Love 101: How To Get Over A Guy Who Led You On

Many of us will be led on by a guy at some point in our lives. It is a horrible thing to experience, but these tips are here to help you get over him fast.

You think you know someone and where your relationship is going. You spend lots of time with them, doing things couples usually do.

He pays for your meals, tells you about the plans he has for the two of you in the future, and says things to you a person would only be saying to a future girlfriend. You’ve maybe even met his friends and family.

And then, out of the blue, he says those fatal words: I’m not ready for a relationship (or words to that effect).

Those words crush you- I know that because I’ve been there. You have a whole future planned with this guy who you assume will be your boyfriend in the not too distant future, but then it’s unexpectedly taken from you.

When this happens it’s hard to get over them. It’s especially hard to explain to people why you’re so upset as they might not understand why you’re struggling to get over someone you were never officially with in the first place.

Here are some tips to hopefully help you to get over a guy who led you on and move on with your life:

Remind yourself that it wasn’t your fault

how to get over a guy who led you on

There are many reasons why a guy will lead you on, but none of them are because of you. It’s also very easy to pick yourself apart and find all your flaws after any break-up, but especially after one with a guy who led you on.

It’s easy to blame yourself and these flaws for the break-up. Don’t do this. He led you on, and he never had any intention of committing to a full on relationship with you. Nothing about you, and nothing you did actually caused that to happen.

Take as much time as you need before you start looking for someone else

When this happened to me lots of people were telling me to get back into the dating scene, but I wasn’t ready to do that straight away.

Being led on by someone really hurts and can knock your confidence quite a lot. It’s difficult to start trusting others again because you’re scared that it’ll happen again and that you’re being lied to the whole time. Take some time out of the dating scene if you need it.

You can keep a diary (sounds silly, but it works), vent to your girlfriends, or just go it alone and focus on how you feel.

You need time away to breathe, to be alone, to think about what you really want.

Get back on the dating scene

A complete contradiction to the above point but some people find that the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. Make sure you’re doing this for the right reasons, though.

If you’re just desperate to be in a relationship then that isn’t healthy. If, however, putting yourself back out there straight away works best for you, go for it. Only you know how you really feel.

Ignore people who tell you that you should be over it by now

people talking

Like I mentioned above, many people might not understand why you’re struggling to get over somebody who you were never in an official relationship with.

They’ll probably tell you that you shouldn’t need too long to get over it but that’s not true. It doesn’t matter that you never put the label of ‘relationship’ on it, it still felt like one and he made you believe that that’s what it would become, so you still need time to heal.

Just because there wasn’t a label on it doesn’t mean your feelings are not valid.

Spend more time doing the things that you love

When you’ve been led on by someone it makes you very fragile; you start to think it was your fault (even though you shouldn’t- see point one of this list), and you start to wonder if you’re not worthy of love (you absolutely are, by the way).

When you feel like this it is the perfect time to dedicate your time to doing things that you love and that make you happy. Like to write? Spend your free time writing. Like to draw? Go outside and draw your surroundings. Like to make music? Do it!

If you don’t have anything that makes you really happy, take up a new hobby, like learning a language or learning to play an instrument. Throwing yourself into your hobbies is a great way to take your mind off of things and to remind yourself that you are a person worthy of happiness.

This is a period to explore, find yourself and love the most important person—i.e. YOU. Here’s how you can be single and still live a happy life.

Don’t go on his social media


I’m sorry to say but, more often than not, when a guy leads you on and tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, he’s in a relationship with someone else not long after.

Stay away from his social media pages because seeing him and his new girlfriend won’t help you to get over it. Even if he isn’t in a relationship after he ends things with you, chances are you’ll be searching for evidence for a new relationship anyway.

Staying away from his social media (or better yet, unfollowing him) will make you feel much better.

Don’t tell people the real reason it ended if you don’t want to

It can make you feel very embarrassed or humiliated if you get led on by a guy. You’ve told your friends and family that you’re seeing someone new, possibly taking it a bit slowly, but that you’re excited about where it’s going, and now you have to admit to them that all of that isn’t going to happen after all.

It makes you feel a bit silly. It is best to tell the truth in case people find out why it ended further down the line, but if you need to save face a little then you don’t have to tell people the real reason.

You can tell them it was a mutual decision or better yet, you don’t have to talk about it at all. Just tell anybody asking that it’s over but you don’t want to talk about it.

Listen to your feelings

how to get over a guy who led you on

I know I’ve just given you a few tips for getting over a guy who led you on, but, at the end of the day, only you know how to truly feel. This means only you know what you really need in order to get over him.

Stay positive. Get rid of negative thoughts about not being loved or wanted, and consider yourself fortunate to have been given the opportunity to explore and establish yourself, because so many people are unhappy in their relationships.

I hope some of these tips can help some of you who may have been led on by a guy and are now trying to get over him. The main thing to remember is that it isn’t your fault- nothing you have done makes a guy lead you on. Take as much time as you want to heal, and do some things that make you fall back in love with you.

Has anyone got any other tips for getting over a guy who has led you on? Let us know in the comments!

About the author

Emily W

I’m a soon-to-be psychology graduate who’s trying to avoid adulthood at all costs. I spent a summer working and travelling around America, and came home to the UK with a serious case of wanderlust and a bagel addiction. When I’m not writing articles I can be found blogging, planning my next adventure, or reading delicious vegetarian recipes.

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