In Bed

A Complete Analysis Of The Male Sexual Psyche: Find Out What He Really Thinks About Women And Sex!

20 tips and insights to help you get into the mind of your man. Find out what he really thinks about women and sex!

Do you crave to know what really turns a man on? Have you ever wondered what he really thinks about you in the bedroom? Are the workings of a man’s mind a complete mystery to you? Does it keep you up at night?

Okay, so perhaps that last one is a bit extreme, but I bet there are many of you, who are reading this and thinking that it might actually help to you to sleep better at night knowing that you know exactly how to satisfy your man! Or perhaps your aim is not to be sleeping at all – when there are plenty of other sexy things you could be getting up to instead?

So if you have ever found yourself lying next to your boyfriend at night, quietly wondering what he might think of you if you pounced on him unannounced to have your wicked way, read these tips and insights to find out what is really going on in his head when he is lying next to you in bed, sitting in front of you at the dinner table, or staring at you from across the bar….

#1 He Has A Filthy Mind, But A Fleeting Memory

Beautiful young couple with glasses of wine in luxury interior

If you catch a guy staring at you, the chances are he is either thinking of something completely random, like something he wants to fix, eat or play with; or, yes you guessed it, he is thinking about sex!

I’m afraid it is one hundred per cent true – men do think of sex every 6 seconds. No, actually that’s a lie – they probably think about sex every 3 seconds. Basically, they think about it a lot. But not in the way that you or I might think about sex.

To a man, thinking about sex is more like having a random flicker of thought pass through his mind like seeing a fancy car driving past on the road; but once it has passed, then his attention will move on to the next thing. Only if it is a fancy car, the thought of it is more likely to linger in his head a little longer.

The great thing about knowing this, is that the next time a hot woman walks by and you catch your man’s eye absently follow her round ass as it struts by in it’s tight attire, you don’t have to feel in the slightest bit threatened or insulted.

Remember: Men may think about sex much more frequently than women, but that doesn’t make them sex maniacs or perverts. They might think of ‘sex’ but not always in a ‘sexual’ way! Thinking about sex doesn’t necessarily mean a guy is in a constant state of arousal.

If your insecurities are pushing your boyfriend away, you can find out how to stop being jealous and create a trust-based relationship here.

#2 If You Want Sex, Take Advantage Of His One-track Mind…

Men tend to focus on what is in front of them right then and there. This means that if you want some intimacy but start talking to him about how stressful your day has been, he will probably just zone out, because the day has already passed and his brain is now telling him that other things are happening that need paying attention to – like the burger on his plate, the waitress who just gave him his change, or the crime show on the telly.

If you want his attention, you have to make it relevant, and interact with him in the here and now! Since men involuntarily focus a high percentage of their attention on sex, it seems to make sense to me to be the sexual stimulation, and get your attention that way. I’m talking about putting sex in front of him ladies – he is not going to say no!

Do not expect a man to take any notice of subtle hints. If you want some sexual attention, just take it! Give him a visual trigger and follow through with something physical. For example, show him some skin, and then reel him in with a purposeful snog, take his hand and lead him up to the bedroom.

Warning: Don’t expect him to then be up for talking about your problems after sex. He will only want to sleep. If you want his moral support then you really need to find out more about how his mind works in relationships, and you’re reading the wrong guide – you want my other guide – A Complete Analysis of the Male Romantic Psyche: Find out what he really thinks about women & relationships.

#3 It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Man In The Mood For Sex

Women tend to think they have to go to great lengths to seduce a guy when they want to sleep with him for the first time, but the truth is, men don’t really need seducing! They don’t mind it of course, but there’s no need for you to get so stressed out about what to wear, what to cook, what new underwear to buy, or whether to make the first move and how.

When you read articles in women’s magazines on how to seduce a guy, and the reason I know this is because I have written many myself, the information you read is more for your benefit and to get you in the right mood than seducing your man. All that sexy prep work you do is about building your own confidence, and preparing yourself to have a great time – because any man will enjoy himself if he can see that you are!

All a man really needs in the way of seduction is to see you unhooking your bra in the evening – immediately his brain will prime him for sex and he will be ready to go! Even a simple kiss will get him in the mood to go all the way. I used to go out with a guy who I actually had to avoid kissing unless I wanted to have sex, because a kiss to him meant a full-on, hardcore sex session. Sometimes, all you want is a kiss though!

#4 A Woman Who Knows What She Wants Is The Biggest Turn On For A Man

Horizontal view of a sexual intercourse in bed

When a woman has the confidence to ask for what she wants or describe how she wants a man to turn her on, any guy will be eager to get on the mission immediately, because he hasn’t had to use any brain power at all, and he is being invited to enjoy himself. It is like colour by numbers for him!

