In Bed

My Boyfriend Wants Less Sex Than Me. Now What?

Men are known for their sex drive but what happens when yours is more turned on? Don’t panic, there are ways to deal with your boyfriend wanting less sex than you.

It’s a well-known misconception that guys are the only ones that want sex continuously. Woman want to sleep with the boyfriends just as much, if not more sometimes, and that’s okay.

But when your boyfriend seems to be less than interested in getting intimate with you, it can be a scare followed by a period of self-depreciation.

You could find yourself wondering if he still finds you attractive, or worse if he’s getting it from somewhere else. The best thing you can do, though, if this happens to be the case in your relationship, is not to panic. These are some other steps to deal with your boyfriend wanting less sex than you.

1. Talk about it

young cheerful couple talking in the bed

The best thing to do when it seems your boyfriend’s sex drive has been almost non-existent is open the lines of communication. Instead of assuming the worst, ask him about it.

If you’re in a loving relationship, you two should be able to talk about anything and everything, including your sex lives. Don’t attack him for not wanting sex but rather calmly ask him if there is something going on and really listen.

You’ll more than likely be surprised at what he tells you. It could be he’s stressed at work or overtired from the daily grind. When you’re able to talk through it together, it will be a lot easier to work towards common ground.

2. Use foreplay as intimacy

Avoid the pressure of sex by initiating a foreplay only type of sexual intimacy. Give each other oral or even just make-out like you used to as teenagers.

The beauty of this type of intimacy is that when sex isn’t the main focus, it becomes more intriguing and less expected than normal. When the pressure is off, he may just be able to get back into it.

3. Or even other forms of intimacy

Trying to force sex when someone’s drive for it is low will never work, so if you’re in need of serious intimacy and he isn’t, it’s best to try other forms of it. Cuddle together in bed just for the sake of cuddling or even try mutual masturbation if that doesn’t work.

There are a plethora of things you can do to be intimate together that have nothing to do with sexual intercourse. Explore each other’s bodies in a calm, sex free environment and you’ll be able to get back in touch with each other physically.

4. Charm his pants off.

A young couple wispering on the ear

What is meant by this doesn’t actually end with his pants on the floor. Men, too, like to be complimented and made to feel special and in spite of what a lot of people see men be, they aren’t all sex crazed maniacs with a one track mind.

Maybe he’s been feeling neglected lately or you haven’t been as charming towards him as you always used to be. When you can manage to add some of that appreciation for your man his libido might just heighten.

5. Don’t get angry with him

The worst thing you can do is cause an argument. That will not solve anything and it could even make things worse. When a guy is made to feel less like a man he will become withdrawn and may even hold resentment towards you for causing him to feel this way.

You have to get to the bottom of why he’s wanting less sex in a calm rational manner because if you get angry with him, you’ll never truly find out and you could end up ruining the relationship.

6. Open the door for spontaneity

If you and your boyfriend always have sex on a Friday night after eating Chinese takeout and binge-watching Netflix, the sex and the anticipation of sex could become far too vanilla for him to really be into it.

It’s important to keep spontaneity alive when it comes to your sex lives because he’ll appreciate that much more than a scheduled sex session.

If your boyfriend wants less sex than you, be sure to surprise him in one or another with the promise of something he’s desired but hasn’t yet gotten from you and he’ll appreciate it.

7. Talk to someone together

If it gets to a point where it’s affection your relationship, talking to a counselor together wouldn’t hurt. It will help both of you unload your qualms in a comfortable and supporting environment.

This will give you both the chance to talk it out without it turning into an argument or staying unresolved.

8. Avoid judgment

couple has argued and they are angry now

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, judge your boyfriend or call him names or emasculate him if he wants less sex than you do. This will only make it worse because he will feel as if you are attacking him, judging him and making him feel as though he’s less than a man.

What you have to do is approach the situation with open arms and an open mind so that when he does finally feel like telling you what’s going on, it will be the truth and he won’t be afraid of your reaction.

9. Compromise

Sometimes people just want sex less and sometimes they want more. If your boyfriend wants less sex than you, say once a week, and you would prefer once a day, it’s best that you both come to a compromise.

Relationships that go the distance are always utilizing compromise so if you can come to some sort of middle ground when it comes to your sex lives, both of you will be happy. It doesn’t make you any less desirable and it doesn’t make him any less in love with you.

10. Practice masturbation

If you’re unable to handle without an orgasm for as long as he wants to wait to have sex, practice the art of masturbation. There are toys, vibrators and other things that can be used to pleasure yourself when your boyfriend wants less sex than you.

It’s not as though you’re replacing him, it’s that you’re keeping yourself satisfied until he’s in the mood. You wouldn’t mind if the situation were reversed so he shouldn’t mind either.

11. Don’t take it personally

If your boyfriend wants less sex than you and you’ve talked it out and it has nothing to do with you, don’t take it personally. it’s easy to look in the mirror and think of yourself as undesired but that’s just not the case.

It’s not about you at all, it’s about him and the more you internalize it the worse it will be.

12. Try something new

When all else fails and you’re still not getting what you want, find out what his deepest fantasies are and explore them. Trying something new to spice up your sex life will always help in a situation where your boyfriend wants less sex than you.

It’s important to make sure that you yourself are comfortable with these hidden desires, but trying something new will definitely give your boyfriend to sex push he needs to get back on track.

When it comes to sex, it’s important to remember that although it’s important to your relationship, it’s not the entire thing.

When your boyfriend wants less sex than you, these are just a few of the tips and tricks you can utilize to ensure that your both respected and your relationship doesn’t suffer. Have you ever dated a man that wants less sex than you?

About the author

Angie B.

Angie B. is an avid book reader and dabbler in all things creative. Words are her paramours and she lives to love. Her friends call her their personal therapist and she loves giving advice on relationships, style choices and everything in between.

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