Sex without Love: Can You Do It or Are You Too Romantic?

Do you feel pressured by your friends to have fun, but you’re not sure if it’s you? Here’s how to ask yourself if you are capable of having sex without love.

There are many different people in the word, and sex means something different to all of us, so if you’re wondering if you can have sex without love, there are some things you really need to ask yourself.

First, let me begin by saying that there’s no “wrong” way of thinking. Sex is experienced differently by everyone. For some, it’s a way of passing time, for others, it’s a way of relieving stress, and for some it’s a matter of enjoying a lustful moment with a complete stranger.

It’s not that way for everyone, though. I, for one, am terrible at sex without love. I’ve done it, sure. I have had one night stands before, but I never enjoyed the way they made me feel. For me, sex is intimate and too personal to be shared with just anyone.

I have friends, though, who don’t feel so strongly about a one night stand. To them, sex has many different sides and it doesn’t always have to be with someone you love.

Honestly, I kind of admire those friends and their freewill thinking. However, if you’re trying to figure out what kind of person you are when it comes to sex, then here are some questions you should start asking yourself.

1. How were you raised?

beautiful couple on the bed

Many people’s sexual views stem from their upbringing. Our parents are the first to really teach us about the birds and the bees, and their ideals often become ours. For example, if you’re taught that sex is bad, then chances are you’re going to feel guilty whenever you have sex without love. If you’re taught that sex is normal and healthy, then your outlook might be a little bit different about sex and love.

2. What are your religious beliefs?

Religion plays a large role in our sexual beliefs. For many people, religion is more important than anything else, and therefore, sex is whatever their religion tells them it is. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Not all religions teach us that sex is dirty, most of them actually say that sex is an expression of love between two married people (which limits your view on one night stands).

3. How do you really feel after a one night stand?

You also need to ask yourself how you really feel after a one night stand. I know ladies and gents who can meet someone at a bar, go home with them, and then come home feeling completely satisfied after sleeping with a total stranger.

If I sleep with someone I’ve known a long time, but am not dating, I still feel weird about it. Prime example, a friend and I had a passionate night very out of the blue once, and although we were very attracted to each other, we both knew we were not going to date (sometimes friends really are just friends). The sex made things awkward for a while, and although I felt good physically afterwards, it just didn’t feel right in my mind.

So, if you feel wrong after a one night stand, then you might not really be made for sex without love.

4. What is your ratio of sex to love?

happy young healthy people couple have good time in their bedroom

You should also figure out what your ratio of sex to love is. Have you always been in love with someone before you had sex with them? How many times have you had sex with someone you loved, versus how many times you had sex with someone you didn’t? If you have had a good amount of sex without love, then you’re probably fine to disassociate sex and love. On the other hand, if you’ve had more love than sex, you’re probably not fine with the idea.

5. Can you be in love without sex?

If you can fall in love with someone without first having sex with them, then you might be able to have sex without love. For many people sex and love are one and the same, and it gets confusing mixing the two. If you can separate love and sex on an emotional level, then you’re probably okay to have a few fun sex relationships without all the guilt.

6. Do you think it’s worth it?

The biggest question you should be asking yourself is if you think it’s worth it? Is it worth it to have sex without love? Is it worth it to spend the night with some man that you might never see again? For me, it usually isn’t. I prefer the intimacy of being in love with the one I’m naked with.

While sex for the sake of sex is fun, and I have had lovers that I was not “in love” with, the idea of a one night stand is not worth it to me, no matter how hot the guy really is.

7. How monogamous are you?

Sexy young couple playing in love games in a bedroom

People who are serial monogamists are more likely to have sex for love, but if you’ve been known to stray once or twice, then it’s often easier to be able to just have sex with someone without all those crazy emotions involved.

Monogamy and cheating are not indicators of whether you’ll be faithful in a relationship, they’re just indicators on how you feel about sex. Also, there’s no right or wrong here, every situation is different and everyone has their beliefs and feelings. I’ve had long relationships where I’ve been completely devoted and monogamous, but I’ve also had relationships where I’ve strayed.

The likelihood of cheating is not associated with whether or not you can have sex without love. Not at all.

8. Have you loved every man you have ever had sex with?

Finally, ask yourself if you’ve always loved every man you have ever had sex with. If the answer is “yes” then you’re probably not cut out for sex without love. If you have fallen in love with just about every guy you’ve done the deed with, then you’re not likely to be able to disassociate sex and love. I have this problem. Once I’ve slept with a man, I’m much more likely to fall for him because I have a hard time separating the two ideas.

For me, sex without love is possible, but it’s certainly not preferable. Know yourself and what you prefer, and then decide if you should have that one night stand.

Like I said, there’s no right or wrong answer here, but the point of sex (whether with or without love) is to feel good, don’t you think?

About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

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