Sometimes the thought of seducing and giving pleasure to a woman can be so intimidating to a man that the stress can ruin the whole experience for him if he is too nervous or uncertain. Men have a reputation for thinking about sex all the time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are all experts when it comes down to actually putting their fantasies into action.

When you take control and tell him what you want, suddenly he realises that he can relax and enjoy himself while you direct him. It doesn’t mean that you have to go all dominatrix on him though – no need for a whip and pvc bra. Taking control can be as simple as calling him up at work at the end of the day, and telling him that you want him right now! Then arrange yourself on the bed and wait for him to come home and do the rest. Simple.

#5 Men Really Want A Woman Who Knows How To Turn Herself On!

I don’t know about you, but I often find that my boyfriend approaches me when he is in the mood for sex (and you can always sense it), but I am usually not really in the mood at all – at least not immediately – and that can put us both off.

It is actually quite common for women not to be in the mood for sex when their partners are, and this is because it takes a woman a lot longer to get turned on than it does a man. If you haven’t instigated the sex, or you didn’t anticipate it, then it is natural for you to either feel reluctant to get involved because you know you need some warming up; and perhaps you also know from experience that your guy doesn’t put enough effort into foreplay to get you in the mood too, because he is already turned on and raring to go!

The truth is that men secretly wish that women could effectively turn themselves on, and whilst that might seem extremely selfish, they actually have a valid point! Arousal and a great sexual experience can only happen if you are both fully turned on and in the zone. What is the point in having reluctant, mediocre or standard sex just to please him, when you could be having amazing sex and enjoying intense orgasms yourself?

It isn’t difficult to turn yourself on either! All you have to do is use your imagination. When you team any physical stimulation you are receiving up with your own self-initiated mental stimulation, you can get aroused far more quickly. Don’t be afraid to fantasise! Often women forget that they can use their own imaginations during sex to get themselves in the mood because they are so familiar with their partners and their sexual routine.

Play an active part in your own arousal and you will soon be enjoying a much more superior level of pleasure with your boyfriend. Explore your own secret sexual fantasies with this erotic books that will stimulate your mind!

#6 All Men Want To Watch You Pleasure Yourself

All of the men I have come across have expressed a pleasure in taking part in voyeuristic sexual play. What do I mean by this?

  • Peeking at a woman getting dressed or undressed
  • Spying on a woman having a shower
  • Watching other couples have sex (usually via porn)
  • Observing sexual activity in reflections (mirrors or through windows)
  • Recording and watching themselves having sex with a woman
  • Watching a woman masturbate

The fact is that men are turned on by what they see. They also get pleasure from witnessing sexual activities that are meant to be private.

Masturbating in front of your man can be a useful way to educate them in pleasuring you. You can show them how you like to be touched, and what rhythm, speed and pressure works best for you. The more a man watches you pleasure yourself, the more ‘visual material’ he will be storing in his memory, too, so you can feel secure knowing that you are the main woman who stars in all of his secret fantasies!

Find out how to get a guy to masturbate you the way you like it!

#7 He Wants You To Pounce On Him!

Nothing will turn a man on more than if you give him spontaneous sex that seems to have come out of nowhere! It will be such a surprise that you will get his adrenaline pumping hard, and the experience will stick in his memory for a very long time.

Men always tend to make the first move, especially those in long-term relationships. I don’t know why women seem to get sexually lazy when they get used to a guy. I suppose we forget that men think about sex a lot more than we do, and we place more priority on other things – like romance, cuddles, having a laugh, and spending quality time together.

What a man really wants though is for you to be so overwhelmed with sexual desire for him, that you can’t hold yourself back. He wants to be sexually devoured by you – at least every once in a while – so why not give him that pleasure? Show him how attracted you are to him, and you might even find that your own libido is significantly increased. This is because you are focusing your attention on your own sexual arousal, which I guess can be viewed like a muscle – the more you work it, the more it works for you.

Here are 7 ways you can really heat up your sex life!

#8 Every Man Craves A Naughty Girl!

Sensual beautiful blonde woman with slim perfect body

You don’t have to actually be a naughty girl; in fact it works even better when you are not because then when you do go against the grain of your natural personality, it seems even naughtier!

A naughty girl is a woman who really enjoys and gets fully involved in sexual exploits. A man will see you as naughty, for example, if you thoroughly and genuinely enjoy going down on him! It is a sense of uninhibited sexual pleasure and exploration that gives you that naughty girl status. Men love women who don’t hold back, and who know what they like or aren’t afraid to try new things.

