As a woman who has been married (twice actually), I’m the first to admit that passion fades eventually. You and your partner will find yourself falling into a routine that’s more comfortable than carnal.
Don’t get me wrong – routine is great. One of the best things about being in an intimate relationship is the level of comfort we share with our partners. The comfort and security we feel with our partners can’t be duplicated with anyone else. It’s powerful and meaningful.
It’s also boring.
What happened to the hot sex you used to have? Why doesn’t your man rip your clothes off and take you on the living room floor anymore? Why do all of your daily talks sound the same…like a scripted routine?
If you’re asking yourself these questions, you’re not alone. Couples everywhere suffer from a sexual slump now and then. It can be a real downer. And if you're like most women, you don't know how to spice up your marriage.
The good news is that spice-up strategies can be learned. There are plenty of things you and your guy can do to breathe new passion into your relationship: both emotionally and sexually.
Why wait? Let’s get right to it.
#1 Play the “Strangers” Game
One of the most common (and effective) ways to put a little spice back into your sex life is to play the strangers game.
You and your husband agree to meet at a bar, but you pretend you don’t know each other. He notices you and tries to pick you up. (It’s fun to resist a little, but for optimum results you want his efforts to be successful.) Alternately, you can play a naughty girl and pick him up!
You can play this game as yourselves, you can pretend you’re having a wanton affair with someone in particular, or you can both make believe you’re particular movie stars or celebrities.
Trust me, this game works!
#2 Swap Sexy Texts
Why do you text your guy only when you need him to pick up some milk on the way home? That’s a waste of perfectly good technology.
Put your cellphone to use by sending naughty messages that turn him on.
I know you’ve heard of sexting, so what’s stopping you? Just remember to use good grammar. Bad grammar is never attractive.
#3 Share Naughty Photos
Since you’re already sexting, why stop at words? Text your guy a naughty photo of yourself wearing a pretty negligée, or in nothing at all. That will put the spice back in your relationship, belive me!
Men are visual creatures, and he’ll love seeing you naked.
Better than that is the evidence that you are thinking of him and wanting him in the middle of your day.
What's important is that you feel completely confident in your body and know you look your best. Here's a quick way to burn any unwanted pounds for summer season so you feel hot in a bikini (and once you radiate with a good energy and a smile, he'll naturally be more turned on by you).
#4 Pack His Lunch
Do you want to do something fun and cute to remind him that he’s still your favorite guy? Pack his lunch for him!
Seriously, make him a manly sandwich and thermos of coffee and send him off to work! And while you’re at it, write him a love note and put it in the bag.
Little gestures are emotionally stimulating, which is often lacking in relationships that are experiencing a sexual slump.
#5 Cook Together
Making a meal together is a proven, highly sensual way to spice up your love life. So pull out the recipe book and plan some quality time in the kitchen.
There are several reasons why cooking together works so well.
First, our olfactory senses come into play. The food smells good and we begin to desire it. And once we start experiencing desire, we start wanting other sensual stimulation. I think you know where this is headed.
Second, when you are in a tight place (the kitchen) sharing a project (cooking) you tend to talk to each other more and you can improve your communication and get to understand him better. You’re both focused on a task, so you don’t have the pressure of finding some meaningful topic to talk about. And you’re working together, so the interaction is more significant than asking how his day was.
Don’t be surprised if he decides he wants you for dessert!
#6 Get Out and Date
Many people in long-term relationships forget dating.
We usually think: “Why should I date my guy? We already live together. We see each other all the time.”
Here’s why: Dating keeps romance alive.
This is especially true if you have kids. Find a sitter and make grownup time at least once a month. Go someplace nice, someplace where they don’t allow children. Enjoy your time as adults and relive the memories you made before you settled down.
#7 Have More Sex
The quickest way to spice up your marriage is to have more sex.
It’s easy. Just stop saying you’re not in the mood. Let your man give you an orgasm.
If you keep saying no you’ll have no spice in your life at all. That’s no good.
The more you say yes to sex, the more sex you will want. That should be incentive enough, right?
#8 Try Sex in Different Places
Since you’re having sex anyway, why not try sex in different places?
Some of the best places to have sex include: the stairs, the shower, the sofa, the kitchen floor (close to the fridge “9 1/2 Weeks” style), and anywhere taboo.
It’s surprising how unusual places can spice up your sex life. It really works.
Don’t be shy. You and your guy both need this.
#9 Use Toys in the Bedroom
Guys are sometimes reluctant to add sex toys to the mix of nighttime pleasures. But the potential benefits – to both of you – are huge. So pull out a vibrator (or a blindfold or ropes or handcuffs or massage oil) and ask him to play with you.
Timing is critical. Keep your toys close to the bed. Start the conversation after you’ve already got him sexually worked up. “You know what could be really fun to try…?” It will be hard for him to say no to you since he’s already in the mood and you’ve presented the idea as if you’re curious, not eager.
For many men, resistance to toys is related to feeling inadequate. They don’t want a piece of plastic to make you feel better than they do. Help him see that it’s still him that’s turning you on, and that the toys make you feel good because he’s the one who is using them with you.
#10 Take a Class Together
All couples get bored sooner or later. When you spend every day of your life with the same person, eventually you run out of things to talk about. You feel as if you already know everything there is to know about each other.
