How to Stop Thinking about Someone: The Psychology of Letting Go

Everyone struggles with letting go sometimes, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and luckily, we have some advice on how to stop thinking about someone.

You need to create an exciting goal that will keep you diligently focused on the future. Here are ways to do just that. Your focus will shift from the past and you will shed the heaviness as you welcome changes into your life that will get you closer to your new vision.

Anger is a double edge sword, and if you’re pointing it at someone, it’s hurting you just as much. Try to keep an open mind so you can forgive and forget. Remember that each of us deserves to live a happy life no matter how much we screw up. We can always refocus our lives and do good things with our time.

Often it is the people with the strongest character that are given the strongest tests. Painful situations allow us to build strength and when we go through these things, we can also relate to other people’s pain that makes us all human. We can lend a hand to someone else when they are down and say, hey I’ve been there and you’ll get through it, because they will.

Emotions are temporary, change is the only constant and it saves us time and time again. By reading the rest of this article, you’ll find out how to stop thinking about someone.

Look forward and anticipate healing

woman on the roof of the building

We are no longer going to let our minds mull over what happened, because it’s no longer a part of our life. You now will envision what it feels like when that weight lifts. Take a deep breath and put the idea inside your mind that every day the hardness will soften a little more, allowing you to be free and move like a dancer in a circus. You are no longer stuck in the mud because you are looking past that.

Envision yourself happy, enjoying life, surrounded by success and people you love. See yourself smiling, radiating and loving every single moment. You can have the life you dreamed of, it’s a choice. Choose to be happy, write those affirmations down, and create inspiration to remind you of your commitment to positive thinking in your car, your kitchen, your bathroom and your office.

You can overcome and you can enjoy life, because it’s a choice. You are not being pushed around by fate; you’re creating it, so make it beautiful.

Throw old items out and get a new look

That feeling of heaviness is hard to shake for sure, but keeping things around that remind you of your experience with him doesn’t make it easier. Get a big trash bag and throw stuff out so your environment isn’t triggering you to keep him in your thoughts. You don’t need memories that will just make you sad and lonely, focus on making everything comfortable for yourself.

Now comes the fun part! Get out and freshen up your look. Get some new clothes, something different, a new perfume, maybe a new pair of boots, and maybe even a new hair style. You don’t have to spend a fortune if you’re on a budget; you can score big at thrift stores.

Retell the story in lighter terms

If you’re holding on to guilt or anger, figure out which one it is, and then retell the story by putting the people (you and him) into context. You were in a situation that didn’t pan out well. It happens, and if you hold on to it forever, you’ll never be happy. If you accept that you both were confused and things just sometimes don’t go well, suddenly you see each other as human.

Instead of pointing your finger at him for making you miserable, you realize, being human is hard at times and it’s time to move on. Maybe tell yourself that both of you didn’t have the genius to make all your problems magically disappear and you did your best. Give stress some credit for how things went down and flush the rest down the toilet. You are now ready to move on.

Here is an example. Let’s say you did something you feel terrible about and you can’t let it go because you feel like people are still judging you. You’re taking all the blame and it’s keeping you up at night. You think these people really hate you.

Now it’s time to retell the story. You think those people you’re so worried about judging you have never done something they aren’t proud of? You’re not that special dear, everyone regrets stupid stuff they have done, but the ability to forgive yourself is now called to the table. Say: hey you didn’t do things right that time, but next time you’ll have that experience to guide your decision making process, now you are more mature, you learned from it and it’s behind you.

You are strong, you are capable and you are kind. You didn’t mean to do it, and there were factors that influenced things that you didn’t see at the time. That’s it, and you now realize it wasn’t all your fault.

Every situation involves more than one person, and you can never blame yourself completely. Don’t punish yourself more than you need to. Slap yourself on the wrist and keep on walking. You’ve done far more kind things in your life than that one lousy thing, and you certainly aren’t going to define who you are by one action.

How to stop thinking about someone? Stay busy!

best friends on the street

If you sit around eating pizza, watching reruns of friends, you’re going to stay stuck. Start a new hobby, plan things, join groups, invite your friends over, have some new experiences.

Make sure you make a list of goals and start making a strategy to accomplish them. This will fuel you with some very positive and hopeful feelings based in reality. No longer will you be going over delusional stories of the past that no longer matters.

Get a day planner and get busy, you’ve got a life ahead of you.

