10 Reasons to Avoid Casual Sex

Do your relationships seem to be less intimate and more sexual? Are you wondering if you should continue to have casual relationships or look for something more?

I’m a modern woman. I have needs and desires just like every other woman, and sex is definitely one of those needs. I’ve had plenty of meaningful relationships; I’ve had my share of casual relationships as well.

While there’s a lot to be said for having a casual relationship (especially for those of us who have issues with intimacy), casual sex isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be. Here are 10 reasons why you should avoid casual sex.

1. It’s Never REALLY Causal

I know everyone says that you can have casual sex and not feel anything for the guy (and maybe you can), but the truth is it’s never really casual sex. When you have sex with someone, you’re sharing something deep and intimate with that person, you’re sharing a part of you with them. Some say you’re even sharing your aura with them.

Sex, of any kind, always stirs up something deeper. Even if it’s just that blissful moment in the throes of passion, when you have sex it will remain with you, in mind and spirit, for the rest of your life. This is even truer for casual sex with the same person (or “friends with benefits”).

2. You Never Know What Kind of Perv He is

If you’re having casual sex with a stranger you just met, or someone you kind of know (but not really), you have to be wary of what he’s like in bed. You honestly never really know what kind of lover he is until it’s too late.

He could be the kind of lover who is the complete opposite of what you’re looking for. One of my exes told me he’s all kinds of lovers, gentle and caring and yet wild and uninhibited and he likes the idea of “forbidden fruit” (having sex in unique places). I didn’t know him well enough intimately to think otherwise, so I thought that sounded great! In reality, he was a “stay in the bedroom but change different positions as fast and often as you can” kind of guy. In other words, it was awful. You never really know with casual sex.

3. You Will Still Feel Empty Inside

Fashion art portrait of young elegant woman in bed

One of the worst parts about casual sex is that it leaves you empty inside. I remember when sex with my booty call went from “awesome and new” to “empty and meaningless.” I really wasn’t expecting to feel nothing inside during or after sex; we had been having casual sex for a long time, but we became so emotionally unattached that there was a void there.

Sadly, when it comes to casual sex, there will always be that void there.

4. There are Too Many STDs Out There

I make it a rule to have an HIV test every two years or every two lovers (whichever comes first). Sometimes I don’t have a lover for three or four years, and sometimes I get lucky enough to have a couple of lovers a year. It just depends really.

Still, the problem with casual sex is that you never really know who has what when it comes to STDs. Why risk that? Wait to have sex with a guy who will go to the clinic and get tested with you first.

5. Jealousy is Real

If you’re in a casual relationship with a guy for a long time, and one of you begins seeing someone else, there will be some jealousy involved. Even if you’re just jealous that you are no longer getting sex on a regular basis, it’s still there.

My last booty call and I became friends after we had been having sex for a while. I knew he had no romantic feelings towards me, but the sex was always amazing. When he and his ex got back together, I was a little heartbroken. Part of me wondered why he didn’t choose me (which was illogical since I knew he still loved her), but another part of me didn’t want to give him up. I was jealous. It will happen.

6. If There’s a Pregnancy, What Will You Do?

Ask yourself this very important question before you have casual sex with someone.

7. Someone Always Makes it Complicated

Horizontal view of an erotic situation in bed

We get back to that emotional tendency when we share our body with another human being. Yes, no matter who you are, when you have casual sex somebody eventually always makes it complicated. Just like I did with my ex. I didn’t mean to fall for my booty call, I certainly didn’t mean to get jealous of him getting together with his real true love…but I did.

8. When it’s Over You’ll Still be Alone

There’s no way for me to sugarcoat this, so let me put it to you straight. When the sex is over, and he’s put on his pants and walked out the door, you’re going to be all alone. It’s a very horrible feeling. Casual relationships can become something more, but it’s not always going to happen.

9. It Prevents You from Dating Other Guys

When you are casually involved with someone it often prevents you from dating other guys. You think to yourself, “Why should I date someone when I can get great sex whenever I want, without all the complications?”

If you get too wrapped up in your casual sex partner then you’ll stop looking for the love of your life, and then you’ll be in a make-believe trap. Which brings me to the next point.

10. It’s not Real

A relationship of casual sex is not real; it’s fake. You’re never going to be “the one” for this guy; he’ll never love you and care for you; he probably doesn’t even know anything deep about you. Many of us confuse casual sex with love, but it’s not love. It’s not anything real at all. It’s only sex. And that is a very unfulfilling relationship.

Are you in a casual sex relationship? If so, are you being honest with yourself?


About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

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