Getting into an affair with one of your co-workers is a tricky thing. It’s even trickier if that co-worker holds a superior position in your company, or, in other words, is your boss. But this happens all the time.
The workplace has a strong sexual dimension (formal dress codes, for example, adds a lot to this), and many react to it. Also, the dynamic of a business structure, where some hold power over others, is a big turn on for a lot of people.
If you’re one of those women with such an experience, don’t despair. You’re not alone, and you most definitely didn’t do anything wrong. Here is some advice on how to act after you had sex with your boss.
A woman I worked with became anxious after she slept with her boss. He wasn’t interested in exploring a relationship, and she wasn’t either, but she was frantically worried he would somehow use this encounter against her. Actually, the main source of her anxiety was her determination to try to somehow reverse the events and make everything like it was before they had sex.
This only drains your energy. You did it. There is no way to change that. You have to accept this experience and accept what comes after it.
Be quiet about your encounter, at least with your co-workers. If you want to tell to your best friend in the office that you had sex with your boss, think it through. You can’t control what your boss says and does, but you can control your behavior. If your boss was in the same dilemma, would you advise him to risk starting a rumor and talk to his buddy or to keep his mouth shut?
No matter what your relationship with your boss is after you two slept together, don’t show it in the office. You shouldn’t drown out your feelings, whatever they might be, but keep it out of your job. There are several good reasons to do this, like protecting your professional image and acting like a grown up. Also, don’t do the opposite and act like your boss means nothing to you. The most desirable thing is to treat him like you did before your became intimate.
This change shouldn’t be a public spectacle that will be obvious to everyone in your office.
Look at the bright side – the pressure you probably feel from this encounter may be a good motivator to change your current job position. There are several directions you can take, and every one of them will move you away from your former office fling. From my experience, the majority of women who had sex with their boss usually desired something to change in their professional lives.
You may try to get ahead in the same company, and get the same position your former boss and lover had. Do this because you want to grow and mature in your profession, not because you want to get back at him in some way.
On the other hand, you can always try to move horizontally instead of vertically. Maybe it is time to change your work routine?
This may be a perfect opportunity to do this. Ask around and find out is anybody inside of the company in need of some help in the department you’re interested in. If they are, it’s time to be assertive and proactive – go ahead and apply for that position. Usually, every business is keener to recruit from the inside. By doing this, you will move away from your former boss and begin a new chapter in your carrier.
On course, you can choose to leave your job and find a new one. This is a big step, and there is no way to be sure what awaits you in the future.
Different women will chose different options – there are a multitude of possible outcomes. But, at the same time have in mind that there are no right or wrong answers. You and your boss shared an intimate moment and it will definitely affect your future, emotionally and professionally.
Try to be flexible, positive and focused on the things that will come, and not those that passed. With this in mind, you will surely find a way to be happy and satisfied whatever you chose to do after you had sex with your boss.
I am a psychologist, author and a journalist, currently in training for a Gestalt therapy degree. I am mostly interested in emotional relationships and the process of change in people endlessly fascinates me. When I’m not working, I enjoy movies, novels, travel and snowboarding.
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