Think of 12 things you’re grateful for

The brain is pretty simple in a certain sense. It can only hold one conscious thought at a time, which means we have the ability to control the input and focus on positive thoughts, one at a time. One simple technique is to focus on gratitude. This theme is plastered all over yoga studios for a reason, it actually works.

Once you’ve thought of twelve things you’re grateful for, the effort it took to think of all twelve will simultaneously distract you from thinking about your past lover.

Think about the simple things you have that other people don’t: a job, a home, food, a bed, the ability to speak and friends who care about you. See, it puts things into context and reminds you that your life isn’t bad at all, it’s actually pretty freaking awesome.

Get a new hobby

And now it’s time for the ultimate technique: to immerse yourself in something new. Choose something you really want to learn about and get every magazine, book and movie you can to start learning about it. Maybe you want to start writing, doing yoga or making your own hygiene products. Maybe you want to decorate your home in a new style or you want to up your fashion game.

Whatever it is, research all about it, so you get good at it. This will not only exercise a new part of your brain and get it making some new neural pathways; it will push out the past. You will build confidence as you build a new identity of sorts with your new hobby. Shed the sorrows of yesteryear and seek the pleasures of today.

Volunteer for something

The victim mentality is a dead end. If you’re sitting around feeling sorry for yourself because someone wronged you, you’re really shooting yourself in the foot. Stop looking for a pity party and go out and do things for other people. The only way over this hump is to be selfless and be a good person. Positive trumps negative every time.

Give yourself a deadline

girl reading book at home

That new hobby you picked up, what is the goal you can set for yourself? Do you want to lose 10 pounds in two weeks? Better get to work. Do you want to visit France in a month? Better get planning and saving!

Give yourself a date that you need to accomplish things by to get your butt in gear. This is a technique to get yourself invested emotionally and financially. You will not have time to do much else, and that is exactly what you need to get over someone.

You don’t need to go out and find another man; you need to build your empire. You need to rebuild the walls of your city, so that when you do let someone in, you’re ready. Don’t go searching for Mr. Perfect, make your own life awesome, and work on your happiness from within.

Recognize your ego

The number one reason we have trouble letting go of guys is because our ego tells us we are important, and if we win him back we will be satisfied. Is he really that great or is your ego just hurting? Did you get rejected and it stings? All the more reason to go back to the drawing board, have a candid board meeting with yourself, and think about what you can improve.

Your battle tactics need to be to strengthen your army, not invade the enemy. What does that mean? Stop calling him, stop texting him, stop watching his status updates on Facebook.

Let go of the need to be right

Maybe you’re angry about an argument where you were hurt by his words or he misunderstood your actions. Sometimes this happens, but it doesn’t need to be righted and you don’t need to force an apology. You just need to file that as case closed and open a new chapter of awesomeness in your life.

Fill your life with positive people and focus on making your life great. Plan on doing special things for other people on their birthdays and holidays, take the focus away from the ‘woe is me’ attitude, put on your big girl boots and kick some female tail.

Maybe that relationship was holding you back from your personal dreams, now you can pursue them full-fledged. Find the silver lining now that your time is freed up. You don’t need any man to have an awesome life, and you might meet a better one now that the other guy is gone.

Surround yourself with change

When our brain is stuck in the past, we aren’t able to put one foot in front of the other and move on. Here are simple ways to invite exciting change into your life. First of all, redecorate. Give your environment new colors, new smells and new artistic inspiration. Secondly, consider if you want to change jobs or homes. Sometimes moving on literally means moving away.

You can’t do everything the same if you want to retrain your brain. Don’t keep eating the exact same food and playing the same songs. Upgrade your life so it shines, and you’re excited about the prospects of what you’re working towards. Nothing is holding you back when you shift your focus on positive change.

If I could list one thing that has helped me let go of things I needed to more than anything else, it’s yoga. Yoga allows you to be fully present. When you’re balancing on one leg and trying not to let your face hit the ground, you have to be present.

Yoga is a perfect example of how the brain works. When all of your focus is on something, you can’t think about anything else.

If you go to yoga every day, you will not only get the endorphin release that will give you more positive emotions, you will start to have new experiences and interactions with people that will get your life moving forward. You will be taking care of yourself in a positive way that builds your self-esteem and your energy.

We would love to hear your comments about what has worked for you below. We hope you find the articles on YouQueen empowering, so you can be your most positive and radiant self every moment of every day.

About the author

Shannon Y.

Shannon is a contortionist and yoga teacher that loves to inspire people to lead empowered and healthy lives. She writes practical advice for health and gives real world insights to empower women emotionally.

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