We often don’t realize that our desperate attempts to get him back are actually scaring him off. The question is “How to get a guy back?”, and we want to do it right, we don’t want to keep him using things we shouldn’t. Let’s look at some of the dos and don’ts of getting a guy’s attention.
Let’s be clear, we are not talking about guys that only go after women for one thing, we are talking about quality guys that are going to treat you right, call you back and listen when you talk.
Those are the guys that you can learn from and will learn from you, the ones that will respond to positive behaviors. The good guys can smell insecurity from a mile away and they love strong women, so let’s be strong together.
After you clean up your act, the next step is to evaluate if he’s actually a decent man or if you were attracted to him for all the wrong reasons. If he just builds your ego by complimenting you a lot or conveniently buys you stuff, that relationship doesn’t have a strong foundation and is headed south fast.
If you like a man because he is a good person and you are attracted to him for more than his good looks, that’s another story. We often spend so much time wishing the guy would notice us, but fail to see that he isn’t worth a minute of our time anyway.
So save yourself some trouble and run a thorough mental scan of his intentions and actions before you try to impress him with the things below.
1. Don’t text while drunk
At all costs, avoid the urge to drunk dial or text. People can smell it from a mile away, and it doesn’t make them feel that you’re secure enough. It makes you look like you don’t have the guts to speak honestly sober. Don’t insist that he do things with you and bug him.
If he says no, wait a week and give him some notice ahead of time that something is coming up. Try not to do last minute get-togethers because you want to show him you can follow through with your plans.
Let’s just repeat: don’t communicate with him if you’re intoxicated. It looks sloppy and desperate and is a turn off. Don’t knock on his door or even text his friends to see what he’s doing. Just don’t.
Often the desperate drunken attempts to contact someone are dramatic and you might say embarrassing things that make you look a bit over the top. Make it a point to have your stuff together when you contact him, otherwise he will feel like nothing more than a booty call.
2. Invite him to do things with your friends
Instead of posting pictures with other guys to make him jealous, be nice and invite him to do things with you. If you guys have some common interests, chances are he will want to tag along. Also, group settings are less pressure when people are getting to know each other.
3. Share your accomplishments
I don’t mean you should brag, but instead of sharing every single emotion you have on Facebook, like ‘I’m bored’ or ‘Watching How I Met Your Mother,’ give yourself some credit for the things you work hard to accomplish. It’s ok to share the things you worked hard to complete and it shows you have the ability to follow through with things and that you’re competent.
Social media is such a new thing, we forget that ALL the people we are friends with see what we post and sometimes need to be a bit more selective with our words and photos, if you catch my drift. If all of your pictures are you at a bar making kissy faces, it doesn’t show much diversity in your interests and guys might think you’re just looking to be taken care of. So stop the duck face selfies and delete your old ones.
4. Don’t share negative stuff
If you have a habit of wining about work, other people, or just talking bad about others (i.e. making fun of people) try to notice it. It’s called bad vibes, so if you’re spreading negative juju all day, people really don’t want to be around it.
Guard your words like a protective ninja and think about what you say before you have word vomit attacks and make yourself look stuck up and ungrateful. Hey, we all find ourselves doing this right?
Just remember what it looks like when you see other people being the negative Nancy and try to be positive and encouraging. Focus on the positive and your energy will build and you’ll find that he and others will want to be around you more.
So what should you share? If it’s stuff about your past, do not talk about your ex’s or family drama. Talk about funny stuff, light hearted stuff and don’t do all the talking. Be inquisitive about his life and listen to what he has to say.
Remember what he says to show you have a genuine interest in his wellbeing. Communication is something we all learn and improve upon slowly as we mature; it’s actually much harder and more subtle than we think.
Communicate with positive language as much as humanly possible. If you’re stressed, angry, nervous or anything, this is a time to be extra careful with how you communicate. Try to keep your composure even when your nervous system is wigging out, your hormones are raging during that time of the month or you’re disappointed about something. Always try to stay positive!
5. Be healthy not anorexic
If you think starving yourself is going to attract his attention, your brain is tricking you. Anorexia doesn’t offer that healthy glow and smile that will grab his attention. So drop the Adderall and cigarette diet, get your juicer and vitamix out, and get to the yoga studio.
