iThere comes a point in every woman’s life when she just can’t seem to get off and starts asking herself “Why can’t I orgasm?” Maybe you’re just not getting off when you’re with your man, or maybe you’re not able to climax even when you’re masturbating. It happens to all of us at some point or another.
Does it mean there’s something wrong with you? Well, yes and no.
No, there’s probably nothing wrong with you sexually. However, there could be something wrong on another level, an emotional level, which you’re not recognizing as part of the problem.
1. You’re thinking about work
One reason we have trouble having an orgasm is that we are too busy thinking about our jobs. While we might try our hardest not to bring work home with us, there are times when we just can’t get it out of our heads.
Sometimes it’s not even our day job, sometimes we’re too busy thinking about million things, different problems. Or, wondering what to cook for dinner, and all the other mundane things that happen in everyday life to really enjoy sex. Thinking about work can really put a stop to your orgasm (or any other kind of fun for that matter).
2. Your family is making you crazy
Another reason we can’t get enjoyment out of sex has to do with the people around us. Is your mom driving you crazy trying to tell you how to live your life? Are your friends acting like you don’t even exist? Is it the holidays again?
The problem with people is that they inadvertently interrupt our sex life, and that can be a real problem when you’re trying to have an orgasm. It’s time to step away from the family and turn off your phone for a few days so you can get your groove back on.
3. You have kids
If you have children, then you already know how hard it is to find a free moment for sex, let alone an orgasm. Do yourself a favor and send the kids to grandma’s for a night so you and your guy can get your freak on.
It’s hard to have an orgasm when you’re afraid the kids will hear you, or even worse, walk in on you having sex in the middle of the night. That’s life, it happens, but every woman needs time to be a woman and not just a mom.
4. Money issues
One of the biggest problems in many relationships is money. Usually, you don’t have enough money and that causes financial strain, which leads to arguments, which leads to no sex, which means you don’t orgasm. When you learn to put away your financial problems, even just for a moment, you’ll get back into the habit of love-making and having orgasms again.
5. You’re depressed
If you’re suffering from any kind of depression, or you have the blues, then it can be very difficult to have an orgasm. It’s hard enough trying to enjoy daily activities, but trying to enjoy sex becomes a task. If you’re suffering from depression, seek help for your state of mind first, worry about your sex life later.
6. You don’t feel attractive
Another one of the most common reasons you’re not having an orgasm is that you don’t feel sexy. If you don’t feel like you’re attractive, then you aren’t going to want to have sex, and if you do have sex, you’ll feel too self-conscious to have an orgasm.
I have a few extra pounds, and there are times when I feel very unattractive because some guys have pointed it out to me as a flaw. When I was skinny, I felt unattractive because I had no figure and felt awkward.
Want a quick fix? Put on your make-up, go to a bar, and let the bartender flirt with you. I’m serious, this is the quickest way to feel attractive again.
By the way, there are LOTS of men who prefer women who have a few extra pounds, just like there are lots of men who prefer slender and waif, so never think you’re too heavy or too skinny or too anything…you ARE someone’s type. You really are.
7. You’re not emotionally satisfied
It’s hard to get off when you’re not emotionally satisfied. I’ll be honest, I’ve never been all that comfortable with casual sex, but there are times when a booty call is a great stress relief. However, I had my best orgasms when I was in love.
When I was in a relationship with someone I loved, but the love faded (you know, the breaking point of a relationship), I couldn’t orgasm at all. Our minds impact our bodies in unbelievable ways, so if you’re not happy and not being emotionally fulfilled, then your sex life could really be affected by that.
8. He no longer excites you
This is similar to not being emotionally fulfilled. We usually lose sexual interest in our partner when we’re not emotionally satisfied, but there are times when we just aren’t into our partner anymore for any number of other reasons. If he no longer turns you on, then you’re not going to get off.
9. You’re stuck in a rut
Are you having the same old boring sex every night? Yeah, that’s a problem. Listen, if you’re having routine sex (sex on a set schedule due to work or kids), or your guy is all about the missionary position, then you’re stuck in a rut. Spice things up a bit in bed, make it fun again, and make it exciting again! Sex should be fun and exciting!
10. He’s not doing it right
Finally, there’s a good chance you’re not getting off because he’s bad in bed. I’ve had this problem, I know how to fix it…you have to actually (and tastefully) tell him what to do or how you like it. I’ll write another article on that subject for you sometime, but for now, just know that if he’s not doing it right, there’s still hope for your Big-“O”.
One more thing-the more often you have orgasms, the easier it is to have them. This is one of the reasons why people recommend masturbation. It seems orgasms are also good for your overall health and immune system.
There are plenty of things to help women have orgasms, from Orgasmic Meditation to tantra and relaxation. You need blood to flow to your extremities to have an orgasm, so exercising is important and will likely help you have better orgasms.
I can tell you I’m not having orgasms because I’m not having sex right now…that’s a definite way to miss out on an orgasm (a much needed and missed orgasm). So, tell me, why aren’t you getting off?
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