applying the oil to his skin make sure it is warm by placing the bottle in a bowl of warm water to heat it up. Alternatively you can pour it into your hand and rub your palms together to warm it up before applying to his skin.
Concentrate on spreading the oil over his skin by stroking your hands over his skin. Once you feel ready you can start to apply more pressure with the balls of your hands or with your thumbs, working in circular motions. You should always keep your hands in contact with his skin, alternating and moving up or down his spine, into his shoulder blades and down the sides of his waist.
The trick to giving a really relaxing massage is to use your thumbs to knead into his flesh and use different parts of your hands to produce other effects.
For example, you can use the sides of your palm, the flat of your palm, the tips of your fingertips, and you can even ball your hand into a fist and gently push into his back, not with your knuckles, but with the flat part of your fist, working again in circles. You can lightly pinch the skin slightly as your massage too.
Don't forget to ask him what feels good, or if he would like more or less pressure and where. It can help to use the energy of your whole body when giving a man a massage.
Often a man is a lot bigger than a woman, and their muscles are more dense, so you will probably not hurt him. Just make sure you ease your way into it, and respond to his reactions.
Top 10 Massage Tips
1. Make sure he goes to the toilet before your massage. There's nothing worse that having to disrupt the flow of a massage because he needs to go and take a leak, and holding it in will be a distraction.
2. Massage strokes should move in the direction of the heart in order to promote blood circulation.
3. There are lots of massage toys which can provide a different surface and different sensations on the skin.
4. A foot massage can be the perfect way to relax your partner after a hard day at work, without all the effort of preparing the space or environment for a full body or back massage.
5. Some men enjoy feeling a woman's nails raking along their back, you could integrate this technique into a stimulating body massage.
6. Don't be shy about using more pressure – he can handle it! Unless of course the area is bruised or too tender. Work up to a deeper stroke and make sure he knows to let you know if it is too much or too little.
7. You can provide more stimulation by varying not only the type of strokes you use, but also by varying the lengths and speed of strokes. Make sure that each stroke always leads into the next smoothly though to avoid your partner feeling stressed and embracing himself for the next unpredictable stroke.
8. After a massage it is important to re-hydrate by offering him a glass of water. A massage promoted the release of toxins from the body. Drinking plenty of water afterwards aids in flushing the toxins out of his body.
9. Make sure he can have a shower afterwards he he wants, because oils can clog the pores and leave blemishes on the skin.
10. A warm bath after your massage and before his shower could be the icing on the cake!
How to Boost Your Massage With a Bit of Erotica
Once you've already gotten him to relax completely, there's no bigger stress relief for your guy than an “erotic relief.” Why not add some fun to your massage by also giving him a good old-fashioned hand job. It'll definitely be a massage he won't be able to forget.