I’m not saying it can happen to anyone, but we’re all human beings with many flaws. Regardless of how much you love your partner and how long you’ve been together, there comes a point in time within any relationship that things start to die down a little bit.
They’re just not the same. The spark may have left and you’re stuck wondering if this is what it’s going to be like forever. Then Prince Charming comes along who seems extremely nice and exciting and your mind starts wandering.
It’s at this stage when you need to reassess your current relationship to figure out if it’s just a phase or if the spark really has left the building for good.
The one thing you want to avoid is getting to the point where you have to admit that “I cheated on my boyfriend”; potentially causing long-term damage to your partner and ultimately breaking his heart.
However, if you’ve already crossed that line and the cat’s out of the bag, then you need to determine whether or not you want to fight for your relationship or move on and make better choices in the future.
Thus, if choosing to stay is the only route you’re willing to take, then there are a few things you’re going to have to do if you plan on winning your boyfriend back.
1. Take full responsibility
You can’t possibly expect your relationship to move forward if you don’t take responsibility for your actions. Saying to yourself that “I cheated on my boyfriend” means you’re taking the first step to owning up to your actions.
There may be certain specific reasons as to why you cheated in the first place, which you will also have to figure out in order to prevent the same thing from happening once again. Although there may be certain things that your boyfriend did that could’ve contributed to the incident, you still need to take responsibility from your side.
2. Give him enough space
It’s extremely important not to bombard your boyfriend with love and affection straight after he’s found out about the infidelity. He’s most likely going to need some space a plenty of time to process what happened; especially if you’ve been together for quite some time. Give him the space that he needs by breaking most contact for a while; until he decides it time to talk it over.
3. Don’t smother him with gifts
The last thing you want to do is shower him with cards and make-up gifts. I know you love him and you don’t want to lose him, and perhaps you think offering gifts in order to show him how much you actually care will win him back. In fact, it may cause the opposite effect. You may end up pushing him away even further.
4. Determine why you cheated
There’s always a reason for anyone’s actions; including yours. It may have happened gradually and before you knew it you were in someone else’s arms. The reason how you ended up there needs to be figured out, though.
It’s one of the most important parts of the healing process; for both yourself and your boyfriend. Maybe you felt lonely or you just got bored with the relationship. Figure it out asap before it happens again.
5. Be honest and open at all times
Telling your boyfriend where you are and where you’re going, as well as with whom, will slowly build trust back up. Prepare yourself, though. He’s going to question your motives. He’s certainly going to question your answers.
At times you may feel like giving up as if you’re never going to be able to win his trust back. Just be patient and know that honesty will turn “I cheated on my boyfriend” into “I regained my boyfriend’s trust back after cheating on him”.
6. Apologize at the right time
You should absolutely apologize a few times. Definitely once he found out and a few times after, but wait for the right times. He’s going to need space and you’re going to need to evaluate why you cheated.
Once he’s ready to accept your apology, he’ll come to you. In the meantime, let him know that you’re willing and ready to talk whenever it’s a good time for him. As much as you want him to forgive you in an instant, you need to respect his wishes and feelings.
7. Be willing to listen to the blame
He’s going to blame you numerous times. He may even blame you for things that weren’t your fault. You need to listen anyway. He’s going to be highly disappointed in you and accuse you of many awful things.
You need to take it anyway. If you want to win your boyfriend back after cheating you need to give him a reasonable time to blame you for it, and you need to accept it when it happens.
8. Listen to what your partner needs
Whether he needs time, space, communication, reasons, details, and even silence, you need to give it to him. There’s always two sides to a story, but in order to fix it, you need to be the one who listens to your boyfriend’s needs and give him what he asks for.
There will be a point in time when he’s going to need to listen to your needs, but in the meantime, accommodate him for all that it’s worth. After all, you are the one in the wrong.
9. Don’t make promises you can’t keep
One of the worst things you can do is make a promise that you’re not sure you can keep. You did break a promise once, remember? The goal is to keep the rest of your promises in order to prevent another “I cheated on my boyfriend” episode. So if you’re unsure of whether or not you can keep a promise to him, avoid making one in the first place. Trust me, it’s not worth it in the end.
10. Show affection, appreciation, and attention
When the time is right, you need to implement the three A’s; affection, appreciation, and attention. Between the two of you, you may have let those three slip along the way of getting comfortable.
Now’s the time to fix all of that if you wish to do so together. Showing appreciation for your boyfriend is highly important in order to build love back up. Followed by affection and attention. Without those three factors in your relationship, it’s doomed to fail once again.
Bonus tip: Decide that you’re going to give your all
The one decision you need to make from the start is that you’re going to give your all in order to fix it. There will be many struggles and you’re going to want to lose hope plenty of times, but you need to stick with it unless he tells you that it’s over. If you love him enough and you believe in your relationship, you need to put in 100% effort. Nothing less.
Remember, you’re not a bad person. You may have made a terrible mistake, but it doesn’t mean you’re an awful person. You’re human. Sure, there could’ve been ways to prevent the actual act of cheating, but you can’t change the past.
All you can do from here onward is to move forward and do the best you can to regain trust. Whether or not you’re going to be able to ‘get back in’ depends on your partner.
So be patient and most importantly, understanding. Also, realize that things may never be the same again. That’s one of the consequences you may possibly have to live with, unfortunately.
The first step to fixing anything is admitting that “I cheated on my boyfriend” and going from there. Don’t be afraid of the consequences as the worst damage has already been done. The only left to do is to move forward. You can do it.