When you mix it with a dash of I’m also a good girl, it can be very potent because your guy will get pleasure from knowing that he is the only one who gets to enjoy your naughty side. He may also get pleasure from imagining that he is corrupting you, or that your desire for him is so strong that you just can’t help yourself.

If you show your guy your inner naughty girl, he will think he has struck gold. Find out more about how to excite your boyfriend by being a bad girl, because life is too short to be a good girl in the bedroom!

#9 Sometimes A Man Just Wants To Lie On His Back And Do Nothing

Because men so often take the lead during sex, it is a common secret wish amongst men that their girlfriends will not only take the initiative to instigate sex, but also do all of the hard work whilst they lie on their backs and enjoy what you have to offer!

It is a good idea to keep a healthy balance in relationships and make sure that you are doing your fair share in the bedroom – you wouldn’t want your boyfriend to get bored now, would you?

But be warned – when a guy finds out that his girlfriend is awesome when she is on top, he may start making less effort and fall back on the woman-on-top sex position because it suits him. Variety is what will keep your sex life in good shape, but it doesn’t hurt to answer a guy’s secret wishes every now and then – especially if you like it!

Being on top has many pleasurable benefits for women. Find out more about how to master the woman-on-top-sex position.

#10 He Secretly Wishes You Would Drop Hints

All men want is to know what their women want from them, but for some reason we make it as difficult as possible for our boyfriends to have any idea what our needs actually are. There is one simple solution to this problem though – tell your boyfriend what you’d like him to do! Or at least drop some unsubtle hints.

Yes, that’s right – unsubtle! He doesn’t want to waste precious time figuring out all of your weird, female-coded messages; he wants to get straight to the point so that everybody is happy.

So make sounds that show him you’re enjoying yourself during foreplay, tell him to “do it again” if something is working, or give him specific directions when its not, like “Oh yeah, a bit lower, yes right there, oh God!”

Not only does it let your guy learn exactly how to pleasure you, but it also makes him feel great! He is the man – he knows how to satisfy his woman! Never be afraid to drop hints in your relationship. A little positive guidance goes much further than criticism, sulking or nagging.

However, it is easy to become complacent in long-term relationships and lose the sexual communication.

#11 What He Thinks About When He Goes Down On You

Generally, when a guy goes down on a woman his thought process is no different to his everyday thought process – that is, it is completely random! Some of his thoughts will be fuelled by his own insecurities, for example, he may think about whether he is doing it right, he may wonder what you’re thinking, if you’re enjoying yourself, and whether or not you are looking at him or whether your eyes are closed. If your eyes are closed he may worry that you are falling asleep, if you are looking at him he may wonder if you are expecting more, or something else.

Hopefully he will be paying close attention to your body language, and his focus will be on reading it so he can bring you to your climax, but that doesn’t mean he won’t also have a song going through his head and be desperately trying to remember who the band was!

Note: He’s probably not thinking about how disgusting oral sex is – many women worry that their boyfriends don’t enjoy going down on them. If a guy doesn’t like doing something, he’s probably just not going to do it. He won’t put himself through an experience he is enjoying on some level – especially a sexual one.

Find out how to get your guy to go down on you if he hasn’t gone south yet!

#12 Apparently Sex Is About Power

Of course, it’s about lots of other things too, like love and caring and romance and intimacy – but when it really comes down to it, what gets a man off most about having great sex with a woman is the fact that it is an amazing power trip.

I’m not talking about power in a weird control freak, or aggressive way though. Men just want to give a woman so much pleasure that she literally loses control of herself during sex! And the appeal is the fact that he was the one who took that control away from her by being amazing in bed.

It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. When you orgasm, a man gets his kicks by feeling like “the man”. It’s a silly, macho thing, but there you go. It’s not because he wants to control you or have control over you, or anything sinister like that. He literally just feels more like a man if he knows he can satisfy his woman, to the extent of her trusting him enough to lose control. It’s a massive ego boost, and it makes him feel closer to her.

So the next time you have mind-blowing sex, don’t be afraid to lose yourself in the moment, because you will be giving your lover a big pay-off!

Experience the power trip yourself by finding out how to turn him on in less than a few seconds.

#13 Some Men Don’t Enjoy Being On Top

Young couple in fashion poses

Have you ever been having sex with a guy on top, and noticed that he doesn’t really seem to be that into it, and you end up wondering what he is thinking about or if he is bored? I had this problem for a while, and it was very distracting! I could understand it, because as soon as we switched and I went on top, suddenly he came to life, his eyes would light up and he looked like he was having a much better time.

