If you couldn't pry your eyes away from the screen, you're probably a lights-off girl, aren't you? Or one of those in the surprisingly large group of women who keep their bras on all night for fear of their men discovering that their boobs flop over onto each other like socks when they sleep on their side.
I knew a woman who refused to spoon with her man for this reason without wearing her bra; said she couldn't sleep otherwise! Well, we all have our eccentric insecurities, but do men really notice them in the same negative light that we do?
That's a rhetorical question woman!
1. Flabby Bits
Some men do suck their guts in initially when they de-robe. But the lengths at which we women go to accentuate our goodies and hide our flaws is sometimes slightly on the crazy side.
One woman I spoke to recently guiltily shared with me the fact that she only ever tries out sex positions in which she can stretch out her body so it looks it's leanest and her breast looks their perkiest.
Doggy-style is a definite no-no for her; breasts and belly hanging down with the pull of gravity – yikes! But your man is behind you… he can't see your breasts or your belly! I protested. Another girl told me she always wears corset-style lingerie to keep everything in. What, for the whole sex session? Absolutely! She said, no budging.
We breathe in, we limit movement, we avoid being touched in certain areas… Do men even notice our flabby bits? He probably can't even see his own d*ck to guide it in between your legs, never mind see the cellulite on your thighs because you have insisted on pitch-black darkness!
Men in general aren't too concerned about whether you have the perfect figure. It's more about what you are doing with your body. If you flaunt your curves in the bedroom like you love them, then your guy's response to these areas are probably going to mimic yours, and he will love them too. It's part of you, and it's you and your attitude that turns him on!
Actually, if you avoid being touched in certain places because you're afraid a guy will get a handful of flab, you might be sending out the wrong signals. He won't automatically realize you are self-conscious of your flaws, because your flaws are the furthest thing from his mind when he is having sex with you; instead he may mistake your actions for you not being in the mood, or worse, think he's doing something wrong.
Insecurity can give off mixed vibes and ruin the mood for both of you – and that would really be a flop!
2. Stretch Marks and Scars
The weirdest thing I have discovered is that guys are attracted to your flaws, especially your permanent ones!
I have two stretch marks on each of the inside of my knees that look like scars. One day a new guy I was seeing was absently tracing them with his fingers during our conversation, and I was so distracted by it that I ended up making up some crazy fictional story about how I acquired these ‘scars' – I was determined he didn't know they were old stretch marks and wonder if I must have had really chubby knees once upon a time.
Turns out, he had absolutely fallen in love with these marks, and the fact that I had invented this absurd story for them just drew his attention to them even more. Do you want to draw your man's attention to your perceived flaws?
I spoke to a married guy whose wife has very noticeable scars from her C Section. He didn't pretend that he doesn't notice them, but said that he loves them because they are a part of who she is and a symbol of what they have created together – awww!
A young girl I spoke to gets tiny marks and scars along her pubic hair line due to shaving and ingrown hairs, which make her self conscious during up-close-and-personal oral sex sessions; she told me that sometimes if she knows her boyfriend wants to go down on her, she will apply make-up down there!
Honey, I really don't think that's where your guy is focusing when he's going down on you, his focus will be a little further south surely?
Men will definitely notice the scars, moles and birthmarks you hate, but not in the ways that you think. They are marks that define you and set you apart from other women. But many marks your man won't even notice, because his attention is firmly directed towards all the things he loves about your body. Most importantly, he is enjoying watching your body react to the things he is doing to you!
3. Feet Vs. Legs
A surprising number of women don't like a man to get too acquainted with their feet, despite the fact that the nerves in your feet have the power to send all sorts of delicious signals to your brain during sex and foreplay.
A good foot massage can put you in a wonderful relaxed and receptive mood for foreplay, but not if you're going to be worrying about what your guy is thinking about the ever-so-slight bunion that you are convinced is forming on your right foot.
I know women who shave their toes, and never go without wearing nail polish because of that ever-so-slightly yellowing big toe nail. One girl couldn't stand even the thought of her boyfriend brushing against the bottom side of her feet in case he felt the rough skin there, and so she took to wearing socks to bed.
Unless your man has a foot fetish he is not likely to notice your hairy toes, yellowing big toe nail or rough heels. Why on earth would he be paying any attention to your feet when you are lying butt naked on the bed? Get some perspective people.
Most of the guys I spoke to on this topic agreed that their attention is usually on a woman's sexy legs anyway!
4. I Hate the Way My Vagina Looks!
Remember that episode in Sex and The City where Charlotte gets a larger-than-life painting done of her vagina? That gallery had a number of amazing abstract paintings of vaginas, did it not? And not one of them looked the same as any other.
Your vagina is unique, and any guy will just be dying to have a look. It's like discovering something new – unwrapping a birthday present. And whether your vagina lips are neat and tidy or loose and lovely, whether the skin is pink and pretty or dark and raw; the fact is that this is the one area your man wants to get acquainted with, because it holds the key to making you scream with pleasure and delight!
I asked a handful of guys what they thought about the visually different types of vagina they have come across in their sexual journeys. One guy looked very confused by my suggestion of ‘difference', he was adamant that his only concern was finding the clit and the hole… okay, I thought.
Another guy expressed that he loves the fact that all vaginas are different because he loves to explore and discover, and it would bore him if every girl was the same and predictable. He likes to be surprised!
Another guy said he is just turned on when a girl is confident enough to open up her legs for him. He said that to him it was less about appearance, what really turns him on is what a girl smells and tastes like – he likes to bury his face into the intimate area and feel the woman squirm with pleasure!
5. The Perfect Body
The perfect body is a body that struts it's stuff with no personal hang-ups.
Why? Because the experience of having sex with a woman who is confident with herself is what a guy is going to take away with him. That experience is going to be raw and inviting, free and fun, experimental and open-minded and basically he's not going to remember exactly what your body looks like because his other senses will have taken over.
The best sex I have ever had was with a guy whose opinion of my body I really didn't care about. I was so comfortable with my body in that relationship, that I allowed myself to feel free enough to experience great sex. It's as simple as that.
So my advice to you is find the things that YOU love about your naked body, and transfer those positive vibes to your lover. His eyes will follow the areas of your body you are proud of, and anything else he notices is only serving to turn him on.