You need to take care of yourself before you think about having a healthy relationship. We will attract nothing but an unhealthy relationship if we try to crash diet or ‘cheat.’ You honestly can’t be emotionally stable if you don’t take care of your body. It’s pure science ladies.
Scientific studies have shown that what we think men are looking for physically is actually not what they have in mind. Men like healthy women and curves are desirable.
We all have natural body types and when we just get comfortable with our naturally skinny, athletic or curvaceous selves, we will radiate and attract men. Check out my other article called Imperfect Female Body Parts Men Love for more on this subject.
6. Be happy on your own
This is a BIG one. If you are miserable without a companion, you’re not going to attract the right guy.
Find hobbies and interests that you’d actually like to learn about, and it will allow you to have fun interests outside of dating and romance. It’s all about balance, if a guy sees that you have no interests, he’s likely to run the other way.
If he sees you’re passionate about stuff, he’s more likely to be interested. Remember, don’t choose hobbies that you think he would like, choose what you truly like, even if it doesn’t seem that cool.
Do you get anxious when you’re by yourself for more than a few hours? Do you constantly have to be around people? This lack of confidence can lead to clinginess which will drive anyone away whether it’s a potential partner, a friend or a family member. People don’t like to feel like you need them because it gives them a job to do when you’re around instead of them being able to relax.
7. Get a hold of your finances
A girl who spends compulsively is the same as wearing a fluorescent shirt and blinking light that says danger. The guy is going to think you are going to blow right through your money and his after that. Show that you are fiscally responsible by recommending affordable places to dine or even eating in.
Even if you do have the money to spend, don’t flaunt it. Guys are attracted to responsible women, not divas. While it can be funny to talk about shopping therapy, I’ve seen them tear relationships apart because it is a real thing.
Get back to your underlying motivation and write down what is truly important to you. Material possessions like shoes and purses are not going to get his attention any more than painting yourself with glue and feathering yourself.
Make it a point to pay your bills on time and make yourself a budget. Know how much money you have coming in and keep track of how much is going out. If you can speak educatedly about your personal finances it’s an attractive quality to men.
They like that you are careful with your hard earned money and take pride in your careful decision making. If you are still very impulsive, you’ll probably attract an impulsive man, it’s just how the universe works.
8. Don’t throw yourself at men
We’ve all heard this but what does it really mean? It means: take the guy off the pedestal and check to see what he’s made of. Don’t think that just because he has pretty eyes he is a decent human being. We are the ones waiting to let him prove himself to us. It’s important that we have this perspective.
We can’t wish he would like us, chemistry is either there or it isn’t, but throwing ourselves at a man will only scare him away. That means don’t call him if he’s not calling you back. Don’t write him long emails he doesn’t respond to and don’t text him if he’s only giving occasional one word answers.
You don’t need to waste your time if he doesn’t feel excited about the relationship. Just be a good person and if he does come back, it will be for the right reasons, not because you’re pressuring him or coercing him. Nature is natural after all.
9. Dress with class
Posting cute bikini pics online is not going to get his attention. He’s going to be thinking about how everyone else can see you, and that you must be compensating for something or fishing for compliments.
We don’t have to show so much skin to get his attention. Guys like to feel like there are some things reserved for their eyes only, you know? Guys that are looking for a relationship are looking for women that are classy and if you have a bunch of pictures on your Facebook you wouldn’t show to your future mother-in-law, just take them down.
We can be sure that the good guys will appreciate natural beauty and be put off by caked on makeup and skirts that make it impossible to kneel in. Don’t go the other way either, just find a happy healthy medium that you feel beautiful in, but not like you’re grasping for attention.
10. Show kindness
Guys like girls who care about others. If they see you’re just out for yourself, it’s a major turn off. If you volunteer for an animal shelter, sit on a non-profit advisory board, or do anything that contributes positively to the community, it shows you have a heart.
Just be the best person you can be and don’t worry about the rest. If you don’t get his attention by being healthy, intelligent, decent, kind, responsible and self-fulfilled, he’s not worth your time anyway.
The hard part for us is often realizing when we are looking for attention from the wrong guy and letting that go. Ask yourself if he is responsible. Ask yourself if he is shallow. You need to put his intentions and actions to the test just as much as he puts yours against the chopping block.
When you’re leading your life in ways that make you happy, I guarantee you will attract nice men and maybe you’ll find one that is even better than the one who is ignoring you now.
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