I started to worry that I just didn’t look very sexy when I was lying down on my back. Maybe my boobs were too flat, or my hips and ass spread out to the side making me look like an elephant? I always tried to participate as much as possible when I was on the bottom by grinding my hips and clenching my PC muscles as much as I could to give him more pleasure, but he still he just looked bored and robotic.

Then one day it suddenly all clicked into place, and I realised what the real problem was. The guy was just unfit! Being on top meant he had to work harder, and instead of focusing on the pleasure of having sex, he was just concentrating on trying to keep going without collapsing in a heap on top of me! Poor guy.

So if you suspect that your guy is having trouble being on top because he is overweight or unfit, try out some new positions. Why not use the opportunity to use sex to keep your self in tip-top condition, with these sex positions?

#14 What Do Men Think About Condoms?

Do they like condoms? Does anybody really like condoms? Many men associate condoms with a stream of possible things that can go wrong and ruin sex. Put simply – condoms are stressful.

Yes, wearing a condom means that there is less chance of a guy getting a girl pregnant, which is often another major stress factor for men during sex, but condoms also split, and they come off, and they get in the way and ruin the general flow.

Men worry that putting a condom on might be such a faff that they might end up losing their erection. Often they have to deal with putting a condom on in the dark with bed sheets getting in the way, and they worry about tearing it in the process. They worry that if the condom comes off during sex, not only might the girl get pregnant, but she might also think he lost his erection – embarrassing – or worse, that his penis was too small and that the condom didn’t fit properly!  And then, of course, there is the ordeal of removing the condom afterwards, and disposing of it without the girl seeing anything.

Some couples don’t use condoms at all. Do you ever wonder if you don’t use a condom during sex, oral sex or manual stimulation, where your man’s ejaculate should go?

#15 What Do Guys Want To Do Straight After Sex?

Every guy is different. Women assume that men just want to go to sleep when they have had sex, and in many cases this is true. Being in such a relaxed state can do that to you! But some men may have a sudden appetite and want to eat lots and lots of food; some men may want to go again pretty soon after they have finished; and where there are those do actually enjoy spooning with their girlfriend after sex, there are also those who prefer to roll over and have some physical space.

And it doesn’t have to be the same thing every time either. Pay attention to your own partner’s behaviour and see if you notice any patterns. Men’s behaviour after sex isn’t universal. No matter how many magazine articles you read that tell you men just want to sleep after sex, different men like different things.

I’ll tell you one thing men aren’t so keen on doing straight after sex though – they aren’t eager to participate in the immediate and frenzied post-coital clean-up that many women feel is the first thing on the agenda after a messy sex session!

Find out more about the myths and facts of cuddling after sex here.

#16 Do All Men Want Anal Sex?

The answer to this question is a very definite no! Though men may be curious and want to try it at least once, the curiosity certainly doesn’t apply to all men. There are men who are totally turned off by the idea of anal sex. Guys are usually either really into it, open-minded, or completely anti-anal.

Men who have never tried it have the same insecurities as women. They worry about hygiene, they worry about whether they are going to hurt the girl, they worry about infections, and they worry about whether the girl is enjoying herself or hating it.

You should always approach a new experience like this with caution. Never jump straight in with a guy unless you know he is up for it. Men like surprises, but not all kinds of surprises. It is also very important to make sure that your man is either experienced or well informed, because anal sex is very different to ordinary sex.

Find out how to introduce your guy to anal sex if he is not that into the idea here.

#17 Does He Notice Your Stretch Marks And Podgy Belly During Sex?

The truth is that if you have gone out of your way to make your insecurities known, then yes, he probably has noticed your flaws; but only if you have actually mentioned them yourself, in which case his observations are merely mirroring your own. If you haven’t mentioned a thing about your wobbly bits, it is very unlikely to be a priority for him – he is, after all, about to have sex with a woman!

When a man is about to have sex with a woman, his main thoughts are going to be revolving around the physical act of sex. He will be thinking about reaching his own climax, and you reaching your climax. He may have a few of his own insecurities to worry about like the possible embarrassment of losing his erection or not being able to give you enough pleasure; but your insecurities and body anxieties will be the furthest from his mind – unless of course you have made a big deal and brought his attention directly to your extra podge, and the orange peel on your thighs!

Ask yourself this – are you thinking about his insecurities during sex? Probably not! And if he brought your attention to what they are, you would probably think he was overreacting, because his issues don’t seem much like issues he needs to be worrying about to you.