That’s why it’s important to keep learning new things. You’ll be more interesting, and that will make sex livelier too.
I recommend that couples take classes together. It’s easy to find inexpensive night or weekend classes on Italian cooking or glass-blowing or ballroom dancing. New ideas will give you a reason to really talk to each other…and there’s nothing sexier than communication.
#11 Spend the Day Naked
One of the best ways to spice up your relationship is to crank up the sensuality. Hot sex is great (in sooooo many ways!), but sensuality has benefits as well.
One trick of the marriage trade is to call in sick to work and spend the day together – naked.
Make a comfortable space on the floor in front of the television. Add blankets, pillows, popcorn, and a bottle of wine. You can snuggle together, skin-to-skin, through a couple of your favorite movies.
This sensual, erotic experience is sure to end with a session of sweaty pillow play.
This is a variation on the “strangers” game. But instead of meeting in a bar, you can play this one anywhere – even at home.
All have to do is create a character you want to be and have your guy do the same.
For example, you could be the naughty cheerleader and he could be the football quarterback. You could be a French maid and he could be the billionaire who hired you.
The options are limited only by your imagination. And if your imagination runs dry, you can easily find dozens of sexy scenarios on the Internet.
This game is always fun. Check out our article on role-playing ideas men fantasize about.
#13 Spend the Night in a Hotel
Getting out of the house changes everything. There aren’t chores waiting when you’re at a hotel. You’re not thinking about cleaning the refrigerator shelves and he’s not thinking about fixing that leaky faucet. You’re free to concentrate on each other.
It’s nice to stay at home. It’s comfortable and warm and nurturing. But it’s easy to get drawn into an easy complacency. And that’s not sexy.
Do yourself a favor and check into a hotel. There’s nothing like room service and sex in a strange bed to add some spark to your erotic relationship.
Hotels are everywhere. You don’t even have to leave town. Why aren’t you packing an overnight bag this very minute?
#14 Dress Up
You’ve seen him in front of the television eating cereal out of a cup while he watches the game in his boxers. He’s seen you in your old robe with your hair in rollers and your face covered in gunk. You two have seen everything there is to see about each other, and all too often!
We dress up for work, we dress up for company, we even dress up for an evening among strangers at a club. So why don’t we dress up for each other?
Start dressing to impress your lover, and see how much more notice he takes. Make a tradition of dressing nicely for dinner once or twice a week. It makes the undressing so much more fun.
#15 Surprise Each Other
What’s left to surprise each other with when you’ve been together for years?
One of the best things you can do for your relationship is to make a habit of bestowing little gestures of love on each other.
Leave a love note in his briefcase. Let him find you in bed wearing nothing but silky stockings when he gets home from work. Slip some silk boxers into his underwear drawer and wait for him to find them there.
All of these ideas – and you can think of many more – work the same way. They let your lover know he’s still desired and adored. That will translate into hotter sex, wait and see.
#16 Tease Each Other
Why does flirting always stop when a relationship gets serious? If anything, being in an intimate relationship should be like written permission to show public displays of affection!
Do yourself a favor and spice up your relationship by flirting with him during the day. Don’t be afraid to get a little naughty. Run your hand along his ass as you walk by him, and then wink at him invitingly. Eat seductively. Do what comes naturally and flirt with him mercilessly wherever you are.
Your sex life will heat up fast!
#17 Do Something Romantic
Ah, romance. There’s nothing like it, is there? Best of all, romance often leads directly to the bedroom.
There are lots of ways to be romantic with your mate, and most of them require little or no effort.
Have a candlelit dinner. Go on a picnic. Turn on some music and dance in the living room. You can even spend the evening pretending the power is out, cuddling up on the couch by candlelight.
It’s not hard to put the romance back into your relationship. All it takes is a bit of creativity and the desire to do it.
But what if your husband is TERRIBLE when it comes to romance? Hm. Try texting the romance back into your marriage. It's crazy how a few simple text messages can turn his romance on, even if he's a total robot now.
#18 Play Strip Poker
One of my fondest memories involved strip poker. I lost quite miserably – and my guy was thrilled!
There’s a reason this game still exists: The challenge (and the nudity) always make for an interesting evening.
If you don’t know how to play poker, it’s okay to play Go Fish or any other card game. The point is that somebody has to lose in order for both of you to win!
#19 Play Video Games
Men like to be challenged. They love to be tested and to show off their skills. They adore raving about their video game characters and the high scores they rack up.
If you want to spice up your marriage, you’re going to have to be one of the guys once in a while. Remind him that you are still the coolest babe he’s ever known! Plus, if you win you get to taunt him until he challenges you to a rematch.
#20 Hold Hands
Public displays of affection do a lot to spice up your marriage. Kissing lightly, wrapping your arms around each other and holding hands are all ways to keep the magic alive.
This may not be as sexy as some of my other suggestions, but it will certainly promote intimacy…and intimacy is sexy! Show the world he’s the man you love. Hold his hand – proudly – in public.
What Your Husband Wishes You Knew About Him…But Doesn't Know How To Tell You!
National relationship expert Bob Grant claims that the secret to “building a better husband” and saving your marriage (in a time when 50% of marriages fail) is that you become a better wife and learn how to correctly manage your husband.
Now tell us, what do you do to spice up your marriage?