If you are wondering what sort of insecurities men might have about sex or their bodies, you might be interested to know about these 8 insecurities your man may have!

#18 Do Men Prefer Smaller Or Larger Women In The Bedroom?

four female bodies

Every man will have his own personal preference as to whether he likes his ladies to be large or petite, but often the attraction has more to do with how confident the woman is in her own body. This means that a man who is generally drawn to women who are more slight won’t necessarily be put off by a woman who is more on the hefty side if she is confident about her own body. In fact, men often comment that they end up having the best sex with women who aren’t necessarily their “type” simply because it felt better with that person for who she was rather than what she looked like.

Does this mean that you shouldn’t worry about keeping your body in shape? Not exactly! A woman who is fit and healthy will not only be more confident about her body in the bedroom, but she is also more likely to play a more active role during sex and be able to keep up.

Did you know? Many men say they prefer to have sex with women who have more meat on them as opposed to very slight women, and that the reason has less to do with what the woman looks like or whether she is sexy, and more to do with the fact that the more fat a woman has on her, the more comfortable sex feels, and the more a man has to thrust against!

Here are 8 things guys notice when you get naked.

#19 What Do Men Really Think About waiting To Have Sex With A Woman?

The truth is that it really does depend on whether the guy likes the girl enough to wait, and also what he is looking for in the first place. A man who is not looking for any kind of commitment, and who just wants to have some fun, won’t enjoy not achieving his goal of sleeping with a girl, especially if the girl has displayed behaviour which suggests she is also up for some fun, but then holds back. This will only make a guy feel cheated and frustrated.

Men do not like to be teased. Being a tease and ‘holding out’ are two very different things, and a woman’s overall behaviour on dates should reflect the difference, and be able to tell the man what she wants from him.

If you flirt in a sexually suggestive manner on a date, then you are giving the guy a very clear message that you want to have sex with him. So when at the crucial moment you decide that you don’t want to have sex after all, it doesn’t make him want to chase you, it makes him frustrated, because it is like giving with one hand and then taking back with the other. It’s mean!

On the other hand, if you lay out your boundaries from the start and he understands that you are not the sort of girl who will jump straight into bed with him, he will expect you to hold back, and actually feel cheated if you don’t, because then you have robbed him of the challenge.

#20 Can Men And Women Really Be Just Friends?

Finally, in our analysis of the male sexual psyche, let’s take a quick look at platonic friendships and ask whether or not it is realistic to want to be just friends with a guy.

As far as I can see, there is no reason why any woman should not have the right to expect a man to accept a platonic friendship with her if she has set out clear boundaries from the start. Of course, this won’t stop a guy from having sexual thoughts about her; it is not unusual for a guy to imagine having sex with any or every single woman he meets whether he finds her attractive or not!

There are some arrogant men who will insist that platonic friendships with women are based on false ground because underneath it they would definitely sleep with them. There are also men who have plenty of platonic female friends, and respect them, and would never cross the sexual boundary, or even take advantage if a female friend was incredibly drunk or in need of comforting.

At the end of the day, it isn’t fair to assume that all men think and feel the same way. It is also unrealistic to say that a man will have sexual thoughts about a woman just because she is attractive – even very sexy women don’t turn on certain men, because attraction and arousal is a very personal and individual thing.

Male-female friendships can however be challenging at times, but here are some tips for overcoming these challenges.

I hope you have enjoyed finding out what men really think about women and sex. If you are interested in finding out more about what men really think, then you also read my complete analysis of the male romantic psyche to find out about what he really thinks about women and relationships.

Have questions? Ask anything in the comment section below!

About the author

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Scarlett Robinson

I am inspired by the ways people interact. Human behaviour and emotions are wonderfully complex, and I want to dig deeper and understand more. This is why I explore intimate relationships in my writing. (I’m also ever so slightly kinky.)

3 Comments

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  • Woah. Did you SERIOUSLY just imply to women (especially young women considering the tone of most articles on this site) that they should even CONSIDER not using a condom because the man doesn’t like it or stresses out about using it? That’s kind of horribly irresponsible. You know what both people will stress out about and not like? Unexpected pregnancy and STDs. You know what your next partner will get really turned off by and be thinking about the next time he goes down on you? The weeping sores on your genitals you got from having unprotected sex with your last partner.

  • No 3;4;5 and 9 are incorrect
    i dont like watching girls masturbate, guys cant get in the mood again

  • I can go for alot longer than 3 OR 6 without thinking about sex both of those are myths, just because I am male doesn’t mean I want to have sex or see a random women naked.